Page 14 | DS told us he knows what sex is

BooseysMom · 2023-01-05T02:58:44+00:00

I never imagined this scenario. Please tell me if I'm being unreasonable. But also please be gentle. I was a child of the 70s and my mum & dad sat me down one day and told me the ins and outs of sex when I was about 13. It was a very uncomfortable experience tbh. But it seems that the job of telling DS (9) has already been done for us by no other than our neighbour's kid who's 10. Now please tell me if you think this is bad and should I go round and see his parents? Or would you just leave it? DH has told him about the birds and bees which is as far as the school have got. But i can't stop thinking that our DS's innocence has now gone completely thanks to the kid next door, who incidentally is a bit if a twat! WWYD?

Liorae · 05/01/2023 18:57

GoldenCupidon · 05/01/2023 14:39

There’s often a touching belief on MN that children tell their parents everything they’ve heard. In that case my mum probably still thinks I don’t know what sex is.

So true. The 9 yr old who aren't asking are almost certainly not asking because they get their information elsewhere.

OoooohMatron · 05/01/2023 19:35

Bigshop · 05/01/2023 18:00

@OoooohMatron he definitely doesn’t know the the full facts. He knows body parts and correct names, how the egg and sperm meet together and a baby grows in the women’s uterus, and how they’re born. He knows about periods and he knows you need/should be a grown up to have a baby.

I don’t really care if other people think my child should know certain things at a certain age. I know my child and I’ll decide what he needs to know and when. By the looks of MN, no child over the age of 5 is allowed to believe in Father Christmas either- my son still believes, that probably also makes me irresponsible and a bad parent too 🙄

So many people on this thread have made to OP out to be wrong, just for having reservations on discussing a sensitive subject. Some shocking examples of bad parenting on MN, and this isn’t one of them!

I don't think OP, or you are bad parents, but I do think some people may be a bit naive regarding what their children know/don't know. I'd rather my child learned about sex from me than another child.

OoooohMatron · 05/01/2023 19:38

Bigshop · 05/01/2023 18:42

@OoooohMatron I don’t think it is that unusual- not amongst my friends and their kids anyway. My child attends a small rural school which is very strict, and expectations of pupil behaviour/ academics is very high. I would imagine there is a huge difference in language and behaviour of similar aged children,attending schools in less desirable locations.

Yes we're all rough as fuck round here...in the rural village we live in, where my children go to school!

Ericaequites · 05/01/2023 19:54

Make sure your son can ask you questions about sex. Tell him the truth . School sex education may not cover all the details, or children can miss bits through absence or not paying attention. My twelve year old step niece and her friend were giggling about periods. They thought a period was a one time event. I talked about menarche, period lengths, menstrual cycles, the importance of noting dates on the calendar and carrying supplies always, how stress or upset can change your cycle, and menopause. Her mother had done nothing more than buying pads and telling her how to use them. Children need the truth to be smart and stay safe.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 05/01/2023 19:55

Bigshop · 05/01/2023 18:42

@OoooohMatron I don’t think it is that unusual- not amongst my friends and their kids anyway. My child attends a small rural school which is very strict, and expectations of pupil behaviour/ academics is very high. I would imagine there is a huge difference in language and behaviour of similar aged children,attending schools in less desirable locations.

My DC attended a very academic prep school with very high behaviour expectations in an appropriately desirable leafy middle class bit of London etc etc. They still found out about sex by the age of the OP’s child. Do none of your child’s classmates have older siblings?

MrsBubblegum · 05/01/2023 20:12

I have been on the other end of this! My DD (age 11) told one of her friends (age 9) about puberty and sex. The girls parents were very upset (the Mum was in tears, inconsolable) and angry, and they came round to let us know how they felt.
We apologised but there wasn't much else we could do about it.
The girls parents told their daughter that my DD was lying and told us their daughter couldn't play with our DD anymore!

twothirty5th · 05/01/2023 20:12

OoooohMatron · 05/01/2023 17:12

Oh and it's not other children's responsibility to keep a lid on their natural curiosity and desire to talk just because you want to 'protect' your precious darling from actual biological facts!

This!

MiddleParking · 05/01/2023 21:35

Bigshop · 05/01/2023 16:23

@MiddleParking why so aggressive? It’s my choice as his parent to decide what he learns and when. I’m not stopping anyone else from teaching their kids about sex, I’d just ask that they didn’t share that information. Its nothing to do with being embarrassed , it’s just not relevant to us at this point in time.

And as for implying an increased risk of sexual abuse- what a ridiculous thing to say, no ones to blame for that except the abuser.

@Teafor1please you have children as young as 11 engaging in sexual activity? You almost make it sound like the norm and it’s acceptable..Something very wrong there.

Who told you you got to decide what he learns and when? You don’t, as OP has found out and as you certainly will too unless, of course, you make that decision by telling him things yourself before he hears it elsewhere.

Lockeddownagain · 05/01/2023 21:43

My daughters friend told her when she was 8 cos her mum had told her I was fizzing cos I thought it was too young but I've never brought it up and I'll just the school tell her now

ShodanLives · 05/01/2023 22:16

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Stompythedinosaur · 05/01/2023 22:46

Bigshop · 05/01/2023 18:42

@OoooohMatron I don’t think it is that unusual- not amongst my friends and their kids anyway. My child attends a small rural school which is very strict, and expectations of pupil behaviour/ academics is very high. I would imagine there is a huge difference in language and behaviour of similar aged children,attending schools in less desirable locations.

This is a very funny post. Such good academics and yet not one dc has questions about sex? I think you are being naive. Do you think the dc are chatting about politics and algebra in the playground? It may shock you to learn that middle class dc have much the same interests as other dc.

Hattie72 · 06/01/2023 00:09

Does OP live in a less desirable location then as neighbour kid knows about sex? 😅

GreenManalishi · 06/01/2023 11:17

@Bigshop
My child attends a small rural school which is very strict, and expectations of pupil behaviour/ academics is very high. I would imagine there is a huge difference in language and behaviour of similar aged children,attending schools in less desirable locations.

Peak mumsnet.

If you honestly believe that the children at the strict school with high academic expectations have ANY difference in their biological and emotional make up than in the shit town down the road then you are much misguided.

The price of your house and the neatness of your lawn has nothing to do with it.

Any rural kid who's seen sheep shagging has had several questions in their mind about what's going on way way before nine years old. The only difference is the very high expectation of pupil behaviour has a flip side in that it fosters an environment of perfection therefore shame, suffocates their natural curiosity and stunts the open dialogue between child and parent which, believe you me, no matter how des your res, will be very necessary when they hit their teens.

Onebelow · 06/01/2023 11:23

Being prudish and childish over subjects like sex, can be very damaging for a child. The uncomfortable and awkwardness you felt when your parents explained sex to you, is exactly how your children are going to feel about talking to you about these things if you don’t break the cycle. Don’t repeat the mistakes your own parents did. Sex is a normal and healthy part of life, and something you want your children to feel like they can discuss with you any time and you’ll not judge, be awkward, or act like a giggling child over. You want your kids to feel like they can approach you about anything throughout their childhood and adolescence.

Onebelow · 06/01/2023 11:24

Ps. They do sex education in primary school.

waynesworldpartytimeexcellent · 06/01/2023 20:16

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Original poster

BooseysMom · 08/01/2023 14:05

My twelve year old step niece and her friend were giggling about periods. They thought a period was a one time event

God, if only!!

Thank you again all your posts. I actually felt so bloody embarrassed by posting this in the first place, I asked MNHQ 3 times for it to be removed but they ignored me!

Anyway some great & helpful responses here. I have most definitely been chastised!

Btw, DS definitely knows his private parts are private, but just not the actual mechanics of sex. Pps have said to not make a big thing of it unless he asks and I agree. He seems completely uninterested atm anyway!

OP posts:

Testina · 08/01/2023 14:12

I’d be ashamed of myself if I had a 12yo who thought a period was a one time event! No parent should let that happen.

Technonan · 08/01/2023 14:23

No wonder so many people are messed up about sex. It's a normal bodily function, and there are plenty of age-appropriate books if you have problems talking about it. My DS (he's now 50, so I don't have to worry too much about someone letting the cat out of the bag) sort of knew from a very early age. I just answered his questions when they came up (The 'What are those dogs/my rabbits etc doing?' questions) and we read through a very good Dorling Kimberley (I think) book when he was about 7, called 'How Your Body Works.'

He took it all in his stride, and he's always had a good attitude towards sex. He's never been sniggery, likes women, has had women friends as well as girlfriends most of his life, and has been happily married for the past 15 years. To him, sex has always been something he knew about, never some kind of dark secret. Nine seems a bit old not to know at least the mechanics of it. That's when I'd be wanting to discuss the emotional side, tbh.

If you can't manage a clear talk with him (if you're embarrassed, he'll be embarrassed) get a book that's clear and accurate and talk through it with him.