Is it weird that my bf has gone for dinner with his boss?

[babypleasenow]

So we've been together 5 years or so. His boss came to his work today at the end of the day and he's just text to say they've gone to get some food at a Wetherspoons after work. She's single and knows about our relationship but I don't feel immediately worried by it, but should I? I don't know how to feel!

Well yes, but being controlling and jealous without reason won’t stop them cheating either - it would probably push me the other way!

I'm in a male dominated sport, and one of only 2 women in our association (so 2 women with over 100 men).

I spend a couple of evenings a week with my legs wrapped round all sorts of men 😁 and them rolling around on top of me or me on top of them. I also kick them alot so it's fair game..

I also, shock horror, socialise with the men and my husband doesnt worry. But then he does another martial art, and spends his time rolling around with women (and other men). I couldnt imagine being so insecure as the OP and some posters on her regarding my relationship.

Plenty of reasons to talk about work away from the workplace. She might be sounding him out for a major promotion.

This would be 100% usual in my sector.

I think the OP needs to go and rescue him from this insatiable, single female man eater.

At this point he'll be fending her off with an upturned chair, throwing scraps of meat across the pub and wishing he'd popped a tranquiliser gun in his man bag.

You cannot be fucking serious 😂

I have several very attractive colleagues, male and female. I myself am not bad to look at if I do say so myself. I've been out for food with most of them at some point. Incredibly I've managed not to cheat on my husband. You do realise attractive people can exist within eachother's vicinity without immediately succumbing to biology and jumping on one another's respective genitals, right?

Nah, you don’t get a pass. You are old enough to know that if a woman is a manager it does not mean she wants to fuck her direct reports.

Big drip feed OP but sounds like your dad has given you some issues. Just talk to your boyfriend when he's home; ask him if you need to worry and explain why it triggered irrational thoughts a bets of luck.

I think it’s a bit weird! In our house both of us would have said we were off home to the other half and kids on a Friday night!

Being single and in an industry where this is entirely normal, I’d be horrified to think that the wives of my married up male colleagues would have an issue with it.

Equally if any of my exes had an issue with me going out with single male colleagues, I’d give him a stern talking to.

Alas, as you’ve recognised, your feelings are probably way more about you than it is him but trust is everything & this is hopefully one of those learning opportunities to practice it.

So would I probably.

But people doing things differently doesn't make it weird.

For goodness sake. Please don't do that, OP.

"Do I need to worry?" = Can I trust you? And he and she have given you absolutely no reason not to trust him.
I'd be furious if my partner asked me that after a work related 'spoons meal with the boss.

If you're so weak willed you could be 'pushed' into cheating then your partner would be perfectly correct not to trust you.

I agree, it could come across as rather emotionally manipulative.

Unfortunately the OP's problems can't be solved by other people changing their perfectly acceptable behaviour.

I genuinely don’t see why this would be an issue?

She’s not going to want to go for a meal with him if she’s going to fire him.

It could be to talk about work or it could be that they just happen to be good friends as well as co-workers.

Everyone at my work is in a relationship and will very often go out for a spur of the moment drinks, meal or the gym etc.
They will usually just text their partners to see if they need the car or not but some people don’t even bother telling their partners because they don’t have a set time to be back for.

Just because you are in a relationship doesn’t meant you can’t go out with your friends.

The only thing that would piss me off is if you have DCs and had planned something and now can’t do it because he’s gone out.

could have chosen a nicer place to eat imo

I'm perfectly serious. Obviously not all attractive people have affairs with their colleagues, I never suggested they did.
My point to the OP was that if they are likely to be attractive to each other its a situation to keep an eye on, in a way it wouldn't be if there was little or no possibility of attraction. Common sense, surely?
There are also many stages between finding someone attractive and having sex with them. In many affair situations its an escalation from colleagues to friends to emotional affair to affair, and it has to start somewhere.
Its not remotely unusual for men to develop crushes on their attractive female colleagues, with bosses being particularly popular.
They've chosen to go out to eat together on a night when most people prioritise family or friends, it may be and remain perfectly innocent, but none of the people assuring the OP of that can possibly have a clue either way.

I have been for meals with male colleagues hundreds of times, yes sometimes just two people. I have been on business trips and spent the evening in hotel bars with a male colleague many a time. All completely innocent from both sides.

Because trusting your partner doesn't mean they won't cheat. Presumably every single person who has ever been cheated on trusted their spouse, or they wouldn't have married them. Its touted on these threads as a magic shield, you need to TRUST him!!! Trusting or not has no impact on that person's behaviour.

So what then?
Do I tell my male boss that we can no longer meet away from the office because we're both attractive. Is that what you're saying?

It's going to makes our jobs really hard as we have to travel overseas regularly and when we're away we eat out, go sightseeing, have drinks......

What's the solution?

@Cheeseandhoney quite the opposite! I have 100% trust in him and he would never cheat on me. How can anyone be ok with their husband going out for dinner alone with another woman?? I just don't get it .

This was my first thought, something work related but that she wants to be able to have a good chat about away from other work people. But the casual meal type thing makes me thinks it's probably a good thing, and certainly not something very bad

Seriously, can you explain this to me?

What is it that's unacceptable about a married or partnered man and woman who work together having a drink or casual pub meal after work? If you trust your husband, why would it bother you?

I've been out for dinner with my male boss. I've also been out for a ride in the same male boss's sports car because he told me about it and I was pretending to be interested (I was just being polite) so he invited me to do so.

Nothing untoward there at all.

Not saying it's always the case but I wouldn't say this was an immediate cause for alarm.

I don't think so if it's a wetherspoons after work.... It's not a romantic spot!

@PeachyMama what if they were mates? Are married people not ‘allowed’ to go out for dinner with anyone of the opposite sex?!

DH has stayed at a female colleagues house for a weekend as they no longer work together and are good mates. I got a lot of drunken pictures, not once did I suspect his infidelity

op is being paranoid and unreasonable, but this one is a bit weird, tbh.