To say DD can't go on holiday with her Dad

[whatajoy]

Every August my DD14 Dad takes her away on holiday with his wife and children. He never checks dates with me first, just books the holiday and expects her to be available as ua the school holidays. Although this then dictates when I can take her on holiday, I've always agreed.

Every year I remind him to check dates with me before booking, he agrees, then never does. Never caused a huge problem before though.

My DD has just told me that he has just booked a holiday for them this year. Although I'm annoyed he's done it again, I wasn't going to complain. However I've just found out the dates and it clashes with the holiday I've got planned. I can't choose the week as we're going with family and that is the only date they can get off work.

Although our holiday is not booked yet, it will be soon. AIBU to tell DD's Dad that she can't go this year?

If he had checked before he booked the holiday, she would have said that week was free. Because before yesterday it was free

So how does your suggestion help?

If he'd checked she'd have reminded him that she would know the dates early January as she said last year.

@rookiemere I did today. He read it and ignored. I've had a brief discussion with DD without putting any pressure on her to make a decision and she said if it comes to it she wants to go on the family holiday with me.

No, I'd refuse to put my child in the horrible position of having to choose between her parents. Sounds like parenting.

glad your daughter understansd op

Sounds like it's sorted then. Armed with that information you can tell ex that if he doesn't change the week he is planning to go on holiday then DD won't be able to go with him as that's the only week possible for your big family holiday. That's perfectly reasonable of you.

I still stand by my point about your brother's shifts though. Of course I would take into account YOUR work because we have a DC together so obviously we need to liaise regarding holidays. But your family? Nah, come on how many women on MN honestly give a shiny shit about their former partner's brother's work? I mean really…

@thing47 it doesn't matter if he gives a shit about it or not. Op and her dd do and he's been respectfully asked to hold off until she gets these. Why should his dd also miss out on time with extended family she may not see as often just because her dad can't be arsed to have some courtesy?

You can't just go doing whatever you want when you are coparenting, you need to try and work together to find solutions that suit everyone. Not doing so results in situations like this that are stressful and horrible for the kids too.

Screw him, do your holiday and let him rearrange.