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Original poster

DS told us he knows what sex is

344 replies

BooseysMom · 05/01/2023 02:58

I never imagined this scenario. Please tell me if I'm being unreasonable. But also please be gentle. I was a child of the 70s and my mum & dad sat me down one day and told me the ins and outs of sex when I was about 13. It was a very uncomfortable experience tbh. But it seems that the job of telling DS (9) has already been done for us by no other than our neighbour's kid who's 10. Now please tell me if you think this is bad and should I go round and see his parents? Or would you just leave it? DH has told him about the birds and bees which is as far as the school have got. But i can't stop thinking that our DS's innocence has now gone completely thanks to the kid next door, who incidentally is a bit if a twat!
WWYD?

OP posts:
Florin · 05/01/2023 06:56

It would be a massive mistake to complain to the parents and you will sound extremely silly. It sounds like the real issue is you don’t like the boy. I would also prepare she may have a few choice words back.

Our son we explained to about sex at 6 as we were in a field of hunting dogs and they didn’t realise one had come on heat and she tied with a male. My son asked what was going on so I stood there in the field and explained the lot. He then went back to dh/his Dad who was waiting on a nearby straw bale and explained it to him in full much to the hilarity of the 2 old ladies sitting next to him. It’s an open subject in our house and sex isn’t considered a bad word in our house which I am glad of as it really wasn’t discussed when I was growing up. Our son is 10 now and he also knows that sex is a recreational thing between 2 consenting adults in a relationship and is completely normal and it isn’t just for procreating.

FabFitFifties · 05/01/2023 06:58

My child had a puberty talk, by a school nurse, year 5. It did not include sex. The boys were asked to leave so that the girls could talk about tampons/pads/ask more details re periods. Not visited by school since then - he is now year 7. I tried to have the talk before year 7,but he said he knew what I wss goingbto say snd abruptly left the room in a hurry! I would wamt to know what the child said - if it wss the badics, I would not be speaking to his parents, but encouraging him to come to you for info in the future.

FabFitFifties · 05/01/2023 06:59

Typing without my glasses, 🙄

GrasstrackGirl · 05/01/2023 07:03

If you speak to the parents then you will look like an utter fool.

Herroyal · 05/01/2023 07:04

Good, he should by that age! School hasn’t covered reproduction yet? In the U.K. they’ll have started on that…
uou need an open dialogue about sex, love, relationships - and younshould talk to your son too.
tell him you will always tell him the truth about what he asks no matter now ‘embarrassing’ because other wise he will get his information from other kids his own age and the internet and porn.
that’s the reality.

Underroad · 05/01/2023 07:04

Kids of this age talk about stuff like that - you’re being a bit over dramatic and prudish.

Believeitornot · 05/01/2023 07:05

BooseysMom · 05/01/2023 04:28

I know most people here advise against but I'm going to broach the subject with the parents. I feel it's inappropriate what their kid is saying to DS.

Please don’t. If you said that to me about my child, I would probably laugh to be honest and wonder why you hadn’t told your kid sooner.

StoppinBy · 05/01/2023 07:06

Sorry about all the typos, my phone is acting up, deleting words and autocorrecting things for no apparent reason and I keep forgetting to check before pressing 'post'.

GCSquirrel · 05/01/2023 07:08

They learn this at school. My dc’s are at a church school and it’s absolutely covered. They may also learn about pollination in plants but they’re obviously separate lessons as they’re about different things 🙄. You’re being utterly ridiculous and seem to have very little awareness of your child’s education if you don’t know this. It’s almost like you just made it all up.

Herroyal · 05/01/2023 07:18

‘I know most people here advise against but I'm going to broach the subject with the parents. I feel it's inappropriate what their kid is saying to DS.’

you’ll sound like a loon. Unless he’s telling him something worrying, or very age inappropriate that you’d worry about what he has seen or heard then you need to leave it.
boys/ girls this age will talk about stuff like this, so it’s up to you to make sure you give him the correct information to counter act all the stupid things that boys kn particular ( Inhave one!) tell each other.
some of the stuff my sons have told him is absolutely ridiculous and I often found it hard to keep a straight face while giving him the facts about what every nonsense they came out with.
Talk to him about girls and periods too, so there’s not this mystic around what happens in puberty.
when our son was that age we got him a book about puberty, and for him the ‘girl’ version of it too as there was more about periods than in the boys one.

HaggisBurger · 05/01/2023 07:21

BooseysMom · 05/01/2023 04:28

I know most people here advise against but I'm going to broach the subject with the parents. I feel it's inappropriate what their kid is saying to DS.

Not much point asking on here if you’re going to do it anyway.

its entirely natural for kids to talk like this along themslves.

What will you achieve speaking to the parents? Your child won’t be able to unhear it. Nor should he.

LetItGoHome · 05/01/2023 07:21

OP - please let us know how this conversation with the boy's mother goes. I'm very curious!

AWaferThinMint · 05/01/2023 07:21

I think I've entered a thread started in the 1950s. Sorry.

Tempone · 05/01/2023 07:22

You are doing your son a dis service by keeping information from him which is relevant to his body. He is 9 fgs. He needs to know about puberty and factual information about his body.

SebastiansLeg · 05/01/2023 07:23

My two children had the book Mummy Laid an Egg when they were around 5 and both my sons needed deodorant in year 4 as they smelled really bad if they didn't wear it. Some girls start their periods also in year 4 and there are sanitary bins in the school toilets from year 4 at the school my children went to.

We bought our sons What's Happening to Me? By Usborne books because it explains puberty and why it happens in an easy to understand way. It also covers briefly what happens to girls too so that they can understand why boys and girls change body wise from children into adults.

www.amazon.co.uk/Whats-Happening-Me-Facts-Life/dp/0746076630

This is all part of growing up, understanding growing from a baby to toddler, to preschooler and why they grow taller. Just be glad he came to you and told you as sometimes children have incorrect information that they share.

SnowlayRoundabout · 05/01/2023 07:23

BooseysMom · 05/01/2023 03:37

Yes, that's as far as the school have gone. It's a very church centered school however.

Show quote history

I'm prepared to bet they've gone further, otherwise they will have been grossly failing girls in particular. It's important that they are prepared for periods by the age of 8, and it would be mad to tell them about periods without saying more about why we have them.

upfucked · 05/01/2023 07:24

BooseysMom · 05/01/2023 04:28

I know most people here advise against but I'm going to broach the subject with the parents. I feel it's inappropriate what their kid is saying to DS.

It’s not. How babies are made is a normal question for children to ask.

You will look ridiculous.

TwoLeftSocksWithHoles · 05/01/2023 07:26

I still don't know how bees 'do it'. Mind you, I don't feel it has held me back!
🐝🐝🐝

howmanybicycles · 05/01/2023 07:26

I would expect him to have some basic knowledge by then already and would think the school are failing if he didn't.

StarsSand · 05/01/2023 07:27

Confused my five year old knows what sex is. They asked how babies get in mothers stomachs and I told them.

Are people really waiting for kids to learn on the school yard?

Singleandproud · 05/01/2023 07:27

I used to teach biology and the number of year 7 and 8s that did not understand how reproduction worked always shocked me. My own daughter knew from a young age because it is just a process the body goes through to make offspring its nothing to be innocent about.

I'm also shocked you've left this to your husband to discuss with him and you don't really know what he has mentioned.
A home version of what we would do in class would look like this:

  1. Get yourself to a DIY shop today and buy some lining paper. Get DS to lay on it and draw the outline of his body x3. Label 1 'male' and 1 female and 1 'both' . Get him to add all of the changes that he knows happens when a boy turns into a man and what happens to girls to change them into women and what happens to both. In a different colour pen you add in any he has missed. Talk about what puberty and adolescence is.

  2. On another day draw the male reproductive system and the female one and label it up, or print diagrams from the Internet, find out the name for key structures and their job.

  3. Teach him that all living things are made of tiny cells. There are two cells which have to meet up to make offspring. You can then draw a sperm and egg cell and label it. What makes a sperm good at doing its job of getting to the egg? Oh yes, it has a tail etc.

  4. Covering intercourse seems to be the bit most parents squirm at its easy. You look back at the reproductive diagrams and tell him that the male and female bodies can fit together like a puzzle, they move together and then lots of sperm cells are released into the females body. They then swim to the egg and fertilise it and they travel together to the uterus wall where they can develop into a baby
    There is a great video on YouTube called "the Great sperm race" which children often like and they are also often fascinated by those videos showing the development from fertilised egg to newborn baby.

If you cover the above he will know all the facts, it really doesn't destroy innocence and knowing about their body is so important. You should cover consent, the NSPCC Pants rule, make sure they know this is a grown up activity.

Athenen0ctua · 05/01/2023 07:28

Not understanding the 'child of the 70s' thing. My parents were born early 60s and were sexually active only a few years after the age you say you were told about sex, and so were their friends.

malificent7 · 05/01/2023 07:29

Oh ffs...he's 9. He sHould have known about this vital part of life years ago. It's just sex.....he's not lost his " innocence." No wonder most people have hang ups about it.

emptythelitterbox · 05/01/2023 07:30

Just gather some age appropriate books from the library and put together a little conversation/lesson about human biology.

It wouldn't be a bad idea to cover each of the bodies systems. Digestive, respiratory, reproductive, etc. I think doing that gives a wow my body is really cool vibe than shhh everything is a secret and taboo because adults are embarrassed.

Hiding these things just leads to kids growing up thinking the things they've seen in porn is how things really are and ignorance about how their own bodies work.
I was shocked at how so many men think women pee from their vaginas!

The main thing I would be concerned with is neighbor kid having unfettered internet access and watching and showing porn to your son.

What does his father have to say about all this?

SnowlayRoundabout · 05/01/2023 07:30

BooseysMom · 05/01/2023 04:28

I know most people here advise against but I'm going to broach the subject with the parents. I feel it's inappropriate what their kid is saying to DS.

Well, you could, if you want to give them and the the rest of your neighbours a good laugh. That's all you will achieve from it.

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