Is it weird that my bf has gone for dinner with his boss?

[babypleasenow]

So we've been together 5 years or so. His boss came to his work today at the end of the day and he's just text to say they've gone to get some food at a Wetherspoons after work. She's single and knows about our relationship but I don't feel immediately worried by it, but should I? I don't know how to feel!

@YellowAndGreenToBeSeen true, but my husband doesn't have any female friends at his workplace that he sees outside the office

I wouldn't find that in the least bit amusing, but a think a casual dinner immediately after work with a visiting colleague is entirely normal.

I’m always out with my boss - one on one or in a group - fairly normal.

There are so many industries where dinner with a colleague or client is a required part of the work. Those of you who object does that mean women (or your men) should never work in those industries?

I hope she's paying for the room as well as the meal.

@saraclara if he had female friends at work it would be fine! But he doesn't, so personally for me if he said he was out for dinner with a woman I'd never heard of before I would think who is she?? Lol

I think wetherspoons is an entirely plausible place to meet AP actually. You can't be doing fancy restaurants every time and hide the spending from your wife and if you're smitten you'll meet anywhere just have the time together.

It's entirely normal to have dinner after work with a colleague. I don't think its very usual for a manager to arrange that kind of visit/dinner on a Friday night though. I'm not clear if manager has travelled for the meeting, if so it would be unusual to do it on a Friday. In any case, most managers would expect Friday to be inconvenient for staff. If it was business and on the company, would it be in Wetherspoons?

It's probably fine, there are definitely plenty of occasions when it is fine, but there are a couple of things a bit off here IMO.

How can anyone be ok with their husband going out for dinner alone with another woman?? I just don't get it .

Erm because it's normal!
My DH took a female colleague out to lunch to a fancy restaurant today. They've known each other professionally for years and he headhunted her to come and work for him. She started this week so he took her out for lunch.

Perfectly normal and above board.

Yes, he didn't ask her to give him her Friday evening though. I agree your DH fancy lunch entirely normal, I'm not 100% that the OP's dinner in Wetherspoons is.

I go for drinks with my boss... and food... and with my boss's boss's boss's boss heaven forbid

I have also had someone I line manage round for dinner.

Yabu unless there's a backstory

They've gone to weatherspoons straight from work and he let you know, none if this rings alarm bells for me. If they were headed somewhere fancier, if he came home to get changed, if it becomes regular, if he lies etc. I'm sure your bf intentions are innocent and even if his single boss has ideas, him going along doesn't mean he wants to do anything, he could just be trying to be polite / not piss his boss off and be feeling quite uncomfortable about the whole thing. Why don't you wait and see what he says when he gets home. It could be entirely innocent, he stays late to help, boss says 'Thanks for your help, I'm heading to the pub for dinner can I buy you dinner as a thank you' but rude to say no.

Yes, he didn't ask her to give him her Friday evening though. I agree your DH fancy lunch entirely normal, I'm not 100% that the OP's dinner in Wetherspoons is.

Why?

A couple hours on a Friday evening is hardly the entire weekend.

If someone is going to have an affair they'll have an affair. The timing of the meal is irrelevant.

@babypleasenow JFC this is so depressing.

It's like feminism never happened!

If, @PeachyMama, you trust your husband 100%, then what on earth is the issue with him going out for drinks/dinner with his female boss?

I managed a lot of men when I was working, which often involved lunch/drinks/dinner. It would never have occurred to me to wonder whether their wives were thinking I'd be shagging their partners senseless. Because those occasions were driven by work. Yes, we might not always have talked about work, but that's what drove the 'date'!

And also, I have some self-respect and a strong sense of integrity - which you seem to assume that the woman in question might not have.

Nah, I've done this all the time with many bosses of both sexes. If anything I'd be less threatened if she's single as she has more options!

Going by the wording and timing of the OP, they went to the pub at about 5:30. So it's hardly "dinner" and "giving up his evening"

I can't think of much less romantic than a 'spoons at 5:30. So this sound like a very functional continuation of a meeting and a refueling for the boss before she goes home.

And also, I have some self-respect and a strong sense of integrity - which you seem to assume that the woman in question might not have..

Exactly.
I value my professional reputation and have a sense of integrity. I'm also loyal to my husband.

@BIWI why you getting so worked up by this? Touched a nerve? I've explained my reasoning in my other replies

Because your post was ridiculous, tbh.

I just think it makes it less of a business arrangement. As I said, it's probably fine, but I find the timing, coupled with the cheap pub a bit unusual for a business dinner.

And it probably won't be a couple of hours, would be my guess, if she's in town with nothing else to do.

And it probably won't be a couple of hours, would be my guess, if she's in town with nothing else to do.

My guess he's probably home by now 😂😂

Ridiculous that I wouldn't be ok with my husband being out for dinner with a complete female stranger I've never even heard of? My my people on mumsnet like to get wound up by everything

Touched a nerve?

About what?!

If he was trying to impress her, he would have suggested somewhere other than shitty Spoons.

To be clear I've been out for dinner and lunch with male and female colleagues and bosses on numerous occasions, perfectly normal. Friday nights after work are far more social than they are work though IME and rarely end before closing.

Also social things you're paying for yourself happen in Wetherspoons. Business dinners happen somewhere else.

If you had looked at what I previously said (“I could be on a yacht with a naked hunk with the best oysters and champagne and still not be tempted”), then you would have seen where I’m coming from.

Nothing about being weak willed, I’ve been in a horrible relationship where my partner was so jealous and controlling (albeit I didn’t see it at the time), that he would be so unreasonable and emotionally manipulating if I went out for work drinks or dinner it made me question myself and my work life. It started with him not wanting to me to go out with work colleagues. It descended into something a lot worse.

The ‘pushing the other way’ was supposed to be lighthearted. Nobody can be pushed obviously, unless there was sexual violence, which I definitely wasn’t suggesting.

if people want to cheat they will, there is nothing you can do, and it’s not about you as a person. Becoming a controlling, jealous person when your partner as never caused you any doubt is destructive to both of you and it’s happened to me and I still feel it to this day.