Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is it weird that my bf has gone for dinner with his boss?

211 replies

babypleasenow · 06/01/2023 17:54

So we've been together 5 years or so. His boss came to his work today at the end of the day and he's just text to say they've gone to get some food at a Wetherspoons after work. She's single and knows about our relationship but I don't feel immediately worried by it, but should I? I don't know how to feel!

OP posts:
5128gap · 06/01/2023 20:51

Trymein · 06/01/2023 20:33

If you had looked at what I previously said (“I could be on a yacht with a naked hunk with the best oysters and champagne and still not be tempted”), then you would have seen where I’m coming from.

Nothing about being weak willed, I’ve been in a horrible relationship where my partner was so jealous and controlling (albeit I didn’t see it at the time), that he would be so unreasonable and emotionally manipulating if I went out for work drinks or dinner it made me question myself and my work life. It started with him not wanting to me to go out with work colleagues. It descended into something a lot worse.

The ‘pushing the other way’ was supposed to be lighthearted. Nobody can be pushed obviously, unless there was sexual violence, which I definitely wasn’t suggesting.

if people want to cheat they will, there is nothing you can do, and it’s not about you as a person. Becoming a controlling, jealous person when your partner as never caused you any doubt is destructive to both of you and it’s happened to me and I still feel it to this day.

Show quote history

Your situation sounds awful and I agree totally controlling. But I don't think it would be fair to put the OP in that league.
I dont think it's controlling for her to be discomforted at the sudden announcement on a Friday evening her husband is going to dinner with his boss. Its obviously not something that's normal in the relationship or his work life, and we all know people cheat, and that it starts somewhere. She didn't tell him no, we have no suggestion she is habitually jealous, she's merely concerned by this.
I think there's a balance to be struck between being genuinely controlling and not allowing a man to make a fool of you hiding in plain sight with his 'friendships' because you're too worried about being called controlling to question anything he ever does.

TheresNothingIWantMore · 06/01/2023 21:30

Maybe she's just skint and if she takes someone from work she can put it on the company card!

DuplicateUserName · 06/01/2023 21:46

Redblanky · 06/01/2023 19:54

Yes, he didn't ask her to give him her Friday evening though. I agree your DH fancy lunch entirely normal, I'm not 100% that the OP's dinner in Wetherspoons is.

Show quote history

'Give him her Friday evening' 😂

It's a bit of food at Wetherspoons, not a 50 course Turkish Meze! 👀

Redblanky · 06/01/2023 21:54

DuplicateUserName · 06/01/2023 21:46

'Give him her Friday evening' 😂

It's a bit of food at Wetherspoons, not a 50 course Turkish Meze! 👀

Show quote history

So is he home yet?

Cheeseandhoney · 06/01/2023 22:22

PeachyMama · 06/01/2023 19:23

@Cheeseandhoney quite the opposite! I have 100% trust in him and he would never cheat on me. How can anyone be ok with their husband going out for dinner alone with another woman?? I just don't get it .

Then you don’t have trust. No way round it, she isn’t just another woman, she is his manager, and most of us without trust issues do not have issues having something to eat with our manager.

you’ve some real issues. Pretending you don’t doesn’t change it.

ILoveeCakes · 06/01/2023 22:24

Is he home? Or are they (wether)spooning?

SunshineLoving · 06/01/2023 22:25

I don't think it's weird. If my boss asked me to go for dinner, I'd go. It's just a work relationship thing.

If you trust him, I don't see an issue.

Mariposa26 · 06/01/2023 22:32

Is this serious? I can’t believe someone is saying you should “let it slide” as if it’s dodgy - she is his boss, I have been out for drinks, lunch or dinner with work colleagues or my boss absolutely loads of times! This is totally normal.

HitMeWithAHotNoteAndWatchMeBounce · 06/01/2023 22:40

PeachyMama · 06/01/2023 20:20

@BIWI why you getting so worked up by this? Touched a nerve? I've explained my reasoning in my other replies

What nerve could you possibly think you’ve touched…..?

The ‘I wish I didn’t fully trust my husband’ nerve…? The ‘I wish I over-thought things that don’t matter’ nerve? The ‘I wish I thought everyone secretly fancies my Nigel’ nerve? Confused

Herejustforthisone · 06/01/2023 22:43

my dad was having an affair with a woman from work shortly after my brother passed, because he said my mum wasn't giving him enough love. It effects my own relationship and skewed my view on men and what people are capable of

I’d say that was fairly understandable. Also I’d feel a bit weird about it too.

DuplicateUserName · 06/01/2023 22:45

Redblanky · 06/01/2023 21:54

So is he home yet?

Show quote history

Who am I, Uri Geller? 🤔

determinedtomakethiswork · 06/01/2023 22:52

It all depends what kind of job it is, doesn't it? A lot of people don't talk about work outside of work. Most people just want to go home at the weekend or out with their friends.

igor · 06/01/2023 22:58

Depends on his role maybe.

Working in marketing yes.

Working in Tesco, probably not a usual thing.

PleaseCleanTheWholeToilet · 06/01/2023 23:01

I think this would bother me
Have they gone alone? Was there other people at work today?

FizzyTango · 06/01/2023 23:05

Depends on the job/type of relationship.
I’d deffo go to the pub or for a meal with my boss, even 1on1. Honestly nothing dodgy about it. But there are situations i I imagine it might be slightly odd.

PeachyMama · 06/01/2023 23:10

@Cheeseandhoney getting psycho analysed by a randomer on mumsnet. Probably a Middle Aged Karen with nothing better to do! Focus on your own marriage and stop worrying about mine just because I commented something harmless. Honestly it's quite sad

saraclara · 06/01/2023 23:15

PleaseCleanTheWholeToilet · 06/01/2023 23:01

I think this would bother me
Have they gone alone? Was there other people at work today?

Why would it bother you?

thewinterwitch · 06/01/2023 23:16

OP: Just find it weird that she doesn't have anyone else to spend her Friday night with lol.

Says the same woman who wrote: Catty comments are unnecessary really.

Blinky21 · 06/01/2023 23:40

Not weird at all

UsingChangeofName · 07/01/2023 00:17

I think going from work , for a bite to eat at the local Wetherspoons is hardly "going out for dinner". they are worlds apart.

I wouldn't be concerned.
dh will occasionally message to say he is going for a drink after work. Yes, shockingly, that is sometimes with a woman Shock . I know ! Just imagine having female colleagues. Allowing women in the workplace and all that sort of thing.
<Clutches pearls>

Original poster
babypleasenow · 07/01/2023 02:39

Haha well I sincerely hope most of you are squeaky clean and have never ever once questioned or asked for advice on what others think on a situation throughout your entire relationship before, judging by the way you're coming for me. Some of you need to jump off your high horses and maybe get a new hobby.

OP posts:
WandaWonder · 07/01/2023 02:44

My husband has been out with different people from his work heaps with males or females why on earth is it a problem ? Same as me

Individually and part of a group no I have no issue

There is nothing worse than jealousy if that is what the issue is

ThinWomansBrain · 07/01/2023 03:19

in your DH place I'd be a bit hacked off at going to a Wetherspoon's, but don't see an issue other than that.

foremostwilly · 07/01/2023 04:11

If a co-worker wanted to seduce my partner, I hope she would take him somewhere a bit classy like.

BadLad · 07/01/2023 05:23

I don't feel immediately worried by it,

When AIBU have finished with you…

Is it weird that my bf has gone for dinner with his boss?
Swipe left for the next trending thread