DS told us he knows what sex is

[BooseysMom]

I never imagined this scenario. Please tell me if I'm being unreasonable. But also please be gentle. I was a child of the 70s and my mum & dad sat me down one day and told me the ins and outs of sex when I was about 13. It was a very uncomfortable experience tbh. But it seems that the job of telling DS (9) has already been done for us by no other than our neighbour's kid who's 10. Now please tell me if you think this is bad and should I go round and see his parents? Or would you just leave it? DH has told him about the birds and bees which is as far as the school have got. But i can't stop thinking that our DS's innocence has now gone completely thanks to the kid next door, who incidentally is a bit if a twat!
WWYD?

Despite what the majority are saying on here, not all 9 year olds know what sex is. Mine has only just started asking the odd question, but really isn’t that interested so I see no point in going into huge detail. When he asks more I will tell him.

I have a couple of books ready, but I do feel many of them go into too much detail despite being aimed at children.
I don’t think a 9 year old needs to know about how enjoyable sex is/ self pleasure or being sexually attracted others.
Why is everyone so desperate for young children to know so much detail.

If other parents are going to tell their children all the facts, then they should make sure their child is old enough and responsible enough to keep it to themselves.

Children need to know the facts from a safeguarding perspective.

My DD wasn't very inquisitive and asked very few questions. I had to push the conversation along. She was very grateful and said she didn't want to find out the facts of life in the playground - she wanted to talk to me in a safe environment, where she knew she'd get the truth.

There’s often a touching belief on MN that children tell their parents everything they’ve heard. In that case my mum probably still thinks I don’t know what sex is.

Children will talk... you can't stop that. But what you can stop is your child mixing misinformation with fact.

If other parents are going to tell their children all the facts, then they should make sure their child is old enough and responsible enough to keep it to themselves.

It’s your position that’s irresponsible, not theirs. Who on Earth would read so many pages of people telling OP so and then decide to say ‘nah, I’d prefer my kid to be at elevated risk of embarrassment among their peers at best and sexual abuse at worst and I want other people to instruct their kids to support me in that thanks’?

This thread reminds me about the ones where parents are upset their sixteen year old was told by friends that Santa isn’t real and Christmas is forever ruined.

@JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn yes they do. my son knows about how private parts are private, and has done from an early age. And I’m not against telling kids if they are asking, but in an age appropriate way.
@GoldenCupidon maybe when they’re a little older perhaps but I can 100% say he doesn’t know.
I do have a very young 9 year old- no siblings, so maybe this is why he doesn’t seem as curious. But I have 3 other friends with same age kids who also don’t know about sex.

“DH has told him about the birds and bees”

If you have to resort to euphemistic crap like that even on an anonymous internet site, it’s a good job someone else stepped in and told your child.

I'm the head of year 7 in a large school. So that's age 11 on entry. There are children who have watched porn by the time they've started. There are some children engaging in sexual activity with one another and there are children who have had adults online or in person trying to sexually abuse them.
You can't just ignore the issue at age 9.

My idea of the flowers talk: When a mummy flower and a daddy flower love each other very much, they cuddle in a special way that makes them both very happy!

@MiddleParking why so aggressive? It’s my choice as his parent to decide what he learns and when. I’m not stopping anyone else from teaching their kids about sex, I’d just ask that they didn’t share that information. Its nothing to do with being embarrassed , it’s just not relevant to us at this point in time.

And as for implying an increased risk of sexual abuse- what a ridiculous thing to say, no ones to blame for that except the abuser.

@Teafor1please you have children as young as 11 engaging in sexual activity? You almost make it sound like the norm and it’s acceptable..Something very wrong there.

@GiltEdges Plant pollination and human reproduction are taught at similar times as they are similar topics and ar both processes leading to the continuation of species.

You identify the male and female structures of both flowers and humans and their function.
You learn how the male gamete gets to the female gamete so sperm/ egg and sex and pollen grain/ ovule and pollination.
You learn how the offspring develops whether that is a fertilised egg in to baby or ovule into seed and germination.

Often plant reproduction is taught before sexual reproduction to introduce the ideasand they should both be covered at Primary School and Keystage 3 in High School at different levels

@Singleandproud you have explained the link between the two very well. But in no mind would I think "ah well my daughter knows about reproduction of plants so that's enough reproduction talk for now" 😂😂😂 I'm still laughing the "DH has told him about the birds and bees" actually meant birds and bees

Not sure what books you've bought 🤔 By 9/10 children should know how babies are made. No need to go into detail, just basic biological facts. Your son will 100% have heard things about sex at that age, probably from other 9 year olds who might be giving the wrong information so why would you not get in there first with the correct facts? If you had a daughter would you not tell her about periods, or would you rather it just took her by surprise one day?

I'm also a child of the 70s.

I can't remember when I didn't know the biological basics of sex because my parents, perfectly appropriately, explained to me at a very young age (3? 4?) through a book from the library.

One of the reasons they did this, I'm sure, was so I didn't hear second hand rumours about it in the playground from uninformed 9-year olds. YABU.

Oh and it's not other children's responsibility to keep a lid on their natural curiosity and desire to talk just because you want to 'protect' your precious darling from actual biological facts!

@OoooohMatron he definitely doesn’t know the the full facts. He knows body parts and correct names, how the egg and sperm meet together and a baby grows in the women’s uterus, and how they’re born. He knows about periods and he knows you need/should be a grown up to have a baby.

I don’t really care if other people think my child should know certain things at a certain age. I know my child and I’ll decide what he needs to know and when. By the looks of MN, no child over the age of 5 is allowed to believe in Father Christmas either- my son still believes, that probably also makes me irresponsible and a bad parent too 🙄

So many people on this thread have made to OP out to be wrong, just for having reservations on discussing a sensitive subject. Some shocking examples of bad parenting on MN, and this isn’t one of them!

If you wanted your ds to hear about sex from an adult first you really should have had a conversation before they were 9!

The dc who talked about some factual information has not done anything wrong.

There's nothing wrong with DC knowing about sex.

@OoooohMatron If he asked more questions then I’d tell him, but he isn’t interested in procreation…because he’s 9!

Is it unusual for a 9yo to be curious about procreation? I think my dc were about 3 when they asked about how babies were made. I think most dc are curious, surely? It seems very late for a 9yo to have taken no interest, and makes me wonder if they've picked up that asking is bad or wrong.

Yes, it's very wrong. But it does happen.

And @Bigshop I absolutely did not make it sound acceptable.

@OoooohMatron I don’t think it is that unusual- not amongst my friends and their kids anyway. My child attends a small rural school which is very strict, and expectations of pupil behaviour/ academics is very high. I would imagine there is a huge difference in language and behaviour of similar aged children,attending schools in less desirable locations.

I was a child in the 70s. By around aged 10, and certainly 11 in first year senior school, I knew pretty much as much as I ever would thanks to the neighbour kids and classmates.
(Good job really given my mum's contribution consisted of telling me the day I started my periods aged 11 that 'did I realise I could have a baby now? So don't go letting boys take advantage')
I genuinely don't remember what happened with my own, now adult, DC. Certainly no sit down talk, just conversation arising from what was covered in school, things on TV and books they read.