To ask if there is really much difference having children in your late 30's

[FlyingHighFlyingLow]

Just that I guess. Due to careers we've been a bit late settling down (I'm 33, DP 34). We are engaged and were planning on getting married and having a couple of years to ourselves married before having kids but both of our parents had easy pregnancies in their early 30s then a horrific one in their later 30s resulting in long term health problems, surgical intervention etc.

I guess I'm just looking for other persepctives of how others found pregnancies after the dreaded 35 and hoping our parents experiences were just bad luck! Do we need to rethink?

36 and mine was fine, sailed through apart from really bad morning sickness at the beginning

If you want more than one I wouldn’t delay a couple of years after marriage.

Had my first at 36 and currently pregnant with second at 38. Obviously can’t compare to any earlier but didn’t seem to have any issues with my first pregnancy being later

Pregnancy should be Ok, but fertility is on a much steeper downward slope from 35, so as pp says if you feel strongly about having 2, don’t hang about.

I was 33 and 37, had awful sickness with the first one but apart from that I was fine

Had 1st at 38 and 2nd at nearly 43. If anything, I found the 2nd one 'easier' as I'd done it before. No issues with either pregnancies.

If you want children then why wait after marriage?

Not because of health complications per se but because of the increased likelihood of it not happening at all.

It is just fact that it's more difficult to get pregnant in late thirties

Don't just think about having the baby. What about when they are older? When you can do joint things with them? Our kids are teens, we are late 40's and enjoy sports, theater etc and we have similar interests when we go on holiday etc.

We are still working to see them through Uni and may also be young enough to help them get set up in life and help out with baby sitting etc

Tiredness was the key difference between mine in early 30’s and last one in very late 30’s. More tired, less energy

I had my kids at 36 and 41, easiest of pregnancies and no complications whatsoever. Both births were horrendously hard (both in awkward positions) but once they were out, everything was easy. I don't think my age had anything to do with their hard labours.
I would have preferred to be under 40 for my second, but with a MC in-between them, and then just taking a bit longer to conceive dc2 (was bfing dc1 for longer than average), that's how long it took.

I had first at 38 and second at 42. It was difficult! I don't want to go into the ins and outs as it's still hard to talk about but my advice would be don't wait. I was really lucky to have two and always feel I have been given a gift but it was a hard few years

I had no problems at 38 and an easy birth (third child). What is more difficult is having an early teen in my 50s. My older children are adults and I'm just bloody tired and menopausal.

So it's not just now you have to think about, it's longer term too.

After 35 your fertility declines massively. We started at 37 and it was too late! Many people do fine conceiving in late 30s but not everyone does manage to - me and several friends can attest to that 3 years later. Why take the risk?

I wouldn't wait if I were you. But both my births were fine. Both late 30s. Easier than most of my friends and colleagues who were late 20s/early 30s.

I wouldn't delay further after marriage, or have a long engagement either, I'd just get on with it. I do think the marriage bit is important to protect the lower earner/primary caregiver financially.

Oh and I’ve been pregnant 13 times, it’s the egg quality that declines massively and you don’t know until you try if that’s your issue! I aced all my fertility MOT tests and still do.

Had DC at 38. Terribly ill for most of pregnancy and then emergency CS due to pre-eclampsia. Both DC and I in ICU for days. I think I was unlucky. Still would do it again in a heartbeat to have my wonderful DC.

We're heading into our 40s with no luck yet OP. Don't wait just for the sake of it.

Pregnant but no baby…

Depends if you want dependents in your 50s and perhaps 60s, if the western economy and society continues on its current trajectory.

I had one at 32 and one at 37. Both pregnancies were fine. It did take me a lot longer to get pregnant with my second though.

I got married aged 32. A lot of older friends and colleagues were going through unexplained infertility. SiL just had her second unsuccessful round of IVF.

We decided to crack on ttc within 6 months of marrying, because I realised I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I left it too late just because I wasn’t ready to give up going out to dinner whenever I wanted. stakes are too high on running the risk.

Had easy pregnancies at 26 and 28 but my one at 39 was really hard. Lots of sickness, was in and out of hospital and gave birth at 36 weeks by c section. Suffered blood clots on my lungs after too.
Now it might have just been coincidence but after DS was born I was warned another pregnancy could kill me.
So just from personal experience I wouldn't wait too long but I do think I was very unlucky.

39 I had my last one it definitely took me longer to recover physically

I think, like others have mentioned, the bigger issue might be what happens if you have fertility issues.
some people take a few years (or more, or never) to conceive. If that happens then delaying by 2-3 years could make a difference.

of course you might choose that you are willing to delay to have the time together first. I guess you just balance up both options and find what’s right for you.