To regret having children?

[Cinderellasslipper]

Anyone else miss being childfree?

YABU - no way

YANBU - yes I have regrets too

I miss it but don’t regret it. Hope you’re okay x

Yes same- I miss freedom and sleep but no regrets. Also hope you are not struggling and have support x

I struggle with the one I have, he's 6 months.
But I know my life would not feel complete without a child. I love him very very much ❤️

However I admire people who choose to be childless. Having kids isn't for everyone and it is very wise that some people recognise that.

The thing is that you never know what life will bring. When DD was small I did spend some time thinking 'what on earth did I do?' But know she's 12 she's a delight and I'd hate to be without her. Come 15 I may change my mind!

Life is so long, and it's always changing.

No regrets, she's my world 🌏
Hope you're ok x

I don't but I absolutely get why you would, it is sheer drudgery a lot of the time and you give so much of yourself to them.

YABU.

I hate these threads. 99.9% of the time they are either women with:

1)Crap husbands/partners who do nothing in terms of housework/childcare but the women blames her unhappiness on having children instead.

2)Untreated PND. For which they have my upmost sympathy, but there is help out there.

3)Too dim to realise that the baby/toddler/them being young stage doesn't last for ever. You will be able to have lie-ins and go out without them. You are not condemned to a lifetime of Cbeebies at 7am, in fact that stage passes very quickly.

Miss it so much. I often wonder if I had the choice (and knowledge I have now) would I do it again. It's pretty much destroyed my relationship. But I can't imagine life without my DC, he brings me so much joy with his laugh. Definitely only 1 for me though!!

How old are your children? I hope you're OK, OP.

I think the Christmas holidays especially are difficult as children are full of energy, often overtired and over stimulated.

I do sometimes idly wonder what life would have been like but less so now they're at an easier stage.

Totally disagree. You can miss your old life of total freedom. Especially if you went out lots, had loads of friends, travelled, great career etc it also doesn't mean you love your child any less

Adore DC but I would leave DH if I was child free. He has been awful but I have young children so stay . Childless me would have gone !

I do have moments of regret. It probably is driven by feeling depressed due to sleep deprivation in part. I don’t have a crap husband thankfully, but even with both of us getting up in the night and sharing all childcare as a team, we’re exhausted.

I miss being spontaneous, nice holidays, eating a meal together. I used to make a roast on a Sunday and feel so sad there was only two of us, when Sunday meals had been such lovely family occasions for me as a kid. Now they consist of two kids chucking food, running around, eating nothing, climbing out of the highchair and generally giving us indigestion. Worst time of the week. Just highlights this huge expectation vs reality gap of having kids.

I totally love my kids but I definitely have moments when I miss my old life or where the reality of having kids falls very short of what I had hoped for.

I don't regret it because I wanted children and feel very privileged to have them. But as a PP put it, there is a huge expectation vs reality gap for me. I didn't expect life to be easy with children but I didn't think it would be 95% stress and boredom, and only 5% fun. I also believed things would get easier as they get older but actually, they are just different.
In my next life, I want to be voluntarily child free.

No regrets as such but I do miss my old life sometimes. I find it strange that you love someone so much that you make a family with them to then find you have pretty much no life with them because you're constantly juggling kids and sleep deprivation

I think this is really well put. I wonder how I didn't know what the reality of the day to day would be and why no one ever told me apart from jokey comments. Now when I talk about it people are so open, it's a bit pointless once you've already had the child. I am now very honest with anyone considering having children, I wish someone had done this with me

Childfree through choice myself, and I've had umpteen women down the years remark that they envy the lifestyle that comes with that, but most add the caveat that they would still have their children if they were given the chance over again.

I admire the honesty and frankness of the ones who say they would not. They aren't always the ones who have had struggles with the kids or hopeless partners either, I think some mothers just get so sick and tired of the drudgery that long-term it overwhelms them and the resentment builds when they see their friends from many moons ago still at liberty to make choices and take decisions that are denied to them. I have one friend in particular who openly admits that she doesn't even like her eldest, only had a second to please her husband, regrets it every single day and despairs that she still has many years of motherhood to dependent children ahead. I feel desperately sorry for her.

I occasionally miss the spontaneity of life before children. But I can honestly say, for me, that the joy my DS brings to my life completely outweighs anything else. I can’t imagine my life without him.

I don't regret it because I had my children late and thought hard about it beforehand but I agree regarding the expectation gap that other posters have mentioned. I regret how the exhaustion and boredom of the early years have made me a more angry and bogged down person than I ever was - I hope that will eventually lift.
I often think about where my career would be now if a) I was a dad, not a mum or b) either of us were in an income bracket where a nanny (or OH being part time or a SAHD) was a possibility. I am 40 now and the truth is I will probably never reach those career goals as once I'm fully able to be dedicate myself again (50s) then ageism will be a factor

Being a parent is harder than I thought. It is still the best thing I have done in my life though.

I think if I'd had them "early" then perhaps there'd be times when I wished I'd had a bit more experience of life beforehand. I had mine at 35 and 39 so by then I think I'd done the "freedom" thing to death. Even when times were difficult with babies I've never actually regretted it, though I can absolutely see how this could be the case under different circumstances.

Well OP mentioned regret in her title. There's missing your old life and there's having actual regret about your child's existence.

PP put it harshly, but I agree with alot of what she said.

Wow! Glad ur not my mother 😂 so unkind

Lol I just knew there'd be a 'childfree by choice' comment and in typical fashion, not adding anything of substance. Just inserting themselves in a post (aimed at other mums) to wax lyrical about how great their life choice is and how pitiful those women who choose to have children are🙄.

@XDownwiththissortofthingX probably everyone you speak to is honest and only a fraction actually do regret their choice - because on the whole kids bring as much or sometimes more to a life than they take away .

No. Mine are ace.