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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DS told us he knows what sex is

344 replies

BooseysMom · 05/01/2023 02:58

I never imagined this scenario. Please tell me if I'm being unreasonable. But also please be gentle. I was a child of the 70s and my mum & dad sat me down one day and told me the ins and outs of sex when I was about 13. It was a very uncomfortable experience tbh. But it seems that the job of telling DS (9) has already been done for us by no other than our neighbour's kid who's 10. Now please tell me if you think this is bad and should I go round and see his parents? Or would you just leave it? DH has told him about the birds and bees which is as far as the school have got. But i can't stop thinking that our DS's innocence has now gone completely thanks to the kid next door, who incidentally is a bit if a twat!
WWYD?

OP posts:
CaroleFuckingBaskin · 05/01/2023 03:02

Kids will talk. You can't stop them. The other child's parent may well have told their child.
No point going to speak with them.

Sukisal · 05/01/2023 03:02

When you say the birds and the bees, do you mean your DH discussed intercourse and penetrative sex? I’m really hoping he didn’t actually discuss “birds” and “bees” with a coy story, and did in fact use correct terminology.

to be honest, I think that 13 is way too late and that if you hadn’t already told your DS at 9 what sex was, then you were always running the risk some other kid would tell him before you.

Bagsundermyeyestoday · 05/01/2023 03:05

I'm actually shocked he didn't find out much earlier, someone at school told me when I was about 7

hmmmintereting · 05/01/2023 03:08

In this UK this is taught in schools by age 9/10. What country are you in?

Inthetropics · 05/01/2023 03:08

13 is too late! I found out about sex when I was around 7 or 8 because my best friend's sister (10yo) explained in to us in great detail! 😁

Homedeco · 05/01/2023 03:08

Honestly I think school pupils talk much more about sex than their parents assume. I am early 20s and sex/dating/attraction etc was a mainstream conversation topic by year 7/8.

Hattie72 · 05/01/2023 03:10

What do you mean birds and bees? What exactly did the neighbour kid say? Something inappropriate or just the truth? I told my DS how babies are made he asked) when he was 3. In an age appropriate way obviously. You don’t lose your innocence just because you know about sex.

LondonQueen · 05/01/2023 03:10

Any 9 he will have learnt about the basics in school. I very much doubt the neighbour told him anything different to what he already knew. I'm a teacher.

NRCOA · 05/01/2023 03:10

It's upsetting finding out that your child knows a little more than you'd hoped, isn't it, OP? I hear ya.

I do think, however, as a PP has said, kids will talk. I also think it's very healthy - and SAFER - to talk this stuff through with your kids from a younger age, especially now, with all this technology.

Liorae · 05/01/2023 03:11

Time to take control and have a few discussions with your DC to ensure that the information he has is correct. Ignorance does not equal innocence.

Cileymyrus · 05/01/2023 03:12

Isn’t “birds and bees” just a euphemism for telling kids about sex?

what exactly has your dh said, and what didn’t he tell him that the neighbours kid did?

at least you know now and can correct anything the neighbour may have misunderstood 😂

Homedeco · 05/01/2023 03:12

Also there’s always going to be that 1 person that sets off a domino effect which trickles down to others. For example, one of my friends was friends with an older girl at our school who was having sex, and told my friend stories. My friend then told the rest of our friendship group the stories so we were well aware of sex.

CookieMoolier · 05/01/2023 03:15

I'm child of the 70s too and found out off a boy in the street when I was 5. I told my children from about that age in steps and using clear language. Didn't go into it all at once , but I think gave more information as they got older. I like to think my children , now grown up have felt able to ask me anything they are unsure of.
The teenage years is to late! Find out what the lad said to your boy and how the discussion came about. I wouldn't go the parents' house .

Liorae · 05/01/2023 03:21

Now please tell me if you think this is bad and should I go round and see his parents?
What would you hope to achieve by that?

HappyAxolotl · 05/01/2023 03:23

9 or 10 used to be quite average age for all the gossiping in the playground about what sex actually involved. One kid would be told by an older sibling, one kid would have already had "the talk" from parents...

mathanxiety · 05/01/2023 03:30

Why do you place so much value on innocence around sex? I'm not talking about sexual experience here, but knowledge.

Do you think he's been corrupted in some way and if so what does that say about your feelings about sex?

Original poster
BooseysMom · 05/01/2023 03:31

Wow! I can't believe how many people are up and awake! Thanks for all your replies.

To try and answer some of them.. it was a very different world when I was 13. I was an only child so didn't have an older sibling to spoil things like believing in Santa for eg. It's just that it wasn't something we discussed freely back then and was a taboo subject in our family (i won't go into why). I guess it's good he knows now but 9 just seems too young, and it wasn't something we wanted the neighbour's kid to tell him about. I just don't like him and maybe that's why I wanted to go and see the parents. He's always around the house like he lives there.

Oh and DH ..I don't know exactly what wording he used but think he followed what the school have covered and that is most definitely not penetrative sex, but pollination in plants! That's why this revelation by the kid next door seems wrong!

OP posts:
Whattheladybird · 05/01/2023 03:32

V gently, I’m a firm believer that I want my children to be armed with what comes in life, and clear they can talk to me about anything. I know eight year olds who have started periods. If you came and talked to me about what my 10 year old was saying to your 9 year old I’d be both a little shocked that you hadn’t talked about any of this stuff with your son yet, and surprised that you didn’t think this was being talked about - both officially, and unofficially - at school. In fact, talking to a friend recently whose 10 year asked her why she hadn’t explained about periods and sex following the sex ed lessons at school, that’s exactly what I did (gently).

NumberTheory · 05/01/2023 03:34

What has the neighbour’s DC told your’s exactly? I don’t see what’s “innocent” about not knowing the basics of reproduction and you’d look like a fool if you went round to complain about that. But if he’s showing your DC porn or something talking to the parents and maybe the school would be called for.

ilovesooty · 05/01/2023 03:35

Pollination in plants?

Original poster
BooseysMom · 05/01/2023 03:35

Thank you 😊

OP posts:
NewBootsAndRanty · 05/01/2023 03:36

Be pleased he's comfortable discussing his knowledge with you.
I agree with pp that he really should have been taught more than plant pollination by now.

Original poster
BooseysMom · 05/01/2023 03:37

ilovesooty · 05/01/2023 03:35

Pollination in plants?

Yes, that's as far as the school have gone. It's a very church centered school however.

OP posts:
dolor · 05/01/2023 03:38

Kids know about things much earlier now. I'd expect them to have been given some sex education at that point.

Original poster
BooseysMom · 05/01/2023 03:39

NRCOA · Today 03:10

It's upsetting finding out that your child knows a little more than you'd hoped, isn't it, OP? I hear ya.

I do think, however, as a PP has said, kids will talk. I also think it's very healthy - and SAFER - to talk this stuff through with your kids from a younger age, especially now, with all this technology.

Thanks for this 😊

OP posts: