DS told us he knows what sex is

[BooseysMom]

I never imagined this scenario. Please tell me if I'm being unreasonable. But also please be gentle. I was a child of the 70s and my mum & dad sat me down one day and told me the ins and outs of sex when I was about 13. It was a very uncomfortable experience tbh. But it seems that the job of telling DS (9) has already been done for us by no other than our neighbour's kid who's 10. Now please tell me if you think this is bad and should I go round and see his parents? Or would you just leave it? DH has told him about the birds and bees which is as far as the school have got. But i can't stop thinking that our DS's innocence has now gone completely thanks to the kid next door, who incidentally is a bit if a twat!
WWYD?

You know your nine year old is old enough to visit the public library (if it still exists) and find out all he likes from the children's reference section?

It's not secret knowledge, and it's not prohibited from children.

Respectfully, how can you possibly resent a child for this? This is a natural curiosity. Certainly nothing he should be scolded for.
A gentle conversation with your own child correcting any misinformation is all that's warranted. You're not a dinosaur... you've just been pushed into a conversation you weren't ready to have.

My best friend in childhood was a couple of years older than me. She told me about periods before my Mum had, but I don't think I let on to her that I already knew when we had the talk. I started my period when I was about 10, so I don't think 9 is necessarily too young to discuss things like this with children as even if it isn't happening to them, it may be happening to their friends, male or female (I stopped having swimming lessons when my period started because I used to go with a friend who was a boy, wasn't using tampons and was too embarrassed to explain why I'd miss lessons every now and then), and I think the more open we are about all of it the better. Sex and puberty needn't be grubby secret. My parents were very traditional, my Mum had me quite late in life and I'd say most of my info about sex etc came from magazines like just 17 etc. I think it's much better if you can be open about it so that children feel they can come to you with any questions or concerns rather than go looking for information from randoms on the internet or the next door neighbour's kid - god knows what they'll end up thinking.

OP how do you envisage that conversation going?

OP: your kid told mine about sex, I don't want him to know about sex

Other Mother: ....

What do you expect her to do? Sounds like you just hate her kid and want to take a pop at him

Don't do it you'll sound bonkers.

Talking to his mum won't stop him talking to your son and it won't achieve anything now. By 9 your son should definitely know about puberty.

What do you hope to achieve by talking to his parents?

This. Some of the girls will have started their periods for goodness sake. Withholding information is why my DD had to give her period kit to a poor girl at school whose parents neglected to tell her anything. Very scared young person right there. Thinking she was ill.

Pollination in plants? I'd move schools.

What are you going to say to the parents exactly?

I'm a child of the 70s and my mum told me about puberty, periods and sex, although she didn't go into much detail about sex, when I was 8 in order to prepare me. I remember a classmate at school telling us the mechanics of sex and not believing them!

You really need to check if what his friend has told your son is accurate and in what context the topic came up. Was the kid just sharing his knowledge or does he know things which aren't age appropriate and could be cause for concern?

This is a you problem OP. You're hiding your fear of open transparent discussion of sex behind stressing about the neighbour's kid.

For God's sake tell your little boy what his body is, what it can do, and how amazing it is. 11 year old boys have fathered children before now. Teach him about consent, desire, biology, in age appropriate ways (which is not pollination ffs!) Reproduction is miraculous, detailed, astonishing. Don't you want to be the one to guide him, with love?

The neighbour's child has done your job. Get over yourself and get on with it right now. And buy him a book about periods, erections, puberty, all that stuff, to dip into as he chooses over the next couple of years. There's nothing embarrassing but your own squeamishness here.

Your job is to give your ds the tools he needs to deal with life.
You can't go jumping in everytime another dc communicates in a way you don't agree with.
Far better to enable your ds to learn how to deal with information or influences that may be different to yours.

Maybe this is a good wake up call OP. 9 is actually quite old (disturbing as it is) to learn about sex and puberty. I can't believe you only learned about this when you were 13, I lived a sheltered life and I'm sure I knew some of it about aged 6. I think take this as a learning to help educate your son in all sorts of matters to help prepare him for the big, bad world

@BooseysMom

Has the child talked about pornography to your son?
Rape?
Incest?

Or was it how babies are made?

If it's the latter, please calm down.
You should have told your son about human puberty and why it happens yourself by age 9. There are books that explain it all in simple terms.

'Guy Stuff, the Body Book for Boys' is published by American Girl Press, and your son should also read their title for girls 'The Care and Keeping of You' so that he won't end up one of those men who think women pee out their vaginas.

You're being ridiculous. It's actually inappropriate for you to be so naive to think your son wouldn't find out about sex until he was 10 or older ffs! Maybe you should move to a commune because your son is going to be exposed to alot worse whether you like it or not, and your attitude will not help him at all

You do understand don't you that the school's curriculum is determined by the government and the school leadership but that you, as your child's parents, can teach your child anything you want them to know about whenever you want to do it?

Your thread just reads a little bit like you think the school is the authority on this and your child should only know what the school has taught.

Oh my. OP, the phrase “the birds and the bees” is a euphemism for describing the need for parents to explain human reproduction to their children. It doesn’t mean that you literally tell them how bees pollinate plants.

Your son hasn’t lost anything by learning biological facts. If you are embarrassed to talk to him plainly, then get a library book for this age group like “It’s So Amazing”.

Early conversations about sex send the message that sex and sexuality are healthy parts of life. It’s important for children to feel OK about coming to you for reliable, honest information. Explain things at a level children can understand and make sure they have the facts.

I'm a firm supporter of teaching children from the start correct names for body parts. Not only does this helps to send the message that talking about these parts of our bodies is healthy and OK, but it's also important in setting your child up to protect themselves.

This then feeds into talking about and teaching consent and boundaries (2 to 5). 6 to 8 becomes the range to begin more detailed talks around what sex is, including puberty (how bodies change as we grow), and sexual abuse (no one can touch them without their permission).

By 11, you want to start having conversations about sexual choices and safer sex, normalise safe sex. Talk about the risks and also protections. You should also be discussing digital rules and values, not just around porn but also sending or posting explicit photos. The world has changed, some kids are sexually active from a young age, be prepared.

If sex and sexuality is normalised in your family, the teen years should be much easier with teen willing to open up to you. However, it's important to keep the messaging clear. It's more detailed now, particularly on topics such as assault/date rape/unwanted pregnancy/STIs.

At the end of the day, sex/sexuality is simple biology and part of life. By being embarrassed or "protecting" kids from knowing the truth, not only are you holding them back but also putting them at risk of making unsafe choices or even assault/abuse. Sex isn't a once off talk, but rather an ongoing discussion tweaked to your kid's development as they age. But there are certain ages which you should be hitting for education.

Jeez, I’m shocked you haven’t had a frank discussion with your son yourself yet.

Do your child a favour, and sit down and discuss his body, potential changes that could happen to it VERY soon and basics of periods etc.

Forget about the neighbour and do your job!

It's sex. The facts of life. Not a dirty secret. Kids should know how babies are made and nine is not too young at all.

Also a 'child of the 70s' here.

You mean that your parents decided to withdraw you from sex education when you were at primary? They must have done, as it was taught at age 10/11 and the only way to avoid it or talk about it would have been to remove you from school for that week.

And does that mean that you would have withdrawn him when the subject comes up in the National Curriculum complete with sadface local rag photo of you complaining about them 'sexualising children' ?

Sounds like the kid next door has done your son a favour if that were the case.

I was born in the 70’s and by the time our school told us I was already having sex, as were some of my friends. I’ve always normalised sex with my kids. Didn’t over do it, who wants to discuss sex with their mum at 10, but now they are at an age they could be doing it (14 & 18) I’ve just reiterated to the 18yr old when he told me he had a girlfriend. I mean he didn’t need me to tell him how to do it, but I reiterated the need for contraception but most importantly for consent. She’s come to stay for a few days and he was pleasantly surprised that I said they could share the spare double bed! I wouldn’t go round there complaining, but just sit him down and ask him what he heard, then fill him
in on any inaccuracies. You can look up the curriculum about what they learn when but 10 is around the time they learn about sex if not before now

I think you are incredibly naive if you think children don’t talk about this stuff. If you speak to the boy’s mother, your son will probably find out and your son will learn that it is best not to speak to you about this kind of thing ever again.

You are really going to look quite silly. Your son really should understand the basics of human reproduction by now.

My dd was about 9 when she knew about this. It is a perfectly normal age to learn the basic of biology. You don’t need to discuss arousal, just the basic facts about the man’s penis goes into the woman’s vagina and how the sperm meet the egg, which can fuse together to eventually make a baby.

Discussing this with the boy’s parents isn’t the way forward. Discussing it with your child is.

Quite concerned you haven't spoke to him fully about sex at 9. What if he had been a DD? Do you have a DD? Both me and my sister(who is 20 years younger than me so not that much older than your DS) started our periods at 10. How on earth would you explain that without sex?