To expect ‘thank you’ notes?

[Silkrose]

On several occasions in the last year, we’ve sent gifts to the young children of family and friends. We haven’t once received a thank you note.

When I was growing up, my mum would stand over us making us write to distant relatives and close relations alike to thank them for any Christmas and birthday gifts they sent us. At the time, I wrote them begrudgingly (as did my siblings) but I understood the reason for doing it. It was the polite thing to do.

DD is too young to write thank you notes but I write them now on her behalf for Christmas and birthday presents, and will also text the sender to thank them. When she’s old enough, I’ll have her write or draw something to send.

I’ve noticed that this is pretty rare these days. Even my siblings don’t do this on behalf of themselves or their DC. One sibling didn’t even send thank you notes after their wedding(!)

AIBU to expect a thank you (note, text or acknowledgement of any kind!)?

Yanbu.manners cost nothing.

I make my children write thank you cards. Just a short 1 liner usually. My kids understand that it is the least they can do, to say thank you, for the thought & expense someone has gone to.

Personally, I am very happy with a note, or WhatsApp or email. I think complete silence after receiving a gift is extremely rude. I send gifts to my nieces & nephews & godchild and receive no acknowledgement at all. None. I have no idea if they ever reached them. It takes 2 seconds to send a message, either polite "thank you for xyz" or "Freddie loved it and has been busy playing with it etc".

Why don't people send messages? If you are a "non thanker" what's your reasoning?

Agree. With stationery at hand, surely writing even a dozen notes would take an hour at most.

Why is it always exaggerated as such a dreaded an onerous task? Are people these days really THAT lazy?

Then it’s not a gift, it’s a burden.

Agree. With stationery at hand, surely writing even a dozen notes would take an hour at most

Using half a tree for something that could now be done by text? Lucky that we don't all use paper in such a wasteful manner.

An awful lot of children do not like writing, and their parents will choose to reserve the fight of doing it to school homework and not thank you notes for gifts they may not have even liked.

Of course saying thank you for a gift is important. It is very rude not to.

Thank you notes are unnecessary providing you have thanked the gift giver by text, WhatsApp, by phone or in person on the day.

Hand written thank you notes (which I loathed as a child) used to be the absolute chore of birthdays or Christmas, which modern technology has now made much easier and more palatable.

My children always write thank you cards. Now they send an email or even a text.
If they were given the present in person and opened it there and then and thanked the giver at the time, don't think a note is needed.

My stationery is made of recycled paper.

What do you think your digital gadgets are made of? Might want to investigate which is more environmentally destructive, a smartphone or a postcard.

But you already have a phone don’t you Zelda? It isn’t ‘send a postcard or burn an iPhone’, it’s literally using something already in your possession versus going out and buying a postcard and stamps and then getting it transported to the recipient.

@Cuppasoupmonster , a postcard doesn't need electricity to recharge.
You could make a postcard out of Christmas card, so it would be re-use not recycling.

So you don’t possess a mobile phone? You send a postcard for each and every message you want to send (recycled, naturally)?

Unless you don't have any Christmas cards, because they also use trees.

Keep up; they’re obviously using Christmas cards made from foraged piece of dead bark and pine needles. I bet their relatives are thrilled to receive one every time they want to communicate, not having a phone and all.

I get my two to say thank you on my phone - record a short little video and send. Easier than a note, saves time and money of a stamp.

My kids always write thank you letters - it's just part of the birthday and Christmas deal. They're 8 and 10 and don't complain (despite complaining about seemingly everything else!) In my view it's important to get into the habit of saying a proper thank you for presents that people have gone to the trouble of choosing, buying, wrapping and sending. Five minutes writing a card and the cost of a stamp is nothing but is lovely for the present giver to receive. I've had messages from most of the recipients of thank you letters this year saying how lovely they were to receive. It's old school I know but seems so much more personal than a WhatsApp from mum's phone

I don't expect a written thank you, but a text, message or a phone call if I'm not seeing them anytime soon is appreciated.
If I was there when they opened it, then a thank you at the time is enough.
Thank you notes are pretty old fashioned now, and not how modern communication works.

My friend does this. Gets the DC to write cards, saying thanks for birthday gifts etc. We live close by so it's not as if thank yous didn't happen in person either. She's the only person I know who does this.

It's rare but we still do it. Not for people DS has seen and thanked personally but the ones who put £20 in a card for Christmas get a note.

One of DHs aunts said of the 16 great nieces/nephews that she sends £25 to each Christmas she only gets a thank you from my DS. I think it's rude and I judge the parents (silently) that don't think thank you are necessary.

I think expecting a note is a bit much, and shouldn’t expect anything in return for giving generally, but I would be a bit sad/wonder if they got it if they didn’t say thank you by phone/text/in person.
Buying cards, stamps, remembering to write one and getting it to the post box when you have young children is harder than you think!

@Cuppasoupmonster , I might have a mobile phone, but if whoever I'm trying to contact only has a landline it won't be of any use.
If they have a mobile phone, then the plus side is that I could easily attach a photo.
A text might be quick and easy, but the thank you note will take more thought and effort. I usually write a couple of pages, not a few words.

Depending on how many texts you get, they tend to just be yet another in a torrent of them, but a letter or card sent by post is a physical item and you can read it at leisure.

I might have a mobile phone, but if whoever I'm trying to contact only has a landline it won't be of any use

Call them?

YANBU.
If I'm not thanked, or the gift even acknowledged, then it's the last gift I send.
Harsh, maybe. But how long does it take for a text?

Agree completely, a fun phone message or video is lovely. Forcing a child to write a thank you note makes the gift a bit icky. Puts a bit of a downer on it which I’m sure most givers wouldn’t want to inflict.

I normally send a video message of the kids saying thank you!

Which I suppose is the modern equivalent. This year my mam has died suddenly so when my children still had their birthday party a week later my in laws let them open everything whilst I was getting changed so I had no bloody idea who everything was off so I just messaged and apologised but explained that the kids loved all their cards, presents and money and I really appreciated everyone attending the party.