To expect ‘thank you’ notes?

[Silkrose]

On several occasions in the last year, we’ve sent gifts to the young children of family and friends. We haven’t once received a thank you note.

When I was growing up, my mum would stand over us making us write to distant relatives and close relations alike to thank them for any Christmas and birthday gifts they sent us. At the time, I wrote them begrudgingly (as did my siblings) but I understood the reason for doing it. It was the polite thing to do.

DD is too young to write thank you notes but I write them now on her behalf for Christmas and birthday presents, and will also text the sender to thank them. When she’s old enough, I’ll have her write or draw something to send.

I’ve noticed that this is pretty rare these days. Even my siblings don’t do this on behalf of themselves or their DC. One sibling didn’t even send thank you notes after their wedding(!)

AIBU to expect a thank you (note, text or acknowledgement of any kind!)?

I used to make my children write thank you letters, and I still think people should acknowledge a gift. A text or a phone call is fine.

I hate sending stuff by post and not even having an acknowledgment that they have arrived.

My DC sent 5 between them this year, to older relatives who we're not really in touch with day-to-day and don't communicate via WhatsApp/ email. It probably took them an hour max and I know they'll be really appreciated.

So many people just can't be arsed to put themselves out on behalf of others, not even for the few minutes it would take to scribble a 'thank you' card or compose an email/text message; even worse, few admit they can't be arsed but instead come up with silly justifications for their selfishness and inertia. Depressing times we live in.

I didn't catch they didn't thank at all!

Yanbu to expect simple thank you when gifts are given or arrive

Exactly.

Having a packet of notecards & postage on hand is Basic Adulting. It takes five minutes to send someone a note acknowledging their kindness.

Outdated, unnecessary, very Downton Abbey. I would expect a text though unless I gave them to the children personally and they say thank you at the time.

My DC write little thank you cards. They quite often make the card too as they love making them. Don’t know anyone else IRL that does this though.

Yes...my mum if someone can be bothered to go into a shop, choose a present for you, wrap.it up, and post it .you can be bothered to write and thank them ...

My male cousins never did thank yous growing up....they awful adults...

This right here
Plus also it's not even 12th night yet

We send thank you photos/videos of the kids opening the gift via text- and now that they can talk, we get them to say "Thank you for the xx auntie xx" etc. Honestly I think that should be enough.

Yes! My 15 month old is currently colouring in her Christmas thank you cards and I am already feeling bad that it's been to long! Very rude not to send them in my opinion but I really do think it's dying out sadly.

I say thank you or send a text.

Never done thank you note and have almost never received one. So not a thing in my circles.

An actual note would be a yabu, however expecting a simple text isn't.

Thank u cards seem a bit outdated to some here but as mum to 12yr old twins, we still send cards after Xmas/birthday. I write cards if I've been for dinner at their homes. As godmother to 3 goddaughters, not a single card ever received after cheques/birthday jewellery/cash given, I know how that makes me feel

At 95p a stamp I wouldn't be sending them, we ring people to say thank you or message them!

I agree with this.

A heartfelt genuine thanks via text is, to me, far better than a card that's clearly been forced.

However, I would judge a lack of thanks by any means.

It doesn’t have to be a note, email, phone call or text is fine, but not acknowledging a gift is extremely rude.

I think the thing with notes is that it feels like people have taken the time and effort to write them in recognition of the fact that you've taken the time and effort to buy, wrap and deliver a gift. It's like it's adequate acknowledgement.

It takes one second to send a text. Blanket texts or WhatsApps or everyone are lazy to be honest. If you don't want to thank a class of 30 for the gifts they have brought then don't invite 30 kids to the party.

Also, it's not just about the gift. I think parents sometimes forget that often parties are at least a half-day affair by the time you've got the kids sorted, found them something to wear, got a gift, taken them to said party and dealt with the sugar come down afterwards. I can think of a million other things I'd rather do on a weekend!!

So, in a nutshell, YANBU. Anyone who doesn't say thank you is rude and 'busy' is a piss poor excuse. We're all busy.

Until the kids are old enough I would appreciate either a verbal thank you or thank you text (if the kids wrote thank you notes, a drawing, I would think that is lovely but would not expect it). Once the kids have their own phones I do expect a thank you text if not thanked verbally in person. I just think that’s good manners.

I do still (mostly) write them, but it’s optional now in a way it didn’t used to be - but saying thank you by voice or in writing isn’t optional and if they don’t do that you should stop giving to them if it bothers you. Text messages only Ok for little gifts.

A text or in person thank you is more than adequate, for parties all the parents tend to put a thanks for all the presents group message, which I'm happy with.
When given a thank you note, I never really know what to do with it, recycling straight away seems mean, keeping it and it sits around for ages, they're pointless these days.
And as for older generation wanting a thank you note, my mil is 75 and prefers a message or phone call, as does my own dm, who is a similar age , obviously they're just an example, and don't speak for all older people, but not all older people want a thank you card cluttering up the place.

I’m forever being told it’s a dying art but we send (and receive them) from anyone we don’t thank (after the present is opened) in person. DSs did about five each that we posted last week.

And yes, for the whole class YR party I did write 35 thank yous which DS signed as he could only manage his name at that point. I was genuinely a bit shocked by the parties where there was no acknowledgment at all. (And no, I work FT and this is not magic!).

No need for a card but no txt at all is disappointing. Posted several gifts to family and no acknowledgement at all

Yes, my daughter writes them. It’s basic manners.