To not understand why people turn off read receipts on WhatsApp

[Bbq1]

I use WhatsApp to chat with friends and family but more often than not, to make actual plans. A friend and couple of family members have started to turn off read receipts. It's so frustrating because if we make plans via WhatsApp and then say we arrange a time to meet, I just have to assume that they have read the message as it appears unread. I don't get all the secrecy as these are family members and friends. It started with them disabling the last seen feature and has graduated to this. Aibu and I should just assume plans are firm whether I hear back or not?

I don't care how many ticks there are
I don't care what colour they are
I don't care when someone was last online
If they don't confirm they will be at ABC at XYZ o clock then I'm not going because nothing has been confirmed.

Absolutely, its basic communication

Also to echo someone else, I notice that messages come through not in the order they're sent sometimes and this makes for quite confusing conversation at times!!!

You don't pay its all included in your phone package.
Unlimited Calls and Texts.

This is why I don't have WhatsApp. Stick to old fashion texts.

Because I don't want to get wrapped up in thoughts about why people haven't replied when they've read my messages and I want to be able to read and reply to messages at my own convenience. It's just easier for me if privacy is maintained in both directions. Can't turn them off for group messages which is a bit annoying.

I turned them off because I couldn't be doing with other people's neurotic behaviour, obsessing over when I replied to messages in relation to when I'd seen them. I can't turn them off for individuals, they're either on or off for everyone.

That aside, someone having seen your message isn't a response to it, or agreement to it, its literally just them having seen it in some capacity.

I think it’s a setting for the whole of WhatsApp so it’s not necessarily about you not seeing that they’ve read it but others. But it’s automatic I’m group chats- you can’t turn it off! Set up a group for an event or friendship group.

*In group

In the scenario where someone hadn’t acknowledged plans, don’t you just message again?

‘Oi, bro - aunt is asking whether to expect you on Sunday at 12. Can you confirm please?’

It’s things like when a friend sends you a lengthy message about something they’re upset about, like their partner has pissed them off or something.

And you’re busy. You’re out with your children enjoying the day. But because you don’t immediately start engaging in a “awww hun <lengthy message>“ conversation the friend gets annoyed.

It’s because of reply-nazis

So people don't get obsessed about when they've read a message & not replied.

This

It doesn't matter whether or not you know they've read the message.

If you're arranging something, then you need positive confirmation from them that they're agreeing to something or attending, or whatever.

It's annoying for them if you just assume they're agreeing because they've read the message - if you've been doing that, then I can see why they've turned off the read messages!

You need to ask them outright if they agree or are attending etc, not just "assume" they are because you think they've read the message!

Hahahahahahahah outlandish!

I turn off read receipts, online status and last seen status and - shock horror - I also archive all chats bar three people so I'll respond when I see it/when it suits me. Not confirming plans is rude - but for everything else... I'll do it in my own time. Instant messaging has made people so demanding. If I walked into your kitchen and started talking at you and then getting irate that you're not immediately responding it would be bizarre behaviour. Same diff in my book.

Just message the person again and say “Can you please confirm you are visiting Aunt on that day and time?”.

Mine are off and so is my Last Seen time. I don't like that people expect me to respond just because I've read a message and will message me again because they can see I've read the message and haven't replied.
As for the plans being firm just because they read a message, that's mad. Unless I tell someone yes then I'm not going.
It might be frustrating for you, but not some people don't like being tied to their phone. I use mine for work so I have to be on it, it doesn't mean I have the time to respond to messages just because I clicked them.

Why should they have to message them again?

"As for the plans being firm just because they read a message, that's mad."

No, it's not mad. If you've agreed to go somewhere then you get the exact time, blue tick means the person knows the time. There's no need to reply in that case.

Yeah doesn’t make sense because you can just swipe right on their msg and see if they have read it anyways!

Well it is other people's business if they need to know you're aware of the plans isn't it? It's not for the other person to have to start texting and calling you to check.

So they asked if date/time was ok with aunt. You went back and said yes it was. I don’t see that they need to reply to that. You haven’t asked them to confirm anything in your update. If you want confirmation of a reply or that it still suits them then ask for it. Otherwise I’d assume it’s all ok and going ahead at the date/time they suggested.

I could be wrong but you can only turn them off for everyone or have them on for everyone. It could be someone else in their life gives them grief if they don’t respond immediately after reading so they turned them off, nothing to do with you!

Because it makes me much less anxious having it turned off so I'm not saying waiting to see if someone has read my message and is ignoring me. It also means I don't feel obliged to rush a reply/make a decision just because they know it's been read.
Seeing something's been read does not actually mean it's been read either, the amount of times I swipe and accidentally open a message and don't actually read it, equally if I'm reading it on my Home Screen it won't show it's been read even though it has.
For example, If my boss was to WhatsApp me about a shift change and I read the message it doesn't mean I'm agreeing until I've replied yes or no.
Read is not the same as them agreeing with you and you being fragile about it is more of a reflection. It's a bit controlling to expect everyone to have read receipts on IMO.