Cracked in shop

[Goinglocodowninsainsburyslocal]

So went shopping this afternoon with 2 dc under 5 and dh.

Ds3 has special needs and is very, very dependant on certain routines. Just little things like loading shopping on conveyor belt, waiting our turn (which we have to practice as part of his speech development) etc.

So weve unloaded our shopping and waiting for the lady in front to finish packing and pay. Old man behind us starts huffing and puffing because theres space on the conveyor belt he cant access because we are in a line of ds, me, trolley, dh down the side. No room to the side.

Old man says move down. This is my aibu. Dh then shouts down to me, can you move down. I said no not at the minute, because the lady infront was at the card machine blocking our path.

dh gets ruder and says you just need to move, We're blocking the conveyor belt. If I had moved ds from where he was standing away from the checkout he'd have had a meltdown. Literal screams and it would've taken 10, 15 mins to calm down.

We then get to the end of the checkout to pack and dh then said the old man was grumbling we needed to move down and I should have listened.

Not gonna lie, I snapped and retorted that the sanctimonious old bloke should learn some patience and he wasn't going to get his shopping down any quicker having to wait an extra minute to load the half belt that was free.

Dh looked shocked and said I'd lost the plot and needed to learn manners. He kept on about how I'm better than that and I'd embarrassed him.

I think the whole situation could've been avoided if dh at turned round and just said, sorry can't move yet.

I realise this may sound incredibly petty but honestly the fact dh was willing to put me and ds through a meltdown to accommodate someone who was being rude and actually wouldn't have had a quicker experience anyway just annoys me. It's escalated into us not speaking to each other and him refusing the put the christmas decorations in the loft because of my behaviour.

I'm just sad.

Apologies for weird formatting, not sure what my phone is doing

Your dh sounds massively unhelpful.

how I'm better than that and I'd embarrassed him

Oh diddums. Why isn't he on your DS's side?

Surely your DH could have seen that there was a lady stood right in front of you?

Not sure how you’re meant to move immediately in those circumstances?

Ugh. The whole appearances to random outsiders is so much more important than the feelings of family memebers.

i grew up with that and it’s horrible.

ask him very clearly why it matters more to him to impress a random man than to protect his child from being unnecessarily upset

Your husband should have been on your side.

Name calling the old man was rude. He can’t no that your child has special needs etc, he doesn’t no your situation and you have no idea of his and if there’s a reason he wasn’t more patient. All he saw was a family of 4 all shopping together blocking the path to appease a toddler, and then being incredibly rude about it too.

Your DH sounds unhelpful but you were rude and snapped at him in public infront of your kids so I can see why he felt embarrassed too.

You were incredibly rude about it to the man shopping, he isn't to know your DS needs and I lt isn't his problem eithier.

If someone is still paying its rude to move down.

Did he really need to shout to you? Your dh sounds like a knob

All he saw was a family of 4 all shopping together blocking the path to appease a toddler
He must have been seeing things then as it says in the OP the previous customer was at the card machine so they couldn’t move any further down. Why do people make shit up to suit their agenda?

Why is your DH more worried about a stranger huffing and puffing than keeping your DS sane?

And who's voting YABU!?

To be fair it's not the other man's fault, as he didn't understand the situation and why your son couldn't move, although he could have had a bit more patience overall.

It is your DHs fault for shouting down to you, not considering his own child's needs, patronising you and now refusing to move decorations because he is in a strop. He is essentially policing your behaviour as:

If you do something he doesn't like then he will refuse to pull his weight around the house

He sounds like a weak parent and father.

My mum has spent her whole life trying to police our behaviour, control us and make our lives very small and boring by complaining about 'what other people will think' if we do something she doesn't like. It's not a fun way to grow up!

Yes exactly, he could see her stood at the card machine. She would've had to walk around to the bottom of the checkout to let me and dh past.

I said this to him in the car about caring more about strangers. I ended up crying because I feel like we're just at the start of a sen journey, now ds's differences are excused by age but I feel like soon enough he's going to attract stares and attention because of some of his behaviours and needs. I don't want a lifetime of making ds an inconvenience when he was doing nothing wrong. Dh laughed at me and said I was crazy for still going on about it. I'm so glad the first few replies understand my point of view. I honestly felt like I was in the wrong.

It doesn’t sound like either you or dh covered yourself in glory.

Also my answer depends a bit on whether it was a shop like aldi where every second counts when loading your stuff onto the conveyer belt (& the gentleman waiting may have been stressed about that) or somewhere like M&S where you can take your own sweet time.

My DH also worries so much about putting others out he would inconvenience himself first and I do find it frustrating at times (though I also love how considerate he is) but equally you shouldn’t have been rude about the gentleman behind you.

Also, maybe just don’t go shopping as a whole family. Who needs that stress?

I haven’t made shit up, the old man thought they could move down, so he asked them too. Maybe he thought the trolly could be move up or something. Neither me or you no because we weren’t there.

Not really as people can stand side by side, I get pissed off when people fuck about at checkouts as the user after I end up on backfoot packing.

But you were doing something wrong, a family of 4 taking up so much space at the belt, it’s annoying for anyone.

'The World' would be a better place if people had some patience and realised every thing is not always as they see it.

I didn’t disagree with that at all. I didn’t say they should move down.

I'd have gone shopping in my own and I'd be putting the decorations in the loft on my own. Your oh doesn't sound great

Why can't people just wait till there's room for every one to move up?

Jesus unless the shop is going to close in the next 10 seconds why has everything got to be done at break neck speed?

Once OP and her family moved up the conveyer would be available.

I think you're very rude and disrespectful calling him ' old man '.
How do you know he wasn't rushing to get home to an ailing wife or an appointment . No-one wants to be kept waiting at a checkout .

Ds3 has special needs and is very, very dependant on certain routines. Just little things like loading shopping on conveyor belt, waiting our turn (which we have to practice as part of his speech development) etc. it's routine and practice. She's not taking them all shopping for giggles.