Is it weird that my bf has gone for dinner with his boss?

[babypleasenow]

So we've been together 5 years or so. His boss came to his work today at the end of the day and he's just text to say they've gone to get some food at a Wetherspoons after work. She's single and knows about our relationship but I don't feel immediately worried by it, but should I? I don't know how to feel!

Why would you find that 'hilarious'? That sounds a little bit like trying too hard to be ok with it to me.

OP what industry does he work in, what level is he at and how many colleagues who'd have been in the office with him today work at the same level as him?

I think you're massively overreacting. Also, Wetherspoons is the venue ......

I find it very weird. Don't mix business with pleasure. I would be very unhappy if my DH decided to do this.

Do you honestly find it weird that somebody would go out with a colleague? You must know that colleagues often socialise, sometimes they become friends, there really is nothing weird about it.

@Aprilx What's unusual for one person may be the norm for others. I can only speak to my specific marriage. This would not be a normal thing in my marriage and if DH suddenly started going out for dinner with other women, whether that be from work or otherwise then yes I would find it odd and I would take issue with it, because it would be out of the ordinary for us.

However, if people have relationships where this is the norm and both are fine with it, then there is no issue. It's when one person does these things and the other half isn't happy with it and feelings get totally disregarded is where issues arise.

Every relationship is different.

I think there are some very controlling and insecure relationships.
It's tea at a Wetherspoons after work...really not a big deal. If DH raised it as an issue with me I'd tell him to get a grip...I sometimes meet up with my ex husband for food! Lol.

Yabu. Wouldn't worry me in the slightest.

What planet are people on that they are willing to let perfectly normal things "slide" "just this once" !!!!! A) It's dinner with a boss - a totally normal thing in many industries. B) Presumably he's a grown up not a toddler and therefore can make some of his own decisions?

I do wonder if the same people use the expressions 'my man' and 'caught him' like he is a fish

Walk past any bars and pubs in London or other big cities after 5 pm on a Friday and you'll find them rammed with people mixing business and pleasure!

Seems normal to me, when dp's boss visits he always goes out for dinner, sometimes I get invited too

@saraclara

I worked in London for 5 years through my early/mid 20's and I think i can count on one hand the weeks I DIDN'T go out for Friday night drinks! It's so normal (though so was the married men sniffing around the young women even when you told them to back off!) Also drinking at lunchtime (and after work on other days) bad lifestyle!!!

I find it very weird. Don't mix business with pleasure. I would be very unhappy if my DH decided to do this.

Sometimes getting away from the office environment is helpful. When I go out with my boss it's mainly to talk about work but we talk about others things too - in some sectors 'relationship building' is a key part of the job.

I wouldnt go out to a meal with my boss, who is female. Neither would my DH with his.
We go out with groups at work, not 1:1.
Neither of us has friends we go out with though, just ones we chat to in the office or on the phone.

What time did he get home OP?

It wouldn't be unusual for us.

A Wetherspoons is pretty unreasonable, though.

It wouldn't bother me at all.

The bigger question is, how much do you trust your DP?

@EBearhug

Agreed - there's never any excuse for Weatherspoons!

Weatherspoons is Maccie D’s with beer. Hardly a hot date venue.

No I wouldn't be happy with it tbh. As far as I'm concerned work is work, once you've finished you go home. Affairs can start very easily from things like this. She knows he has you so she shouldn't be imposing herself and causing upsets.

Sorry but I’d be thinking the same as you Op. it’s just not appropriate.

If my male, single boss invited me for a meal after work at the local Wetherspoons just me and him, whether I knew there was nothing in it or not, I’d be thinking ‘how would my partner feel about this? Is this appropriate for me to make that choice? Is it fair on the person at home?’ And I’d come to the conclusion that no, it isn’t appropriate and I’d decline that invitation.

if we were best friends, then it would be different and I’d expect my partner to understand. But I’m assuming this isn’t the case.

If I was single myself with nobody at home to think about, my main thought would be ‘is this crossing a professional boundary and is this social occasion going to influence my work/career life at all?’

Your partner can’t control what his boss asks of him, but he can control his own actions. He didn’t have to go to that meal, and as a partner I’d feel he was crossing a boundary here. I also feel his boss was crossing a professional boundary of her own.

I also don't understand why they can't just go home to tea. You see enough of work colleagues throughout the day. Just because this woman might be at a loose end for a few hours she shouldn't be pestering others who've got wives to go home to.

Socialising/continuing work over a meal are normal in some roles and essential to getting on in the business. Reading threads like this make me wonder if the glass ceiling is caused by the patriarchy, or actually the matriarchy of jealous wives vicariously stopping other women.