To ask if there is really much difference having children in your late 30's

[FlyingHighFlyingLow]

Just that I guess. Due to careers we've been a bit late settling down (I'm 33, DP 34). We are engaged and were planning on getting married and having a couple of years to ourselves married before having kids but both of our parents had easy pregnancies in their early 30s then a horrific one in their later 30s resulting in long term health problems, surgical intervention etc.

I guess I'm just looking for other persepctives of how others found pregnancies after the dreaded 35 and hoping our parents experiences were just bad luck! Do we need to rethink?

I had twins at 47 (after a long journey trying).
While I don't recommend waiting till your late-40s, physically it was totally fine. Textbook pregnancy, never any nausea or sickness. Birth by c-section, and very quick recovery (up and down stairs with the twins a few days later).

I had mine at 35 and 38. All went smoothly, no problems apart from a forceps birth. However, I'm now 48 and perimenopausal. Suffer with anxiety and don't sleep well. Generally feel quite flat and tired. Have a pubescent daughter and a son who'll be a teenager in a couple of years. It's kind of exhausting parenting adolescents when you're approaching 50. I do wish I'd had them earlier simply because I had more energy and I was more fun before perimenopause hit. I wish the kids had seen me in my prime. They'll remember me being rather tired and fed up, I think.

Second baby at 40 and third at 41
Hard work but happy times 🥰

I was 36 when I had my second DS and everything was fine. Quick conception etc. But that really has no bearing on what it will be like for you. Tbh, I would get married ASAP and skip your two years to yourself. You have no idea how long it will take you to get pregnant or what other challenges pregnancy might bring.

I had dc1 at 31 and dc2 at 41 mostly due to circumstance but had 3 mcs before dc2. You just never know how long it’ll take to get pregnant and whether you’ll have mcs so I’d recommend trying earlier rather than later unless really pressing issues like buying a house etc.

Two pregnancies in late 30s and early 40s. Absolutely fine- no problems and no regrets about doing it late. Fell pregnant very easily both times.

ETA sorry I meant to say once I was pregnant with dc2 it was a really easy pregnancy and pretty straight forward birth as with dc1.

I conceived at 44 (a bit of a surprise) and had ds at 45. Easy pregnancy, no issues other than a fairly slow labour.

DS is 14 now. We're still doing ok. 😊

I had my youngest just before I turned 41. Personally I found pregnancy easy apart from the nausea. I did have emergency sections with both but my age wasnt a factor and I bounced back from the surgery far faster than anyone else I know. Went out for lunch when dc2 was 2 days old.

I agree with PP’s that it’s your fertility that can be an issue, but of course, it’s different for everyone.

I have loads of friends who’ve had children in their late 30’s and 40’s, including a few unexpected pregnancies mid-! Some did have to try for a while to conceive around 40 though-for sone people, there’s a big difference between conceiving easily at 36 and having to try for a year or so at 40, for example.

So don’t leave it too long. You don’t know how it’ll be for you personally.

Pregnant at 33 and 37. 37 was much harder as I was so much more tired.

Wouldn’t wait if you definitely want children.

My first at 31 was fine. Trying to have a second i had 3 miscarriages & a v complicated pregnancy resulting in prem baby.

Loads of friends had miscarriages from mid thirties on. Several friends didn't manage a second, a few needed ivf.

My two sisters who had kids younger had no issues, the sister & i who had them mid thirties had 5 miscarriages between us, gestational diabetes and IUGR.

Being married isnt terribly different to being in a long term relationship. Why do you need a couple of years married to yourselves? If i had my time again I wouldn't put it off at all.

I’m also 48 and completely agree, @SallyWD It’s knackering parenting teenagers at this age!

Had dd at 32. Had placenta previa but shifted at end and straightforward birth in hospital. Had ds at 36. Very easy pregnancy and home birth. Slightly more tired but not particularly and had a young child at home.
Got pregnant first cycle each time.

Im 42 had ds 8 two months before I turned 33.Couldnt imagine having a 3 or 4 year old now.I wouldn't wait on purpose.

I would get on with it so you can enjoy the time on your own after kids have moved out. You'll appreciate it more.

Aside from potential fertility issues, time waits for noone and you and the grandparents will want to be around for as much of their lives as possible. Plus grandparents age and may not be up to caring for the kids and may need care help from you so get the early years done.

Could happen at any age.
My first pregnancy/birth/recovery aged 24 was horrendous. My second at 30 was much better.
I also had fertility issues so I'd be wary of waiting too long especially if you want more than 1 child.

I'm now 52 and youngest is 16 and he is a breeze. My mum was 42 and Dad 47 when I was born do I feel relatively young.

First pregnancy at 37 - straightforward but v difficult birth. Took ages to get pg with no.2. Ages and ages with that horrendous calendar bonking and years of the 2ww. Pregnancy was exhausting at 41 with lots of complications. Now mid-fifties, menopausal with 2 teens... also exhausting. I would recommend going for it sooner rather than later.

35,38 and 40 here. First and last an absolute breeze, middle pregnancy rotten. So pregnancy wise no difference to me.

but I started trying at 32 and took me 2-3 years to conceive. Always wanted three but would have rather had them mid 30s rather than last one at 40. I also had a miscarriage between both kids, the last one horrific.

I would think about how many kids you would like and when you would like your last one (in an ideal world). Also consider that things may not go to plan and how you’d feel if you put it off. Might help you figure out if you want to wait.

good luck!

I did age 26, 27 and 34. My god it was so much harder! But mightvr have been luck, I was anemic with the 3rd. If it'd been my first maybe I'd have been less tired or thought that was just how pregnancy felt.

Falling pregnant for me after 37 was a nightmare. Don’t wait.

3 in my mid to late thirties, no problems

36 and 37 here. Needed ivf so declining fertility would be my biggest concern if you were my friend. You can't just assume that getting pregnant when older will be as easy as it is at 25.

Babies at 38 and 40 here. Conceived within a month. Births both very straightforward. I loved having babies in my 40s, it was like a whole new life compared to my 20s and 30s.
DH retired at 57 when DC were still at school and was there for all the teenage running around .
I'm now 64 and DC in their 20s, it's all been fine.
The only downsides

1. I wish I'd started a couple of years earlier as I would have had a 3rd but it seemed a risk after 40 and I decided to stop as I had two healthy children.
2. We are likely to be old grandparents. Of course they may not have children so that remains hypothetical.