To not understand why people turn off read receipts on WhatsApp

[Bbq1]

I use WhatsApp to chat with friends and family but more often than not, to make actual plans. A friend and couple of family members have started to turn off read receipts. It's so frustrating because if we make plans via WhatsApp and then say we arrange a time to meet, I just have to assume that they have read the message as it appears unread. I don't get all the secrecy as these are family members and friends. It started with them disabling the last seen feature and has graduated to this. Aibu and I should just assume plans are firm whether I hear back or not?

Because some of us have very controlling family members who use the blue ticks to bash us over the head. I might have read a message just as I'm getting in the car for a busy day out. I might have accidentally opened the message and not had time to actually read it yet (this happens a lot to me that I accidentally open things from notifications on my phone). If my family member saw those blue ticks, they'd be blowing up my phone demanding a response because "I know you've seen the message!!!" or they'd be trying to find out what I'm doing from other family members. I guess it's a shame if other people are feeling slightly inconvenienced by the lack of blue ticks but frankly how and when I choose to use my phone is nobody else's business and I don't owe anyone a read receipt. I don't need to justify what I'm doing with my day.

Not responding is a separate issue. If your friend doesn't confirm plans then your issue is with them being a flake.

For some reason I am the go between
I don't receive any response

Yeah read receipts aren't your problem here are they.

Your family member using you as his PA and not even giving you the respect of a reply and a thank you is your problem.

Try phoning.

It’s because people get arsey and huffy if they don’t get a response straight away. They’re the type of people who start “questioning friendships” over it.

I turned mine off when I started getting spam messages from people I didn’t know in other countries. But I do confirm plans with my actual friends and family so I hope they’re not too annoyed at my lack of blue ticks.

I turn them off because my husband has a habit of sending me messages like “they haven’t got 4 pint semi skimmed in Asda what should I do?” rather than engaging his brain. If he sees I’ve read it he’ll then send
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until I respond. I’m at work when he does this btw.

I never don’t respond to proper questions though.

Im going to experiment

Your privacy settings apply to all your messages - so they may have turned their read receipts off for another reason unrelated to you, but it means that none of their messages will show read receipts from anyone

Yes, you are being unreasonable. People turn off their read receipts because they don't want to feel monitored. I'll often be out and about or working when a message pops up and I don't want the person who has sent the message expecting that I'm getting busy immediately with whatever they want.

Also, sometimes I'll read messages at weird times. If it's 3 am and I'm checking messages, I don't want people seeing that and judging it or mentioning it in the wrong company. Same if it's during work hours or when I'm meant to be focusing on someone's husband's speech or concert or whatever.

Honestly, I get the strong impression that you're seeing a flurry of switching off because you're pressuring people.

Read receipts don't actually tell you that the message has been read, just that the person has clicked on the message.

I often accidentally click on a message when I mean to click another one (and so move onto the message I actually meant to go to without reading the first one) or I'll click on the message, read the first line, realise it needs more of my attention than I can give it right now and plan to read it properly later.

In both cases, the sender would get a read receipt. In both cases I haven't read the message properly.

"Read receipts wouldn't actually help you in that circumstance anyway would they? You'd know they'd read it, but you wouldn't know if they agree to the plans. You need a reply, not a read receipt."

Presumably they've agreed to meet or whatever, but the details may have changed e.g. we're meeting at the Black Lion at 7, not the Blue Bells at 6. I don't need a reply to that, just the blue tick to know the person has seen it or I have to spend time (and potentially money) texting and calling the person.

Mine have been off for just about as long as I can remember. A friend would message "have I done something wrong" if I didn't reply in minutes and I thought fuck this.
It annoys me that you can see I've read messages in group chat but hey ho.
No ones business but mine thank you

It is if we’re meeting and I’ve messaged you to confirm I’ll be there on time. Why the secret squirrel act?!

Yes, but if you don't get blue ticks to that you don't know if they know you're threatening to cancel and you'd end up having to call them.

If you swipe your message on your phone you can see whether it's been seen.

Um, the whole point of WA is not to have to phone for every small thing. Until recently I was paying per call, why the hell do I have to pay to talk to someone because they don't want blue ticks?

I agree with that. The people I know who do it love a bit of power play.

It's because some people (you'll see it all the time on here) get upset when the person they're messaging is online and doesn't instantly read their message or reads their message and don't instantly respond.

I agree.

But this is the reason why I’d never turn them off.

Many times I will read a message and not reply.
Either because I don’t want to or I am busy and will reply later.

Either way it wouldn’t bother me if they got upset about it as that’s their issue, not mine.
I am not there to drop everything I am doing just reply to someone straight away.

I have mine turned off so I don't feel under pressure to reply to people whilst at work or dealing with DC.

I have a friend that will keep sending messages if people have read theirs and not replied and it's so annoying so this stops that .

My dh does this due to some tin foil hat nonsense somewhere in his brain.
It means in reality that if I am out and message him, I never know whether he has got the message. Can you pick up child 2 at 12? Who the fuck knows. We both arrive, me cos he has not responded, him because he had got the message.

Strictly speaking it means the mesage has been opened, no way to tell if the person has read it

My phone can be annoying and open messages when I unlock it, I don't always then read it as I may need to do something more urgent but to the sender it will look as if I have

@Etinoxaurus, you know the answer. Because people will message you when they want you to know something. And because although it might be fine for someone to see a read receipt in the example you mentioned, there are other cases, where it creates confusion for people to see read receipts.

I already mentioned in another comment that when I receive messages and can't respond or think about them immediately, it creates confusion for people to think I'm hurrying to fulfill their orders!

I wouldn’t rely on WA at the moment anyway, even with read receipts on - lots of people I know have and issues with missing notifications or unreliable ones. I’ve spent ages troubleshooting my WA and am sometimes getting regular notifications as normal and sometimes not - and that can happen even during a conversation.

Why can’t you call to confirm or say going forward WA is too unreliable so you need SMS confirmation or a call or you assume whatever has been organised is not going ahead?

Sounds more like poor communication... and i say that as someone who has read receipts off.

Yes, having conducted a thorough in depth and rigorous experiment this morning with my and OHs phone I can say this is whats happening. I dont get any grey ticks but it assumes that the message has been read when it comes up on the screen when using the phone for other things, because by default it seems to open the message

Whether thats correct or not I couldnt say

Ive also now (thanks to this thread) turned off my online status and message status because I have a friend who does the same thing with tons of question marks if I dont get back instantly its really rude.