DS told us he knows what sex is

[BooseysMom]

I never imagined this scenario. Please tell me if I'm being unreasonable. But also please be gentle. I was a child of the 70s and my mum & dad sat me down one day and told me the ins and outs of sex when I was about 13. It was a very uncomfortable experience tbh. But it seems that the job of telling DS (9) has already been done for us by no other than our neighbour's kid who's 10. Now please tell me if you think this is bad and should I go round and see his parents? Or would you just leave it? DH has told him about the birds and bees which is as far as the school have got. But i can't stop thinking that our DS's innocence has now gone completely thanks to the kid next door, who incidentally is a bit if a twat!
WWYD?

I'm a 'child of the 60s' OP...and I definitely knew about sex when I was 9! It's nothing to do with your age...it's how you are perceiving things and your own upbringing (which honestly sounds repressed!)

Please don't inflict this rather odd ideology onto your own children! And ffs use proper terminology!

DS knew how babies were made at 6. He went and told the class for 'news', luckily the teacher had a quick word halfway though and he seamlessly left out the actual sex part.

A key difference for your view is that you have a DS rather than a 9 year old DD - you may feel slightly different if a DD as other information would have been more likely to gradually come up before now (my DDs are much younger but ask about babies, breasts, have some awareness of periods etc) - a 9 year old DD could start their periods any time from now so would very much need more education than pollinating plants at this age. I went to a very religious primary school and we had covered periods etc by year 5 but without the boys in class but then we told them all in the playground after.

My 9yo has known since he was 4. I got How My Body Works when he started asking as I had that as a child in the 80’s.
I rather assumed all children know by year 4.

9 year olds know a lot more than plant pollination and share lots of mis-information. Puberty is definitely on the way for a few of the more developed kids. If your DS has brought this up with you I’d take the opportunity to give him accurate information. You don’t need to go into pornographic detail but the basics of bodies changing and developing and where babies come from is important.

I started puberty at 8, I was having periods by the age of 9, I'm lucky someone else had already told me about sex/puberty (albeit not everything was correct and she left out a few bits which led me to believe there was something physically wrong with me for over 10 years!) Because my mum didn't tell me anything. Of course 9 isn't too young and knowing how something works doesn't take away any innocence. If anything it gives them knowledge to protect themselves with. Although he's not far off year 6/7 where even when I was in school my classmates found it hilarious to share porn on their phones so you might want to give him the correct information before that.

Just to pick up on this, your son practically spends all his time next door but you don't like the boy! At 9 tell him he's not allowed to just go there. Then these situations won't happen. Not that anything bad has happened.

Strikes me as odd you don't think he should know about puberty, although they have def started this at school but let him have a lot of freedom with the neighbour.

The most concerning thing is your association of innocence with ignorance (like PP has also stated). This is an extremely unhealthy attitude for your son.

One of the gems I watch in school back in the early 70s

My Irish Catholic husband - similar age to you OP - didn’t get any sex education until secondary school, at which point a girl in his class advised the teacher that her male relative “had been doing that to her”. If you want your kid to be at risk of being in that position you crack on OP.

Also, it’s worth pointing out that no one other than you thinks your 9 year old son is cute or innocent. Actually, I wouldn’t want my daughter near a boy whose mother left all of the at-home sex education to her husband.

While I wouldn't actively tell a child at that age, I don't think it's bad no.

9 is an age where they will start to think about these things. Some girls have their periods by then.

Now it's done you can have a sensible and age appropriate conversation about sex with your son.

I taught my DS about sex when he was about that age. My mum never had the talk with me and I was quite naive, I was told by my peers at school and it was a shock!

I think it's brilliant that your son feels comfortable talking openly to you about things like this, please try and keep this going throughout his teen years, rather than making these perfectly normal things awkward (I get it though completely, I also come from a time where these things weren't spoken about.... especially with your parents 😳🤣) he will benefit so much from it.

When I was growing up, most of us figured out that Father Christmas and the Tooth Fairy, etc. were tall stories by the time we were about 7. We knew that babies were made in mummy's tummy at about the same age, but we didn't know how they got there. We didn't find this out until we were about 12 or 13.

If MN is to be believed, then we have children between about 6-13 YO still believing in Father Christmas but also knowing everything about sex and probably accessing porn on their phones.

I was a child of the 7, born to older parent, who in turn, had older parents. I was told nothing about sex until I went to senior school. My parents were too embarrassed to disicuss the topic, and I was a regular churchgoer. Overall the impression I got was that sex was dirty, shameful and should never be discussed.
I look back at the horrors of that age (e.g. Jimmy Saville) and dearly wish we'd have been better informed.

I have kept a handle on what the curriculum covers and when, and discussed in age appropriate language with DC the basic facts. We use proper terminology for body parts. School covered the basic info in y6, and recently they have had some more info about sexual development/puberty.
My indoctrination made forging relationships difficult in adolescence and I don't want DC to feel the same awkwardness, shame and ignorance I did.

^damned autocorrect.
Child of the 70s, born to older parents.

My son also went to a Christian (Catholic) primary. In Year 5 (9-10) he covered puberty, including erections and wet dreams, and in year 6 (10-11) intercourse. I was actually surprised that they managed to talk about erections and wet dreams without explaining about sex. I think you’re being a bit naive about what children tend to know and also what schools teach. By the time I went to secondary school at 11 in the 90s my friends and I were talking about all sorts. 13 is way too late.

This is madness surely by 9 your child should have had many things explained to him in am age appropriate way , by both you and the school ?! Did the school not send home information listing exactly what was being taught in the sex education program . My kids knew from a very young age about where babies came from , unwanted touch , periods puberty etc. I think you've done your child a massive disservice by not having discussss these things before. It is not a loss of innocence as you put it but essential in order to raise children who are comfortable in their own bodies and safe . I do think it is great thy your soon was able to tell you and I think perhaps you need to start being much more open with him from now on. There are lots of great age appropriate books available to make sure he learns the correct information

I was born in the 80s and brought up Catholic.

When I was about 3/4 I asked my mum how my brother had got into her tummy and she said Daddy had a special seed that he planted there. By the time I was 6 I knew how the seed got there - so I understood about the mechanics of sex and also that sex feels nice for grownups who love each other and they don't just do it to make babies. My mum told me about periods at 7.

I think if you haven't told your DC by 9 it's inevitable he'll hear it from someone who isn't you. Does he know his private parts are private? Does he know the proper words (penis/vagina)? I know it's the worst thing to think about but all DC need to know about these things for their safety.

Young kids talk about this kind of thing all the time. My son was about 7 when he was told some stuff at school by another kid which was incorrect. If i were you i would be more concerned about the accuracy of whatever has been said!

Another child told my son that babies are made when i man urinates into a woman's vagina while both are in the bathroom (only ever the bathroom). 😂😂 I had to correct that and have a candid chat about the mechanics of penetrative sex.

Check what he has been told as it could be equally bonkers.

Please excuse the countless spelling mistakes , this phone does not allow me to preview my posts sometimes

So you posted in AIBU, most PP’s have said yes. That you should have already had age appropriate discussions with you DS already, yet……

I was going to say exactly the same thing. It does no one any favours to keep everything so hidden. My Ds (10) has known all about how everything works - age appropriately- from the time he was able to ask questions!

9! You should have told him the basics already in a child appropriate way. YABU to even consider talking to the other boys parents about this.

I wS born in 76 and knew about sex by the end of primary. 13 is dangerously late. 9 sounds about right.