MIL cut my daughter’s hair without telling us

[Lkjhgfdds]

My partner and I have been together for 14 years. We have a 2 year old daughter.

We recently stayed at the in laws for Christmas and MIL was looking after our daughter most of the days, so I can rest (I am also pregnant with our second).
On the last day before we were going to leave, MIL cuts our daughter’s hair without telling me or my partner. (The cut is not good and not bad)
I was furious and confronted MIL, she admitted it.
It has affected me so much that it has caused arguments with my partner everyday. It has now got to the point where I don’t want my MIL to see our daughter but my partner still wants her to carry on seeing our daughter. We haven’t reached a compromise so now we have decided to separate because he chose his parents over me.
Am I being unreasonable? Should I just get over it and let my MIL see our daughter.

As a MIL and a grandparent,hair cut would be a huge NO from me,not my place! If dil asked me then that's different but I fully get why your upset!

Also seeing your other post about how your mil behaves also raises flags for me,sending gifts backs,why?how dare she! That's yours & your partners job to do,not hers.

I'd be livid. Would it not make sense to say contact with her is always supervised now- that seems like a compromise? I agree with PP, she will now be with mil and you will have zero control so I think if I was in your shoes, I'd be suggesting supervised contact

Doesn’t sound like it is ‘over a haircut’ tbf

A lot of gaslighting going on, followed by reports of how ‘my parents would only mean well if they cut DC’s hair’.

It’s not about the (most recent) haircut without saying anything ……

It’s about disrespect and loss of trust

You can either stay as you are
Your partner backed you up and thinks that going NC with his mother is OTT and get over it,

Or you can leave, he gets the child at least every other weekend, possibly more as his mother is keen to baby sit and loose any control over what happens when your DD is there.

But the choice is yours.

It doesn’t sound as though there’s been more than one haircut. I’m sure the OP would have been quite clear if this was a repeat offence.

It's great to see the old mn classics still being rolled out

Any man who had a relationship with his mother that isn't completely on his wife's terms is a mummy's boy.

A man who demanded his mil never saw their child again and decided divorce was the only route when his wife didn't agree would definitely be called reasonable and not a controlling psychopath who was trying to isolate his wife along with a lovely "I've never seen so many red flags since (insert event where you'd see lots of red flags)" joke

Normally I'd be the first to criticise an interfering MIL (I've had one) but I can never get very excited about anything to do with hair. It's not like getting a child a piercing or something that leaves them permanently changed. Had you ever specifically told her not to do that? If not, it may not have crossed her mind that there was anything wrong with it. Some of the other things she has done concern me more.

Lkjhgfdds · Yesterday 23:38
Hi all,

Thank you for your responses.

Just to answer a few questions.

We were with MIL all afternoon and she didn’t say a word. (She cut it in the morning) She only admitted it when we confronted her.
She apologised when I confronted her. No contact has been made since.

Some back story
Since the 2 years she has been

Showing up to the house unannounced to see daughter but using another excuse
Setting boundaries that are not followed e.g bedtime and food choices
Cutting hair without permission
Taking gifts that were given by other people to our daughter and returning it to them without telling us
Possessive in photos and at dinners/events (when taking family photos she would be in the middle with the baby when me and my partner would be on the side, at dinner/events not letting anyone else hold or be near the baby including parents)

@Mayorquimby2
that was the later post by OP mentioning previous haircuts

🙄

I think you meant to @ me.

Yes I saw that second post from the OP.

I don’t believe there have been any previous haircuts, I think the OP is just adding her recent grievance to her list of complaints.

If the OP’s MIL had form for giving unwanted haircuts, and had been asked not to, there’s no way the OP wouldn’t have specified that.

So would everyone saying the op is unreasonable, cut a child that isn't theirs, hair?

No-one has said she's unreasonable for being annoyed that MIL cut her child's hair. They're saying that she's ridiculously unreasonable to say that her MIL can never see her grandchild again because of it, and then split up from her husband over it.

I'd be fucking livid if my MIL cut my daughter's hair without permission.

But I wouldn't divorce my wife if she didn't immediately agree with my reaction of "I'm so annoyed about the haircut, it's such a shame your mother can never see our daughter again"

You know as an asides, I have come across a fair few toddlers in my time, whose hair was hanging in their eyes and frankly looked annoying and a mess because many of them won't tolerate clips or bobbles or keep them in.
I would wonder why their parent didn't just lop an inch off. Of course I would never take it upon myself to do it on their behalf, granny or not. But yes those mummy goggles look through a kid's comfort sometimes.

No, but I also wouldn't tear apart my marriage and the family of my young and unborn children over it either if DH didn't immediately agree we never saw that person again, the person who'd been looking after said child most of Xmas so I didn't have to because I wanted a break

Not sure if you've read the whole thread but what people are deeming unreasonable is denying the grandmother access to their grandchild, and leaving the husband.

"Mum you know I never had any relationship with my gran before she died... was the haircut really that bad?"

"The cut was not good and not bad... but that's not the point"

Ha ha, @MaryMcCarthy !