DS told us he knows what sex is

[BooseysMom]

I never imagined this scenario. Please tell me if I'm being unreasonable. But also please be gentle. I was a child of the 70s and my mum & dad sat me down one day and told me the ins and outs of sex when I was about 13. It was a very uncomfortable experience tbh. But it seems that the job of telling DS (9) has already been done for us by no other than our neighbour's kid who's 10. Now please tell me if you think this is bad and should I go round and see his parents? Or would you just leave it? DH has told him about the birds and bees which is as far as the school have got. But i can't stop thinking that our DS's innocence has now gone completely thanks to the kid next door, who incidentally is a bit if a twat!
WWYD?

In the Netherlands children begin sex education from age 4. Teenage pregnancy rates are lower than the US and teenagers start having sex at a slightly later age than their US counterparts.

www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2018/08/the-benefits-of-starting-sex-ed-at-age-4/568225/

He’s really not too young to know about puberty. Some girls have periods as young as 9. Nothing wrong with getting him a book on development and explaining his body will change as he grows. You don’t need to go into huge amounts of detail re sex but you’re going to have to speak to him now and tell him the truth about sex so his knowledge isn’t just from the kid next door. Kids talk, and I’m sure no-one told him not to tell anyone. Sex isn’t a dirty secret, don’t make it into one. Just tell him that’s it’s what adult do, to make babies but also because it feels nice. I don’t know why so many parents are embarrassed about discussing sex with their kids. Most of us enjoy sex, that might come as a surprise to some young adults when it’s been such a taboo subject.

I was pregnant at 16, my parents never ever discussed sex with me. My mum knew I had a bf and never said do you want to go on the pill, or bought me condoms. They were obviously embarrassed about it and decided the school had told me all I need to know. If my mum had taken me to the GP to discuss the pill I wouldn’t have been a mother at 16 (no regrets I love my son so much). Instead she had to take me to the GP with a face like thunder to tell him I was pregnant. I know what I’d rather

He doesn’t know about puberty yet? I was 10 when I found out about sex, but I started my period so I needed to know about sex and puberty (my mum had to quickly tell me when I was scared of the blood). I wish my school had taught us earlier than this about puberty. I’m in my mid 20s now and my parents were born in the 70s (so similar age to you).

OP the first stages of puberty in boys commences from 9 onwards. Your son should be informed about puberty. You have a very skewed view in this and you’re doing your son a disservice. Your own upbringing has left you with very unhealthy ideas. I mean this kindly but if you raise this with the parents you’ll look like a bit of a nutter.

When I was about 7 I learnt about sex and reproductive from a book I found belonging to my older siblings. I then proceeded to repeat everything I'd found out to the neighbour boy (a year younger than me) - while sitting in a car with his parents and teenage siblings. So I was the equivalent of your neighbour's boy! Luckily my friend's parents let me get on with it, and I later learned found it highly amusing. Probably saved them an awkward job too.

Sounds like this is more to do with your dislike of the neighbour's boy than anything else. Maybe consider other ways to put in boundaries around the time the two spend together if that's the issue?

I know they're our babies OP and that we want to keep them 'little' for as long as possible! I get that! But a 9 year old and a 10 year old gossiping about sex is not inappropriate. Your neighbours son has done nothing wrong.

At 9 years old your child needs to know about puberty at the very least. Do you want him to be speaking to his friends about it (which he will regardless of what you say) and learn or share incorrect information? Surely you want him to go through the next stage of his development fully armed? He will have questions and he will need time to process it and ask any questions that arise which can take time. Don't make him feel that puberty and sex are 'inappropriate' things because that's just not true or fair on him.

At 9 I had bought my currently 11 year old son a Growing up for boys book, we went through it all, page by page, he asked questions and he giggled. We went through the section of girls' puberty. We did the lot. In the last two years he has asked so many questions and I have answered them 100% honestly but it has given him chance to absorb the information so puberty and sex doesn't come at him as a surprise.

Yes, he's a kid but you're trying to raise a well rounded man who understands facts and feelings. His older self deserves that.

I think 9 is very late to be honest - and leaves them open to being told by others. Both mine have had a rough idea of what sex is and how humans reproduce from about the age of 5 based on them asking questions.

Whilst I wouldn’t be upset about conversations over sex I’d be concerned about other things related on my own personal experience. For example are the kids ever alone together without parental supervision? Any chance the other child might have access to porn? I had experiences in my youth of other children touching me inappropriately and showing me porn so I would want to make sure there wasn’t overstepping of boundaries surrounding this discussion of sex.

You’re making a mountain out of a molehill here OP. My son learned at school from a very street wise kid (with a famous dad), including that sex was recreational as well as procreational. It’s just one of those things.

@BooseysMom - whatever you do, please don't complain to this boy's mum!

Go to your local children's library. They'll have age-appropriate books about sex that will help you and your husband talk to your son. It is high time that you do!

If any of this taradiddle is real the kid will have made someone pregnant before the OP tells him how to avoid doing so.

Pollination …

What is the kid actually saying?
Your dislike of this kid is palpable and I really don't think speaking to the parents is required

I grew up on a farm, so I saw plenty of sex, and I also had some fairly detailed nature books and encyclopaedias for children which did not hold back about mating and reproduction. I don't feel like my "innocence" was snatched away from me nor my childhood somehow lesser because I knew how biology worked. It wasn't a scandalous thing, and it shouldn't be today.

Studies show that puberty starts younger now. There are some mums at school with similar views to you who still haven’t talked to their children- boys and girls - about periods! Girls are generally more likely to start their periods earlier now. This needs to be discussed. Poor girls who suddenly find themselves in positions where they don’t know what’s going on with their bodies.

I get that the conversations can be uncomfortable but have you had any thought about how you and your DH would approach it? There are some fantastic books available which would help you as well as your DS. Openness now will do wonders for your relationship going forward and during the tricky teenage years.

I definitely knew about sex when I was 7. My mother was a nurse and openly talked about anything we've asked. I'm also a child of the 70s. If you came over to me complaining, I'd be baffled.

Has he really never asked you before where babies come from? I told my 6 year old DS about sex in stages from when he was 4 or so, with increasing levels of information as he asked more questions. Perfectly normal and natural. another parent at school came to talk to me about it all concerned I’d think they were batshit.

@BooseysMom i was 9 when I got my period. My dd is 10 this year so I got her a few supplies for her school bag just incase she gets them. She knew a little already but we had a full scale conversation the other evening where she asked and I told her everything in a nice informative way. It’s a normal age to have to know this stuff.

Not a dinosaur but very naive. He's 9. I've had plenty of 10 year old girls start their periods so puberty is definitely happening earlier than you think.

There's nothing dirty about sex and children should be given the information in an age appropriate way. Has he really never asked where babies come from?

It's not crap and yes, older kids should keep 'Santa crap' to themselves too.

Just because you think it should be done differently doesn't mean you're right. There's no need to go round stepping on other people's toes when it benefits no one.

No, I wouldn't. Kids are kids, their parents may have told them to keep it to themselves but the child didn't.

At the end of the day, you can't force your kids to keep it to themselves and hope they do.

By attempting to replicate this school's approach (pollination !!) you've already exposed your son to potentially inaccurate information from his 10 year old pal.
I'd be having a chat with my son to clear up any questions and making sure he has the correct facts, then talk to him and introduce him to the concept of puberty which is not in the dim and distant future for him.
Your neighbour has done her job, and if you think you can police the conversations between 9 and 10 year old boys, you're in for a world of pain.

Around age 10 is quite a normal age to learn about intercourse.

I learned at 10 because i read it in a children's encyclopaedia.

No, I was very clear to my daughter that each parent needs to decide when they think th erir child is ready for different bits of information.

I believe that to be true.

I don't want my daughter thinking it's a normal, everyday conversation to be had at school around kids as young as 4, it's no and the conversation/language should be kept age appropriate.

OP I am very confused. I am 62 so a child of the 60s.

I recall formal sex education in school, aged about 9/10 in 1969! There was a film about eggs and sperms and how the sperm met the egg, etc.

My DC are now mid to late 20s and had an up to date version and a lot more relating to consent and much more about puberty and bodily changes than I had. They went to a church of England primary and at 9 DS transferred to a private school with a Christian ethos. They knew about puberty and sex anyway because they had both asked aged from about 3 where babies came from. They were told the truth in an age appropriate way.

My children were always able to ask me and DH questions just as DH and I were able to ask our parents questions.

My mother's view (b1936) was that it was the innocents who got into trouble or who were used by men.

Knowledge is power op. Preferably gained in a safe, open, honest and loving family environment. Children can retain their innocence whilst still knowing the facts of life and are probably less likely to engage in sex the more they know, the more lived and secure they feel and to make the right choices about sex and consent if there are open, two way channels of communication at home.

PS we are practicing Christians.

It doesn't matter so much that he knows, than what he knows.

It's good he feels confident to tell you, a great starting point.

It's time for you to ask him what he's been told and take it from there, making sure you put the important adult side across including the need for contraception. I suspect his mate just included the exciting stuff!.....and hopefully not too exciting!