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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not understand why people turn off read receipts on WhatsApp

235 replies

Bbq1 · 08/01/2023 11:10

I use WhatsApp to chat with friends and family but more often than not, to make actual plans. A friend and couple of family members have started to turn off read receipts. It's so frustrating because if we make plans via WhatsApp and then say we arrange a time to meet, I just have to assume that they have read the message as it appears unread. I don't get all the secrecy as these are family members and friends. It started with them disabling the last seen feature and has graduated to this. Aibu and I should just assume plans are firm whether I hear back or not?

OP posts:
MotherOfVizslas · 08/01/2023 17:02

Oh I totally get this. Some people (mum I'm looking at you😂) will watch to see when you've read something, and then hassle for a response. Sometimes I like a bit of time to mull things over, make a decision (if necessary) and formulate my response.

Quincythequince · 08/01/2023 17:04

I turn them off.
I now also don’t appear online either (relatively new option in WhatsApp).

People expect immediate responses and they’re not always going to get it.

If you don’t get a response, assume they didn’t read it.

I always respond to dates/times in good time etc. Not sure what others do.

FatGirlSwim · 08/01/2023 19:24

Antst · 08/01/2023 16:58

@FatGirlSwim, you're not listening. A read receipt means zero. It could mean that someone has clicked to read an urgent work or other message and had to click away from your message to do so. It could (and often does) mean that someone has briefly checked your message but is at work or on the bus or whatever and has no way to deal with it until later on.

The way to know that someone is doing as you've asked is the same as it ever has been. Wait until you've heard back.

If people are not replying and not replying and end up flaking, you know not to invite them anywhere again or not to make arrangements with them. Fixating on read receipts makes no sense.

I think you’re confusing me with the op. I’m not the person thinking a read receipt = confirmation of something

Sparklycarrot · 08/01/2023 19:30

I don't understand turning off read receipts. Most adults check their phone once every few hours at least, so after about 4-6 hours you'd assume it was 99% likely they'd seen the message anyway, regardless of turning read receipts off.

LindorDoubleChoc · 08/01/2023 20:36

Sparklycarrot · 08/01/2023 19:30

I don't understand turning off read receipts. Most adults check their phone once every few hours at least, so after about 4-6 hours you'd assume it was 99% likely they'd seen the message anyway, regardless of turning read receipts off.

Huge assumption there. I don't check my phone once every few hours. Far from it. I got up at 7 this morning, phone was in the bedroom charging, I didn't check it until 5 this evening and only then because I was expecting a specific message about something important.

girlmom21 · 08/01/2023 20:53

Sparklycarrot · 08/01/2023 19:30

I don't understand turning off read receipts. Most adults check their phone once every few hours at least, so after about 4-6 hours you'd assume it was 99% likely they'd seen the message anyway, regardless of turning read receipts off.

My read receipts are on so sometimes I avoid opening messages that I know are going to take more energy to respond to.

saraclara · 08/01/2023 20:58

girlmom21 · 08/01/2023 20:53

My read receipts are on so sometimes I avoid opening messages that I know are going to take more energy to respond to.

Show quote history

Turn on airplane mode, read the message, CLOSE whatsapp (that stage is important), turn airplane mode back on.

I was told that this works, and have done it. I really hope it does, or I might not have got away with it!

OrangeKettle · 08/01/2023 21:16

shrunkenhead · 08/01/2023 11:22

I think it's bit petty tbh. No one really cares who is/ isn't online or whether they've read/not read a message! I think some people actually think their lives and online status are of great interest to others and they're really not. Some people just like the "drama" of turning off the ticks.
People need to get over themselves.

I turned mine off because if I didn’t, my ex would then hound me and question why I hadn’t responded. No drama, I just didn’t need that.

blahblah33 · 09/01/2023 17:47

girlmom21 · 08/01/2023 11:13

It's because some people (you'll see it all the time on here) get upset when the person they're messaging is online and doesn't instantly read their message or reads their message and don't instantly respond.

People should confirm plans regardless.

This - if I'm busy at work I may read messages from colleagues/my children if urgent and this shows I'm online etc but won't read any non urgent messages until I get home. Or I may read the message, get distracted with something from work/see it's not urgent and reply when I get chance. Some people over time would then double message asking why I was ignoring and I found it draining tbh and a lack of respect for my personal time etc. so I disabled both features.

BeverlyHa · 09/01/2023 17:48

I don't take what's app seriously

hiddeneverythin · 09/01/2023 18:07

Ooooh I didn't know this was a feature - I'm off to turn my read receipts off now!

csigeek · 09/01/2023 18:07

You don’t set it by person, so it’s turned off for everyone they interact with. I can see why people do it though, just because someone has sent me a message it doesn’t mean I have to immediately respond.

hotdiggetydog · 09/01/2023 18:09

I had a possessive ex partner who held it over me so I switched them off. I'll reply on my timeframe

Soosi · 09/01/2023 18:10

Hi. How do you turn off the ticks. Didn’t know you could do this. Thanks.

PleaseCleanTheWholeToilet · 09/01/2023 18:11

People should confirm plans

BUT
Mine are off, means i dont have to reply to people as soon as they message but i can read to it make sure its not important etc

LifesTooShortForYourNonsense · 09/01/2023 18:11

If you want to read a WhatsApp message without anyone knowing you’ve read it you can click and hold from the Chat screen. iPhone you can anyway.

I do this all the time on the parent chat so I don’t have to respond (to whatever trivial matter they’re wanging on about now🙄)

HimalayaSalts · 09/01/2023 18:19

I do it. That's because I don't want to be pressured into answering messages but at the same time I want to read them.

carlynatasha · 09/01/2023 18:24

I don’t think it’s unreasonable some people do this. Some people just like their privacy and I fully support that. Also you aren’t the only person in their contacts - maybe it is so they limit their visibility etc to other people rather than only you? some people get narky if people don’t reply immediately as others have said so doing this evades any potential agg from certain people.

personally I couldn’t care less, if I’m online on WhatsApp, I’ll reply to who and what I feel like at the time and leave others on read and reply when am ready if it’s a longer conversation I don’t have time for at that time. Some just like their privacy

laylababe5 · 09/01/2023 18:28

Yes YABU. If they decide to turn them off that's their prerogative. If you really need to confirm plans, phone them.

laylababe5 · 09/01/2023 18:32

Well then send another message saying you'd appreciate a response asap as you need to make arrangements, and if you don't hear back by a certain time you'll assume plans are not going ahead. I do think you should be communicating your feelings about this situation to the people involved.

Mandyjack · 09/01/2023 18:36

Next time say in the message can you reply to confirm at the end of your message

Dahliasandtea · 09/01/2023 19:09

I turned mine off because I wanted to cut done on screen time. Turning them off meant I couldn’t see if someone else had read my messages to them too…. Which meant I couldn’t go in and keep checking if they had read it. Now I only check WhatsApp when it pings…. Otherwise I would be constantly wondering someone had read them and then anticipating the return. Which is ridiculous really. I’m glad I have turned them off. It also means if I want to think about my reply then I have that time without worrying if the other person is wondering why if they can see I’ve read it havent I replied.

Whatsapphack · 09/01/2023 19:10

If you highlight the message and press the I at the top tells you if they have read the message.

GoAgainstNicki · 09/01/2023 19:12

So why don’t you just call the person if you need an immediate response and they’re not answering….

Spiralleddown · 09/01/2023 20:16

GoAgainstNicki · 09/01/2023 19:12

So why don’t you just call the person if you need an immediate response and they’re not answering….

This. Messages are for if I need to convey a message but it's not urgent. Phone calls are for urgent (or private) matters.