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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH randomly masturbating

298 replies

Catladyy · 08/01/2023 18:16

DH decided to cook an early tea for us and DS at DS' tea time (5pm). I thought we should just feed DS, who was already hungry, but DH said he'd do it quickly. 45 mins later, I take an angry baby to the kitchen to find DH has barely started. Later he revealed he'd actually just spent the time masturbating.

It feels like a really odd thing to do with a hungry baby in the next room. If he was that desperate (and out sex life is slow, but not that slow), why he couldn't just let me feed DS and slope off upstairs? Isn't it a bit of a weird urge to indulge at 5pm? But DH say's he's apologised and if I bring it up again, I'm 'shaming' him, which I have no right to do.

AIBU?

OP posts:
SSDDagain88 · 08/01/2023 18:26

Any human that puts there sexual gratification over basic needs of the child is not fit to be a parent. He is absolutely disgusting and then to try and turn it to stop you mentioning it is controlling and narcissistic- I would pack him a bag and tell him where to go

Cornettoninja · 08/01/2023 18:27

Tell him you’re not shaming him for wanking, you’re shaming him for making a promise to feed his child and then deciding his own needs are more important and not even telling you that he wasn’t going to do what he said he was going to.

Its till an issue that an adult can’t control themselves enough to wait until a suitable moment but that’s not shaming, he’s just not a fucking teenage monkey.

bumblefeline · 08/01/2023 18:27

Well it's a bit odd. Hope he wipes the sides down after.

PlaitBilledDuckyPuss · 08/01/2023 18:27

😂

GrasstrackGirl · 08/01/2023 18:27

Fucking hell that's disgusting.

MyHusbandLikesCyclingAndGolf · 08/01/2023 18:27

😆 😆 😆

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 08/01/2023 18:27

I was struggling to sleep last week and had one in the night to try to relax. DH was in a different room and dd asleep and I still felt weird over it. How can he do it in those circumstances?

Original poster
Catladyy · 08/01/2023 18:28

I don't know if he sneaked upstairs or did it in the kitchen... We haven't yet had a conversation about it beyond me going, 'You did WHAT?!' and him accusing me of shaming him.

For clarify, the baby wasn't actually wailing with hunger or anything - just would have liked his tea. But still don't think this makes it normal?

OP posts:
Fedupofdiets · 08/01/2023 18:28

Yeah sure he did.

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 08/01/2023 18:29

bumblefeline · 08/01/2023 18:27

Well it's a bit odd. Hope he wipes the sides down after.

🤣🤣

StrychnineInTheSandwiches · 08/01/2023 18:29

Yuck.

Nothing wrong with a wank but prioritising a 45 minute wank (in the kitchen??) over feeding a hungry baby is so fucking weird.

is he a grubby little weirdo?

JungleJungle · 08/01/2023 18:29

Jimboscott0115 · 08/01/2023 18:26

It's certainly not disgusting or relationship ending like some bizarre posts have suggested, but it is a little odd - like you say, he could have made DS dinner and then had a quick one while you were doing bedtime if that's what he wanted.

The timing is a misnomer, noone has urges on a schedule or always at opportune moments, but then most of us can control them for a period until there's a free moment.

I think it's a typical example of just having an adult conversation about it's fine to masturbate (because it is for everyone - anyone saying otherwise needs therapy), but it's not fine to upset routines etc to do it. I'd probably check he wasn't doing it in the kitchen as that's a little odd, tell him to go in the bathroom next time.

The disgusting bit is that he did it when he knew he was meant to be feeding his child but put his sexual needs first. Masturbation is completely normal. Masturbation instead of feeding your kid is not!

Goosefatroasts · 08/01/2023 18:29

Perhaps a mountain out of a molehill. My husband proclaims he has never had a wank in all of our years together. Personally I don’t believe that.

Cornettoninja · 08/01/2023 18:29

and him accusing me of shaming him

he should be ashamed. Masturbating is fine, inability to prioritise responsibilities is not.

Notjusta · 08/01/2023 18:30

Am I the only one that finds it odd he told you? Surely he could have come up with another excuse?!?

Anyway, very weird and not cool.

BreviloquentBastard · 08/01/2023 18:32

Yeah no this is one of those things where you need to force a conversation. If he tries to shut down the conversation by telling you you're "shaming" him say "yes well I think you should be ashamed that you chose wanking over feeding your child so let's unpack that shall we". What a revolting neanderthal you're married to.

BabyOnBoard90 · 08/01/2023 18:32

Not everything needs to be shared with mumsnet

Goosefatroasts · 08/01/2023 18:32

Perhaps it’s his way of letting you know how DESPERATE he’s getting because you’re not putting out. Not that I think that’s right I’m just wondering his reasoning for telling you this little nugget of information.

Look, I am getting that desperate I’m having to wank in the kitchen whilst I have other responsibilities. That sort of thing.

Silverpining · 08/01/2023 18:33

It’s a bit odd but some of these replies are simply hilarious.

Hardly a relationship ending crime.

AspiringMermaid · 08/01/2023 18:35

Very bizarre, how could be not feed the baby first or talk to you and go upstairs... does he make other strange decisions? I think it's very weird he told you not to bring it up again.
Maybe talk to a couples therapist? He clearly doesn't understand how this isn't normal wanking behaviour

Ludo19 · 08/01/2023 18:36

MoreSleepPleasee · 08/01/2023 18:24

Can't imagine my child being hungry at dinner time and me thinking fuck it let me sit here and have a long play with myself. That's so odd.

I shouldn't laugh but that made me cackle

Xrays · 08/01/2023 18:36

It’s a bit odd isn’t it. I don’t know whether I’m amused or if I find it more 😳😳that he could prioritise his own sexual needs above that of needing to do something for his child. Really doubt any woman would do that.

BigHeadBertha · 08/01/2023 18:36

😂😂😂😂😂

Goosefatroasts · 08/01/2023 18:37

@Ludo19

I laughed at that one too 😂

StrawberryWater · 08/01/2023 18:37

Well I’d be checking the ricotta cheese pot that’s for sure.

🤢