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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say DD can't go on holiday with her Dad

233 replies

whatajoy · 08/01/2023 11:58

Every August my DD14 Dad takes her away on holiday with his wife and children. He never checks dates with me first, just books the holiday and expects her to be available as ua the school holidays. Although this then dictates when I can take her on holiday, I've always agreed.

Every year I remind him to check dates with me before booking, he agrees, then never does. Never caused a huge problem before though.

My DD has just told me that he has just booked a holiday for them this year. Although I'm annoyed he's done it again, I wasn't going to complain. However I've just found out the dates and it clashes with the holiday I've got planned. I can't choose the week as we're going with family and that is the only date they can get off work.

Although our holiday is not booked yet, it will be soon. AIBU to tell DD's Dad that she can't go this year?

OP posts:
LisaD1 · 08/01/2023 11:59

Just tell him it’s already booked. He won’t learn all the time you work around him.

LlynTegid · 08/01/2023 11:59

Stand your ground on this one.

Would not have been too much to say the dates planned and given you say a day to reply if OK or not.

PatriciaHolm · 08/01/2023 12:00

Which holiday would your daughter rather go on?

PomBearWithoutHerOFRS · 08/01/2023 12:00

Have you asked DD what she wants to do?
could this be a nice break for up with no responsibilities, just a rest?

Leggingslife · 08/01/2023 12:00

You need to have a more formal agreement for future years. If he chose his holiday dates first last year, then I guess its6fair for you to choose this year. It may also depend on the age of your daughter. Perhaps she can chose this year?

DuplicateUserName · 08/01/2023 12:03

You've forgotten the most important person in all of this and that's your DD.

What does she want to do?

rwalker · 08/01/2023 12:03

At 14 ask your daughter

Original poster
whatajoy · 08/01/2023 12:04

I was debating asking DD but then I'd feel awful putting that decision on her as it feels a bit like I'm making her choose between me and her Dad!

OP posts:
Allywill · 08/01/2023 12:04

but if you say it’s booked you can’t really complain that he’s booked his without notifying you of dates - as you will have done the same thing. if you knew the dates your family could make why didn’t you flag them up to him?

Oysterbabe · 08/01/2023 12:05

Did you check the date of your holiday with him before booking?

Original poster
whatajoy · 08/01/2023 12:05

@Allywill I wasn't expecting him to go ahead yet again and book without checking, and my family member has only just got his shifts.

OP posts:
Original poster
whatajoy · 08/01/2023 12:06

@Oysterbabe My holiday isn't booked yet.

OP posts:
Prinnny · 08/01/2023 12:06

If DD wants to go with her Dad and yours isn’t booked yet I would try and amend my plans so she could do both. Why should she miss out because her dad is a dick.

DuplicateUserName · 08/01/2023 12:06

She's 14.

Let her choose and tell her there's absolutely no pressure.

If you and her dad go head to head over this, she won't want to go on holiday with either of you in the future.

HolliDays · 08/01/2023 12:07

Let her choose.

girlmom21 · 08/01/2023 12:10

His is booked. Yours isn't. You haven't consulted with him on dates even though you knew that was the only week you could do so you're the same as him.

You'll need to go without DD or change your dates.

Original poster
whatajoy · 08/01/2023 12:10

@girlmom21 I only got my family members shifts yesterday. I would have told him the dates before booking, unlike him!

OP posts:
mycatsanutter · 08/01/2023 12:10

I agree op if you ask her to choose that puts her in an awkward position of not wanting to upset either of you . My dd at 21 still feels pressure at where to go go for Christmas so I wouldn't put the pressure of holiday choosing on a 14 year old . I would tell him yours is booked .

lunar1 · 08/01/2023 12:11

Neither of you checked with the other, and while he might be a complete ass, you know he does this around the same month every year.

This is adults trying to get at each other while their children are collateral damage. Given that he got in first and booked the holiday in this petty game, she should probably go on that one.

Whichever of you wind, your child definitely doesn't.

FirstnameSuesecondnamePerb · 08/01/2023 12:14

But you surely kinda were expecting him to book without telling you, cos he does thus every year.
If wanted first dibs on certain dates, you should have told him that as soon as you knew. If that is after he has booked for the summer, that's tough really

Oysterbabe · 08/01/2023 12:14

You could have told him to avoid that week as soon as you knew the date.

MILLYmo0se · 08/01/2023 12:15

But if he d told you as he was about to book last week or last month it still would have made no difference as you only got your dates confirmed yesterday? Is this the only time that suits his family to go?

pocketvenuss · 08/01/2023 12:15

Why are people not reading and understanding. The OP has not booked yet as they were waiting for the dates from their travel companions. She got those dates YESTERDAY. She can not simply choose other dates. She was going to check with the ex. He just went and booked without checking. Would people stop saying the OP is just as bad for not checking with ex. I despair. The older I get the more I can nit handle the idiocy of people commenting on here.

Original poster
whatajoy · 08/01/2023 12:17

@pocketvenuss Thank you!

I only got the dates yesterday, I would have given them to him first before booking, he promised last year he wouldn't do this again.

OP posts:
Original poster
whatajoy · 08/01/2023 12:19

@MILLYmo0se No they can go any time in August, doesn't have to be that week.

OP posts: