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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH randomly masturbating

298 replies

Catladyy · 08/01/2023 18:16

DH decided to cook an early tea for us and DS at DS' tea time (5pm). I thought we should just feed DS, who was already hungry, but DH said he'd do it quickly. 45 mins later, I take an angry baby to the kitchen to find DH has barely started. Later he revealed he'd actually just spent the time masturbating.

It feels like a really odd thing to do with a hungry baby in the next room. If he was that desperate (and out sex life is slow, but not that slow), why he couldn't just let me feed DS and slope off upstairs? Isn't it a bit of a weird urge to indulge at 5pm? But DH say's he's apologised and if I bring it up again, I'm 'shaming' him, which I have no right to do.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Tuilpmouse · 08/01/2023 20:13

@Tinner01

I think you missed the attempted humour...

Tinner01 · 08/01/2023 20:13

Sundayvibes · 08/01/2023 20:07

Man beats his meat - He’s a dirty bastard that needs divorcing.

woman flicks her bean - Good on her, she needs some relief amongst the stresses of life.

You’ve got to Mumsnet 😂.

A forum full of the biggest shit stirrers on planet earth 😂

Show quote history

👏👏👏

quantumbutterfly · 08/01/2023 20:13

maybe for him 'making a quick dinner' is a euphemism.

ThistleSifter · 08/01/2023 20:15

If he was also cooking a ham shank maybe it was just crossed wires initially?

MrsMcisaCt · 08/01/2023 20:15

Ooh no. Have you wiped all the surfaces down, just in case? I'd change the tea towel too if I was you. Did he make the tea in the end? Hope he washed his hands.

ironingboredrefusal · 08/01/2023 20:16

Why mention what he was doing while he wasnt doing what he was supposed to do? What is bad is that he, as a man, didn't prioritise domestic work of looking after his own child.

And , for the one who said wanking is unhygienic, how is sorting yourself out unhygienic - sperm makes half of the baby he was ignoring and while making said baby the sperm goes up you which is hardly unhygienic.

And for the one thinking it's wrong to flick the bean or pander to the salamander when in a room next to someone, as long as it's in your own home and they dont know what you're doing, what is the problem? Do you make sure you;re alone in the house when you're on the loo? Masturbation is as natural as having a poo so why be weird about it when you do it at least once a day?

Finally, isn't masturbation always random unless one schedules it?

SaintLoy · 08/01/2023 20:18

Tinner01 · 08/01/2023 20:10

I think those are worse! 😱

Show quote history

Do they have "jokes" on your planet?

Ludo19 · 08/01/2023 20:19

@ironingboredrefusal pander to the salamander has now been added to my quotes 🤣

ohyouknowwhatshername · 08/01/2023 20:20

CurlyhairedAssassin · 08/01/2023 19:20

Is this another excerpt from Harry's book?

😆

Tuilpmouse · 08/01/2023 20:21

Given how nonchalant he seems to be, I reckon he might be knocking one out in the kitchen regularly. Looking on the bright side, If the tea/coffee your DH bring you sometimes has a salty taste, then at least you know it's probably not your milk that's gone off.

Hyppogriff · 08/01/2023 20:21

I think there’s something a bit unnerving there …

multicolouredblouse · 08/01/2023 20:22

What a tosser

katesbushh · 08/01/2023 20:22

Wanking in the kitchen seriously strange.

Equally as strange is the fact he told you?!
Wtf?
If I had a sudden urge and couldn't wait a second longer leading me to sorting myself out in the kitchen... I wouldn't go into dh and say " sorry dinners going to be a bit late sweetheart, just has a cheeky rub in the kitchen"

Surely you'd come up with another reason...

How did he tell you??

Sorry but 😂

Spannerinthe · 08/01/2023 20:23

Preggingswearingleggings · 08/01/2023 19:56

That is just absolutely disgusting. What a pig. It would turn my stomach and make my fanny clench shut.

Whether it was meant to be funny or not, I just laughed so hard at the "fanny clench shut" reaction- love it! This thread is gold😂

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 08/01/2023 20:23

SaintLoy · 08/01/2023 20:09

Could people stop writing the yukky gross word 'wank' and call it 'one off the wrist' or 'a five-knuckle shuffle' or 'cracking one off' instead?

I happen to think 'wank' is a brilliant word but each to our own...

BubblesMacgee · 08/01/2023 20:23

Sounds like DH is marking his territory, especially when feeding the kids should be a priority that he volunteered for. Possibly time for a bit of counselling together - parenting can be a tough slog for you both. And the kitchen is hardly the appropriate place for a friendly self handshake, frankly.

Tuilpmouse · 08/01/2023 20:24

@ironingboredrefusal

Masturbation is as natural as having a poo so why be weird about it when you do it at least once a day?

I'm guessing many of the pearl clutchers commenting aghast barely do it once a year, let alone once a day!

katesbushh · 08/01/2023 20:24

@BubblesMacgee Marking his territory... spraying it up the cupboards and patio doors hahahahaha.

katesbushh · 08/01/2023 20:25

@ironingboredrefusal I wouldn't have a poo in the kitchen when I'm meant to be preparing dinner, either.

EhLov · 08/01/2023 20:25

I'm sorry, is it pure luck that you didn't walk in to the kitchen sooner? What a daredevil.

PotteringPondering · 08/01/2023 20:26

I'm currently having a new kitchen fitted. The kitchen man asked if I wanted an upstand on the work surface.

I'm now reassessing what he meant.

whynotwhatknot · 08/01/2023 20:27

45 minutes really? doesnt take longer than 5 at a push

what a weird excuse not to make dinner just say you dont want to

Solonge · 08/01/2023 20:28

Why did he tell you? Is there some expectation now he has declared this?

Misunderestimated · 08/01/2023 20:29

whynotwhatknot · 08/01/2023 20:27

45 minutes really? doesnt take longer than 5 at a push

what a weird excuse not to make dinner just say you dont want to

Agreed, pushing is quicker, but does take longer when you 'pull'. Besides, when it's sex with someone you love, surely there should be some foreplay!

FT123456 · 08/01/2023 20:30

This thread is everything 😂😂😂