MIL cut my daughter’s hair without telling us

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My partner and I have been together for 14 years. We have a 2 year old daughter.

We recently stayed at the in laws for Christmas and MIL was looking after our daughter most of the days, so I can rest (I am also pregnant with our second).
On the last day before we were going to leave, MIL cuts our daughter’s hair without telling me or my partner. (The cut is not good and not bad)
I was furious and confronted MIL, she admitted it.
It has affected me so much that it has caused arguments with my partner everyday. It has now got to the point where I don’t want my MIL to see our daughter but my partner still wants her to carry on seeing our daughter. We haven’t reached a compromise so now we have decided to separate because he chose his parents over me.
Am I being unreasonable? Should I just get over it and let my MIL see our daughter.

What on earth are you jabbering about? Of course she shouldn't go NC, where do I say she should? My post says quite the opposite in fact.

OP states that she has had rows about this with DP every day since, this implies that he is taking his DMs side. What else are they rowing about otherwise?

He needs to take OPs side and insist his DM never cuts DDs hair again (even if he thinks it's a fuss about nothing) then life can continue as before with DD enjoying her visits to her GM.

You need to calm down, your sound more hysterical than OP, and she has pregnancy hormones she can blame!

Why does it imply he is taking his mums side? Absolutely nowhere does op say that the child’s father has said he is happy his mother cut the child hair and is happy for her to do it again.

You post entirely contradicts itself. ‘Don’t go nuclear but also your partner should support you going nuclear rather than having his own opinion’.

His opinion, may well be that she should not have done it but an apology has been given, after being confronted by the op. So his mother is fully aware that she is wrong. So now he his opinion is that it’s dealt with and done.

If op wants to get upset about it everyday, that doesn’t mean he must indulge that if he feels it’s an overreaction.

I sound hysterical? If you are projecting a tone on to my post, that’s on you. If you assume people who disagree with you, must be hysterical (a typical misogynistic insult) that’s, also on you.

This is a fair summary. I love how much my MIL and FIL love DS, suspect it's more your discomfort with them causing the issue rather than behaviour.

Deep breaths OP. Call your DH, say you're sorry you over-reacted because you were upset. Sit down and talk through calmly how to be clear with his DM about some boundaries; e.g. nothing should be done that lasts longer than the babysitting session, so no cutting hair / ear piercing / sugar before bedtime.

I'm usually well up for agreeing that the MIL was wrong blah blah and she absolutely was wrong and if you told her you wasn't happy and please not to do it again then that should of been the end of it.
To end your relationship over such is way over the top but completely understand your pregnancy hormones will be on overdrive.
I would apologise to DH and admit you over reacted however, if MIL knows she's not to make such decisions about your daughter then that should be sufficient?

To me the daily arguments suggest how much of a mountain out of a molehill the OP is making and how she is trying to chip away until her husband agrees for a quiet life

You can hate your MIL for any reason you like and you can separate from your partner for any reason you like, but getting worked up because she holds your child in pictures etc is ridiculous.

fwiw I agree with you about the hair cut, but in the grand scheme of things just be annoyed and that’s it!

YABU big time. Give the poor woman a break.

The legalities are also lost for me - cutting someone’s hair without permission is assault. Cutting a child hair without parental permission probably falls under similar. The grandmother is massively over-stepping. I’d be livid beyond words. If she was lacking remorse / brushed it away - I’d feel similar to OP as she’s now unable to trust her. No trust = no contact!

The MIL’s boundaries are poor in various areas. She is in the wrong, but you are not going to get her to see that. Your partner will just be wanting the quiet life so will want you to be the bigger person so that he doesn’t have to experience any discomfort any more.
In my experience, as my MIL has aged and my daughter has aged, we’ve all got on better. She’s mellowed and dd is less of a prize for her as she’s older. I would try to ride it out. See her less and see her in a more controlled way e.g. an hour with you being there all the time.

Yabu.
Wrecking a child's home life and removing gp over a minor issue,relatively speaking,is callous.
you should have set boundaries firmly in place from day one..
you rested all day every day,leaving her in charge of your dd so I'm not surprised she took some decisions as she probably felt she had some sort of entitlement to do so.
pregnancy is exhausting but not all day long laying around.
she was wrong to trim her hair but you have reacted in a childish manner and should think through who is going to suffer the most ....your dd !!

The ‘poor woman’ cut the child’s hair and didn’t even run it by the mum. She’s also done several other bizarre things according to the OP’s update.

You have a right to be upset about her over stepping the mark and yo7 also have a right to be upset at her cutting your daughters hair as I would be furious however to break up your relationship over it is ridiculous.

I would expect an actual apology from MIL and she wouldn’t be getting unsupervised visits for a while until I could trust her again.

I would be annoyed too, but you have told her it’s not acceptable and she has apologised.

your follow up doesn’t indicate that she is anything other than a doting grandmother, albeit she’s still needs to understand boundaries. You need to be clear on what you will die on a hill for, and if you do it for this then sorry that is completely nuts.

You’re putting your husband in a difficult position and he’s not picking sides, he’s trying to maintain a relationship which is important to him and your daughter, even if it’s not important to you.

Sorry to be so blunt, but you are definitely overreacting and it’s probably because of pregnancy hormones. Don’t do anything drastic now that you will regret once everything has settled down.

I think completely cutting her off is not necessary. Its a bit harsh. Some of her behaviours are a bit odd. Why do some women go bat shit when their DD/DIL have babies?

what about your partner? Whats the history there. Surely its a bit dramatic to call off the relationship over this unless theres more to it? I get your stressed/tired etc being pregnant. Just make sure you're making the right decision

My ds is now 17.
My MIL did the exact same thing when he was around 2 and it looked bloody awful. I was fuming. But it was what it was, I soon got over it. Dh had a word with her and it never happened again.
I would never have threatened to stop her seeing our dc, she loved them with a passion and was a fantastic Nan. It’s a very nasty thing to do.
My MIL passed away 2 years ago and I miss her so much even though she was a right pia at times.
We look back at that time and now laugh, as you hopefully will (if you aren’t as highly strung as you come across).
Hopefully, it’s just your pregnancy hormones clouding your vision.
Think forward a few decades. Will you want a son or daughter in law deciding to withdraw all contact from your grandchildren? It’s bloody heartbreaking for grandparents when this happens. Don’t be so controlling and mean.

I would be furious beyond all compare. This is a total overstep over grandparent boundaries and your partner should be telling his mother that if that ever happens again she will not see the child. End of.

But she's not lacking remorse or brushing it away. She apologised.

You mean like it was an accident or something?

Massive overreaction from you. Get a grip.

I disagree. He's allowed his own opinions, and those may at times differ from the OP's. I wouldn't blindly back DH up if he disagreed with something my mother had done, particularly if he said our children were never allowed to see her again.

It's about good communication and sensible compromise.

The princess must be gutted that her toddler won't be looked after by MIL most days, so that she can 'rest'.
That and the haircut. I swear this place is like a different planet sometimes.

Your MIL sounds like a right cunt, she won’t change. I’d nip round & cut her hair, badly.

I'd like to know what kind of cut this was, as it seems it took you a while to notice...
Chopping her knee length ringlets into a bob?
Trimming her fringe that kept getting in her eyes?

Some of the replies on here are down right weird (it’s a bloody hair cut ffs).
Yes, the MIL should not have done it without permission but she sounds like a loving and caring grandparent.
And the hatred for MIL’s on MN is like nothing I have seen in RL.