Page 8 | Is it weird that my bf has gone for dinner with his boss?

babypleasenow · 2023-01-06T17:54:53+00:00

So we've been together 5 years or so. His boss came to his work today at the end of the day and he's just text to say they've gone to get some food at a Wetherspoons after work. She's single and knows about our relationship but I don't feel immediately worried by it, but should I? I don't know how to feel!

QueSyrahSyrah · 07/01/2023 10:47

Christ I've travelled for 3 and 4 nights away with just me and a male colleague and eaten dinner (and breakfast and lunch) together every day. No drama, because we are colleagues doing our jobs and there was absolutely no difference to taking a business trip away with a female colleague.

I couldn't get worked up about a quick Wetherspoons dinner unless he has form for philandering with colleagues.

Alconleigh · 07/01/2023 10:49

Is it 2023?! A woman going for a quick bite with a male direct report is pestering a man with a wife at home?! I feel we're about 2 posts from someone muttering "she's no better than she ought to be" while huffing their housecoat-clad bosom.
Utterly bizarre.

VioletaDelValle · 07/01/2023 10:57

TarasHarp55 · 07/01/2023 10:42

I also don't understand why they can't just go home to tea. You see enough of work colleagues throughout the day. Just because this woman might be at a loose end for a few hours she shouldn't be pestering others who've got wives to go home to.

We don't actually know if it was because she was at a loose end? Maybe she had something work related to talk about? Or she wants to get to know him better as there might be opportunities coming up? It's sounds like she's not there all the time so the fact it's a Friday is a bit of a red herring.

We don't know because the OP hasn't given us a much detail.

In many, many sectors building a relationship with colleagues is important and is beneficial for career advancement.

CitronVert22 · 07/01/2023 10:59

My boss took all his direct reports out for a meal individually. It was nice! I'd hate to live in a Mike Pence world where eating dinner with a person of the opposite sex is cause for suspicion. Not least because men are still more senior on average and it'll hold back the careers of women if this is our norm (obviously doesn't apply in your case)

WandaWonder · 07/01/2023 11:09

TarasHarp55 · 07/01/2023 10:42

I also don't understand why they can't just go home to tea. You see enough of work colleagues throughout the day. Just because this woman might be at a loose end for a few hours she shouldn't be pestering others who've got wives to go home to.

Yeah those wives should be waiting with the home fires burning and their man's slippers and with something in the oven, let's not forget make-up on

SpicyFoodRocks · 07/01/2023 11:18

PeachyMama · 06/01/2023 23:10

@Cheeseandhoney getting psycho analysed by a randomer on mumsnet. Probably a Middle Aged Karen with nothing better to do! Focus on your own marriage and stop worrying about mine just because I commented something harmless. Honestly it's quite sad

Sexist, ageist, old-fashioned and insecure. You sound like a real treat!

MasterBeth · 07/01/2023 11:30

5128gap · 06/01/2023 19:15

I'm perfectly serious. Obviously not all attractive people have affairs with their colleagues, I never suggested they did.
My point to the OP was that if they are likely to be attractive to each other its a situation to keep an eye on, in a way it wouldn't be if there was little or no possibility of attraction. Common sense, surely?
There are also many stages between finding someone attractive and having sex with them. In many affair situations its an escalation from colleagues to friends to emotional affair to affair, and it has to start somewhere.
Its not remotely unusual for men to develop crushes on their attractive female colleagues, with bosses being particularly popular.
They've chosen to go out to eat together on a night when most people prioritise family or friends, it may be and remain perfectly innocent, but none of the people assuring the OP of that can possibly have a clue either way.

Show quote history

Guess what? "Unattractive" people can have affairs too. Even with attractive people.

The question you should ask isn't "is this woman attractive?" but "do I trust my husband."

Over the course of our marriage, we both have had meals, drinks, overnight stays and even overseas beachside luxury trips with work colleagues - including attractive work colleagues - of the opposite sex. But we trust each other not to fuck them. It's really as simple as that.

TarasHarp55 · 07/01/2023 11:36

WandaWonder · 07/01/2023 11:09

Yeah those wives should be waiting with the home fires burning and their man's slippers and with something in the oven, let's not forget make-up on

Show quote history

Just imagine if you're the wife. You've got a nice evening planned, cosy night in with partner, candlelit dinner, film to watch.... and he phones and says he's going out with a work colleague. 😳

That's far more likely how it'd be than how you described, man's slippers ready etc. Who does that?

VioletaDelValle · 07/01/2023 11:50

Just imagine if you're the wife. You've got a nice evening planned, cosy night in with partner, candlelit dinner, film to watch.... and he phones and says he's going out with a work colleague. 😳

If that was your plan then I'm sure you would have told your husband and he would politely decline 🤷🏼‍♀️
There's no suggestion that the Op had specific plans with her partner that were subsequently cancelled.

Do you never go for an unplanned drink or a bit of food after work?

Schoolchoicesucks · 07/01/2023 11:53

TarasHarp55 · 07/01/2023 10:42

I also don't understand why they can't just go home to tea. You see enough of work colleagues throughout the day. Just because this woman might be at a loose end for a few hours she shouldn't be pestering others who've got wives to go home to.

Pestering others?

Is there any indication he didn't want to go for dinner? How is it pestering?

FGS I can hardly believe I live in the same world as some posters

girlmom21 · 07/01/2023 11:53

TarasHarp55 · 07/01/2023 10:42

I also don't understand why they can't just go home to tea. You see enough of work colleagues throughout the day. Just because this woman might be at a loose end for a few hours she shouldn't be pestering others who've got wives to go home to.

What a hussy pestering these poor defenceless men.

ConsumedByCake · 07/01/2023 12:22

My DH used to have a job that involved a lot of international travel. He was once sent on a 5-day assignment to a popular Caribbean holiday island with a female member of the legal team.
I had just returned from 4 days in South Africa with 2 male colleagues, all married with young families We all managed to restrain ourselves. I'm pretty sure that DH and his colleague did the same.

saraclara · 07/01/2023 12:41

TarasHarp55 · 07/01/2023 10:29

No I wouldn't be happy with it tbh. As far as I'm concerned work is work, once you've finished you go home. Affairs can start very easily from things like this. She knows he has you so she shouldn't be imposing herself and causing upsets.

Good grief. Is this the 1930s?

saraclara · 07/01/2023 12:42

TreadLight · 07/01/2023 10:45

Socialising/continuing work over a meal are normal in some roles and essential to getting on in the business. Reading threads like this make me wonder if the glass ceiling is caused by the patriarchy, or actually the matriarchy of jealous wives vicariously stopping other women.

Good point.

BIWI · 07/01/2023 12:47

The vilification of this woman - who is the OP's boss - is astonishing and deeply depressing. Not only because it's so outdated, sexist and misogynistic, but mainly Because it's by other women.

So far, we've had the insinuation that because she's single, she is a risk. The assumption that because she's on her own she hasn't got anything better to do with her time and that she is pestering the OP's partner.

FFS women. Just think about what you're saying here.

VioletaDelValle · 07/01/2023 12:54

I'm so surprised at how many people just don't realise how normal this is in many jobs.

Both me and DH are in roles where we work very closely with one other person. For both of us that person is the opposite sex. In order to get the best results we need to have a good relationship with our colleague and so much of that relationship is built up in the more informal or social situations as that's how you really get to know someone. We've managed this without having affairs.

In fact, I'm doing my current role because my boss knew we'd work well together. We'd travelled together and spent time in social situations so he knew we'd get on... which is really important.

My DH headhunted a woman from another organisation because they'd met at a conference and got on well.

DuplicateUserName · 07/01/2023 12:56

TarasHarp55 · 07/01/2023 10:42

I also don't understand why they can't just go home to tea. You see enough of work colleagues throughout the day. Just because this woman might be at a loose end for a few hours she shouldn't be pestering others who've got wives to go home to.

And there was me thinking your previous post made you sound ridiculous, and like you make sure to piss up your husband's leg before he leaves the house.

But 'pestering'? 😂

I guess when someone's as unreasonable and controlling as you clearly are, You have to make things up to try and justify yourself.

DuplicateUserName · 07/01/2023 12:59

VioletaDelValle · 07/01/2023 12:54

I'm so surprised at how many people just don't realise how normal this is in many jobs.

Both me and DH are in roles where we work very closely with one other person. For both of us that person is the opposite sex. In order to get the best results we need to have a good relationship with our colleague and so much of that relationship is built up in the more informal or social situations as that's how you really get to know someone. We've managed this without having affairs.

In fact, I'm doing my current role because my boss knew we'd work well together. We'd travelled together and spent time in social situations so he knew we'd get on... which is really important.

My DH headhunted a woman from another organisation because they'd met at a conference and got on well.

I'm so surprised at how many people just don't realise how normal this is in many jobs.

Of course they realise but they're so eaten up with their own jealousy and insecurity, they'll pretend it's strange and that there's an ulterior motive rather than take responsibility for their own problem.

Herejustforthisone · 07/01/2023 13:01

I'm so surprised at how many people just don't realise how normal this is in many jobs.

To go to Wetherspoons?

BIWI · 07/01/2023 13:03

Bloke going to Wetherspoons after work with a bloke FINE/NORMAL/HAPPENS ALL THE TIME
Bloke going to Wetherspoons after work with a woman NOT FINE/ABNORMAL/NEVER HAPPENS

jeaux90 · 07/01/2023 13:12

I'm a female boss to several men.

I can't believe I live in the same world as some of the posters on this thread.

JFC

LivingDeadGirlUK · 07/01/2023 13:14

I wonder what happens as women finally take an equal footing with men in managment and senior roles, are these wives who cant have their husbands socialising with female colleagues just going to accept their partners not having the same opportunities as colleagues who can, or will they be blaming the women?

VioletaDelValle · 07/01/2023 13:20

Herejustforthisone · 07/01/2023 13:01

I'm so surprised at how many people just don't realise how normal this is in many jobs.

To go to Wetherspoons?

Why not?
You go wherever is local.....I'm not sure the venue is really that relevant.

We don't know where they are. Maybe they work next to one 🤷🏼‍♀️

I work opposite a harvester and have been known to go there for a drink/food with a colleague.

DuplicateUserName · 07/01/2023 14:11

Herejustforthisone · 07/01/2023 13:01

I'm so surprised at how many people just don't realise how normal this is in many jobs.

To go to Wetherspoons?

You don't think it's normal to go to a pub for a drink and a bite to eat after work?

You lead an alarmingly sheltered existence if you don't realise that hundreds of thousands of colleagues do exactly this on a Friday evening.

monsteramunch · 07/01/2023 14:27

Herejustforthisone · 07/01/2023 13:01

I'm so surprised at how many people just don't realise how normal this is in many jobs.

To go to Wetherspoons?

If it's the pub close by work then yes. Easy place to pop into with a colleague.

If he went to a 'nicer' place with her people would be saying he shouldn't be going to date type spots with her. Can't win!

You can't get more casual and less romantic than a Wetherspoons really can you?