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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not understand why people turn off read receipts on WhatsApp

235 replies

Bbq1 · 08/01/2023 11:10

I use WhatsApp to chat with friends and family but more often than not, to make actual plans. A friend and couple of family members have started to turn off read receipts. It's so frustrating because if we make plans via WhatsApp and then say we arrange a time to meet, I just have to assume that they have read the message as it appears unread. I don't get all the secrecy as these are family members and friends. It started with them disabling the last seen feature and has graduated to this. Aibu and I should just assume plans are firm whether I hear back or not?

OP posts:
Sparklingbrook · 08/01/2023 11:29

Everything on MN is a drama. Grin

Farmageddon · 08/01/2023 11:29

I don't understand OP, are they not turning up at the arranged time, or not confirming plans? That's not the same as a read receipt.

You could say to them - can you confirm that X o clock is the time to meet?

bellac11 · 08/01/2023 11:29

I dont think the read receipts are accurate to be honest. I think it counts the message as read once it flashes up on the screen, but it could flash up on the screen when Im not looking at the phone or have it in my bag etc

Ive noticed that people seem to think Ive read messages that I havent yet. All my messages that I send people have a double tick within seconds of me sending in when I know that there are messages that cant possibly be read in that time, such as OH driving for 3 hours for example,neither of us use hands free or our phones in the car so he hasnt read the message but it shows as if he has

RebeccaCloud9 · 08/01/2023 11:30

..but I totally agree that people should respond to you, especially re making plans!

NuffSaidSam · 08/01/2023 11:31

If you're doing something like 'Still good for the café at 10? Leaving now.' for a prearranged thing, I take two blue ticks as meaning all good still. So it is a bit annoying.

Well, then you're wrong.

Two blue ticks means it read, not agreed to.

RebeccaCloud9 · 08/01/2023 11:31

@bellac11 do you mean grey double tick? That just means delivered. Blue double tick means read. (One grey tick is sent but not yet delivered the other end)

Fabfam · 08/01/2023 11:32

Sparklingbrook · 08/01/2023 11:22

I think in OP's scenario it's just goodmanners to reply if someone is trying to arrange something, however the message is sent.

This . It is basic manners if the message is about something specific that effect other peoples plans !
This is why I personally cannot be arsed with what app. If I really need specific information I call the person or otherwise I text .

Somebatshitteryonhere · 08/01/2023 11:32

CitronVert22 · 08/01/2023 11:27

''But getting a response is a totally different thing. A read receipt is not a plan confirmation''

If you're doing something like 'Still good for the café at 10? Leaving now.' for a prearranged thing, I take two blue ticks as meaning all good still. So it is a bit annoying. I can see why people do it, but it makes it hard to know what people know. Obviously making new, complex plans a RR doesn't mean you just agree!

If you are going to turn of RR then good manners would say I click the thumbs up to the café plan above to confirm. It's not hard!

I’d never take having read a message as a confirmation answer.

Original poster
Bbq1 · 08/01/2023 11:32

Thanks for the replies. I see now that it is 2 different issues. I'm not interested in stalking anyone, I'm not even on fb. These are people I see regularly. I jusr want some confirmation of plans. Trying not to out myself here but said family member asked if it was ok to visit my elderly Aunt on a set date and at a specific time. For some reason I am the go between and phone calls aren't actually made. I contact my Aunt and she says that's fine. I then return to asker and tell him that day and time is fine for Aunt. I don't receive any response other than 2 grey ticks. Maybe I'm just expected to expect that because he suggested the arrangements then it's confirmed?

OP posts:
bellac11 · 08/01/2023 11:33

CitronVert22 · 08/01/2023 11:27

''But getting a response is a totally different thing. A read receipt is not a plan confirmation''

If you're doing something like 'Still good for the café at 10? Leaving now.' for a prearranged thing, I take two blue ticks as meaning all good still. So it is a bit annoying. I can see why people do it, but it makes it hard to know what people know. Obviously making new, complex plans a RR doesn't mean you just agree!

If you are going to turn of RR then good manners would say I click the thumbs up to the café plan above to confirm. It's not hard!

Thats a massive mistake to take the ticks as if its been read!!!!

Kitcaterpillar · 08/01/2023 11:34

Because it's terrible for people's mental health. Noone needs to know when someone last glanced at their phone. It's WhatsApp, you know it delivered, it always delivers so it's up to the person getting it to reply.

KendrickLamaze · 08/01/2023 11:35

I wouldn't see any plans as confirmed without a response, blue ticks or not. I keep mine on because I don't care. If someone gets offended I have been online and not read their message read and not responded I'll tell them to stop being such a dick. Most of my private friends have them turned off. It's their prerogative.

Moonpies · 08/01/2023 11:36

I use WhatsApp for work also, so have turned off, need to keep some privacy. Your urgency is not my emergency.

bellac11 · 08/01/2023 11:36

RebeccaCloud9 · 08/01/2023 11:31

@bellac11 do you mean grey double tick? That just means delivered. Blue double tick means read. (One grey tick is sent but not yet delivered the other end)

I didnt mention grey

I said that if there are 2 ticks it doesnt actually mean its been read by the recipient but people think it has been. Its a big error to belive that

NuffSaidSam · 08/01/2023 11:37

bellac11 · 08/01/2023 11:29

I dont think the read receipts are accurate to be honest. I think it counts the message as read once it flashes up on the screen, but it could flash up on the screen when Im not looking at the phone or have it in my bag etc

Ive noticed that people seem to think Ive read messages that I havent yet. All my messages that I send people have a double tick within seconds of me sending in when I know that there are messages that cant possibly be read in that time, such as OH driving for 3 hours for example,neither of us use hands free or our phones in the car so he hasnt read the message but it shows as if he has

Double ticks just mean it's been delivered.

Blue ticks when it's been read (if they have read receipts on).

Original poster
Bbq1 · 08/01/2023 11:37

Farmageddon · 08/01/2023 11:29

I don't understand OP, are they not turning up at the arranged time, or not confirming plans? That's not the same as a read receipt.

You could say to them - can you confirm that X o clock is the time to meet?

Not confirming plans but generally (not always) keep to the pre arranged plans.

OP posts:
Ani22 · 08/01/2023 11:37

Some people turn off the bit where you get a blue tick indicating they have seen message. On my iphone, if you swipe right to left on the mssge you have sent you can see if it has been read.

bellac11 · 08/01/2023 11:39

NuffSaidSam · 08/01/2023 11:37

Double ticks just mean it's been delivered.

Blue ticks when it's been read (if they have read receipts on).

Show quote history

I only have blue ticks on my phone. And it doesnt mean the recipient has read it.

whataboutsecondbreakfast · 08/01/2023 11:39

If you're making plans, they should reply and confirm - it's just rude not to.

I often turn my read receipts off though, as I use WhatsApp to communicate with clients and I don't want them being able to hassle me just because I've read a message and not responded right away.

Somebatshitteryonhere · 08/01/2023 11:40

Bbq1 · 08/01/2023 11:32

Thanks for the replies. I see now that it is 2 different issues. I'm not interested in stalking anyone, I'm not even on fb. These are people I see regularly. I jusr want some confirmation of plans. Trying not to out myself here but said family member asked if it was ok to visit my elderly Aunt on a set date and at a specific time. For some reason I am the go between and phone calls aren't actually made. I contact my Aunt and she says that's fine. I then return to asker and tell him that day and time is fine for Aunt. I don't receive any response other than 2 grey ticks. Maybe I'm just expected to expect that because he suggested the arrangements then it's confirmed?

Well no. The ball is in there court, either let it be or call them,

Original poster
Bbq1 · 08/01/2023 11:40

Bbq1 · 08/01/2023 11:32

Thanks for the replies. I see now that it is 2 different issues. I'm not interested in stalking anyone, I'm not even on fb. These are people I see regularly. I jusr want some confirmation of plans. Trying not to out myself here but said family member asked if it was ok to visit my elderly Aunt on a set date and at a specific time. For some reason I am the go between and phone calls aren't actually made. I contact my Aunt and she says that's fine. I then return to asker and tell him that day and time is fine for Aunt. I don't receive any response other than 2 grey ticks. Maybe I'm just expected to expect that because he suggested the arrangements then it's confirmed?

If you look at the current scenario it's not even myself I'm bothered about.

OP posts:
TiaraBoo · 08/01/2023 11:40

Maybe write in the message something like if you don’t let me know by this evening I’ll cancel .

BetterCallMe · 08/01/2023 11:40

Turning off read receipts doesn't work in group chats, only in one-to-one chats.

If you're in a group chat, you can still see which members have read (two blue ticks) the message, by clicking on a message and checking the "i" info.

I agree though that having read a message is not the same as confirming any plans.

BTW OP, why are you acting as go between? Why not leave these people to sort themselves out? They both have a phone and know how to use them...

NuffSaidSam · 08/01/2023 11:40

Bbq1 · 08/01/2023 11:32

Thanks for the replies. I see now that it is 2 different issues. I'm not interested in stalking anyone, I'm not even on fb. These are people I see regularly. I jusr want some confirmation of plans. Trying not to out myself here but said family member asked if it was ok to visit my elderly Aunt on a set date and at a specific time. For some reason I am the go between and phone calls aren't actually made. I contact my Aunt and she says that's fine. I then return to asker and tell him that day and time is fine for Aunt. I don't receive any response other than 2 grey ticks. Maybe I'm just expected to expect that because he suggested the arrangements then it's confirmed?

Don't assume it's confirmed.

I would assume he's working something out and will get back to you when it is confirmed.

If it's been a while, then he's rude for not replying.

NuffSaidSam · 08/01/2023 11:43

bellac11 · 08/01/2023 11:39

I only have blue ticks on my phone. And it doesnt mean the recipient has read it.

Show quote history

Then WhatsApp isn't working correctly on your phone.

There is a three tick system.

One grey tick: the message has been sent but not received.

Two grey ticks: the message has been received, but not read.

Two bright blue ticks: the message has been read (but this only works if read receipts are on or in group chats).

It's that simple.

Either WhatsApp doesn't work or you're misinterpreting the bluey-grey ticks for the bright blue ticks.