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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not understand why people turn off read receipts on WhatsApp

235 replies

Bbq1 · 08/01/2023 11:10

I use WhatsApp to chat with friends and family but more often than not, to make actual plans. A friend and couple of family members have started to turn off read receipts. It's so frustrating because if we make plans via WhatsApp and then say we arrange a time to meet, I just have to assume that they have read the message as it appears unread. I don't get all the secrecy as these are family members and friends. It started with them disabling the last seen feature and has graduated to this. Aibu and I should just assume plans are firm whether I hear back or not?

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 08/01/2023 11:13

It's because some people (you'll see it all the time on here) get upset when the person they're messaging is online and doesn't instantly read their message or reads their message and don't instantly respond.

People should confirm plans regardless.

multiplemum3 · 08/01/2023 11:14

Because its no one else's business if I've read the message or not

Jellycatspyjamas · 08/01/2023 11:16

As per PP some people get obsessed with whether someone has read their message and not replied immediately, or can see that they’ve been online and not read the message.

Before you know it the person has undermined the whole relationship and started stalking the other person, noting when they’re online and making assumptions about why they’ve not read/replied. I turn it off wherever I can because I can’t be arsed with someone tracking what I’m reading (or not) and assuming my intentions.

Glitteratitar · 08/01/2023 11:16

girlmom21 · 08/01/2023 11:13

It's because some people (you'll see it all the time on here) get upset when the person they're messaging is online and doesn't instantly read their message or reads their message and don't instantly respond.

People should confirm plans regardless.

This.

I know a couple of people who get pissed off when they’ve seen I’ve read a message and not responded. Apps like WhatsApp mean people expect you to respond right away, and I don’t do that unless there is a need to.

NuffSaidSam · 08/01/2023 11:17

Because sometimes I want to read the message and pretend I haven't! 😱

But, people should respond to a message in a timely manner when it's about plans etc.

Read receipts wouldn't actually help you in that circumstance anyway would they? You'd know they'd read it, but you wouldn't know if they agree to the plans. You need a reply, not a read receipt.

Nimbostratus100 · 08/01/2023 11:18

I dont think you can assume anything.

Plans are not firm unless the other person confirms, whether you think they have read the message or not. And a read reciept is not proof that they have, anyway

Sparklingbrook · 08/01/2023 11:20

People like to keep you guessing, GrinI don't think I know anyone who has done it-and I wouldn't bother, it's useful when you are trying to organise stuff if you are trying to make arrangements that you can see they've read a message.

bloodywhitecat · 08/01/2023 11:21

I only wanted to turn them off for one person because that person uses it to track when I am online and, quite frankly, it is none of their business but it appears to have turned them off for all chats.

Nimbostratus100 · 08/01/2023 11:21

Once I was arranging a pick up, and there were quite a lot of message to and fro, and the pick up went wrong. WHen we worked out what had happened later, we found that the messages had not arrived in the same order as they were sent, and messages were marked as read, just because messages after them were seen and read.

And that is without all the times I have glanced at a message, decided to read it properly later, and it has been marked as read when all I have n=done is note that it is there.

read receipts can be helpful, but they are never conclusive

YOu cant ever assume a message has been seen unless confirmed by the other person

Original poster
Bbq1 · 08/01/2023 11:21

multiplemum3 · 08/01/2023 11:14

Because its no one else's business if I've read the message or not

I understand that but surely it is someone else's business to know if plans are confirmed? Atm I just have to assume that the arrangements are going ahead. I couldn't care less if or when they actually read the message, but I would like a basic response.

OP posts:
Somebatshitteryonhere · 08/01/2023 11:22

Two different things.

people need to confirm plans. Just reading something isn’t confirmation.

and people turn off read receipts when they want to be able to read messages and respond on there own time, not have someone hassle them about when last on line or having read it

shrunkenhead · 08/01/2023 11:22

I think it's bit petty tbh. No one really cares who is/ isn't online or whether they've read/not read a message! I think some people actually think their lives and online status are of great interest to others and they're really not. Some people just like the "drama" of turning off the ticks.
People need to get over themselves.

Sparklingbrook · 08/01/2023 11:22

I think in OP's scenario it's just goodmanners to reply if someone is trying to arrange something, however the message is sent.

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 08/01/2023 11:22

girlmom21 · 08/01/2023 11:13

It's because some people (you'll see it all the time on here) get upset when the person they're messaging is online and doesn't instantly read their message or reads their message and don't instantly respond.

People should confirm plans regardless.

This

Somebatshitteryonhere · 08/01/2023 11:23

Bbq1 · 08/01/2023 11:21

I understand that but surely it is someone else's business to know if plans are confirmed? Atm I just have to assume that the arrangements are going ahead. I couldn't care less if or when they actually read the message, but I would like a basic response.

Show quote history

But getting a response is a totally different thing. A read receipt is not a plan confirmation

Somebatshitteryonhere · 08/01/2023 11:25

shrunkenhead · 08/01/2023 11:22

I think it's bit petty tbh. No one really cares who is/ isn't online or whether they've read/not read a message! I think some people actually think their lives and online status are of great interest to others and they're really not. Some people just like the "drama" of turning off the ticks.
People need to get over themselves.

I don’t understand what drama is there is turning off the ticks? Thr on,y drama would come from someone who wanted to know they were on line or had read. And if they are the sort to create drama over it, then the person was right to switch them off

Roseberry1 · 08/01/2023 11:26

I agree they should have confirmed plans, but YABU for thinking they shouldn't have their 'read' receipts off.

People get so funny if you've opened their message and not responded straight away. Unfortunately, you can't just do it for individual people/groups you have to do it for all.

NuffSaidSam · 08/01/2023 11:26

Bbq1 · 08/01/2023 11:21

I understand that but surely it is someone else's business to know if plans are confirmed? Atm I just have to assume that the arrangements are going ahead. I couldn't care less if or when they actually read the message, but I would like a basic response.

Show quote history

You absolutely should get a basic response.

That's nothing to do with read receipts though is it?

Two different things.

BlockedbyHfromSteps · 08/01/2023 11:26

Bbq1 · 08/01/2023 11:21

I understand that but surely it is someone else's business to know if plans are confirmed? Atm I just have to assume that the arrangements are going ahead. I couldn't care less if or when they actually read the message, but I would like a basic response.

Show quote history

YABU to expect others to do the same as you. If you’re that concerned about knowing if an arrangement is confirmed then you could phone them.

AmazonsFuckedUpFreeMusicFeature · 08/01/2023 11:27

girlmom21 · 08/01/2023 11:13

It's because some people (you'll see it all the time on here) get upset when the person they're messaging is online and doesn't instantly read their message or reads their message and don't instantly respond.

People should confirm plans regardless.

Yup yup yup

CitronVert22 · 08/01/2023 11:27

''But getting a response is a totally different thing. A read receipt is not a plan confirmation''

If you're doing something like 'Still good for the café at 10? Leaving now.' for a prearranged thing, I take two blue ticks as meaning all good still. So it is a bit annoying. I can see why people do it, but it makes it hard to know what people know. Obviously making new, complex plans a RR doesn't mean you just agree!

If you are going to turn of RR then good manners would say I click the thumbs up to the café plan above to confirm. It's not hard!

LindorDoubleChoc · 08/01/2023 11:27

Yabu to not understand. We have enough threads on here from people who get arsey when their friend / boyfriend hasn't replied to a message within 15 seconds.

Sparklingbrook · 08/01/2023 11:27

I wouldn't take knowing they've read it as confirmation of attendance, maybe they've read it and are busily trying to find an excuse to get out of it. Grin
But they can't say they didn't know. If they've turned it off they can say they didn't see it (or 'I typed I reply but forgot to press send')

NuffSaidSam · 08/01/2023 11:28

shrunkenhead · 08/01/2023 11:22

I think it's bit petty tbh. No one really cares who is/ isn't online or whether they've read/not read a message! I think some people actually think their lives and online status are of great interest to others and they're really not. Some people just like the "drama" of turning off the ticks.
People need to get over themselves.

So if no-one cares it doesn't matter about read receipts? I totally agree.

I don't understand how that equates to drama though?! How does me doing something you have absolutely no interest in equate to drama?

RebeccaCloud9 · 08/01/2023 11:28

You shouldn't assume that plans are confirmed just because someone has read the message. They might have opened it whilst doing something else, and not concentrated. Or be meaning to text back with a change of plans, or their child may have been using the phone when the message came in and so on.

If you're going to assume anything, assume it ISN'T confirmed unless said so!

AFAIK, you either have read receipt on or off for all of WhatsApp. So you say 'why all the secrecy, these are family members and friends' - well they are to you, but they'll also probably have colleagues, acquaintances, maybe their boss, other parents in child's class, clients etc. So they may have many reasons why they want to turn off beyond their relationship with you.