To regret having children?

[Cinderellasslipper]

Anyone else miss being childfree?

YABU - no way

YANBU - yes I have regrets too

Careful @BippityBopper you sound bitter

Definitely miss it sometimes but no regrets.

Mine are grown up now, and I miss having little ones around.

Not at all. If I'd not had DC, I'd be lying in bed alone, having just had a quiet Christmas at my parents. Both DC just climbed in with me early doors.

As it happens, I'm now a single parent, and can honestly say I'm glad I went through the awful relationship with their Dad, as it meant I now have them. My life at 40 something would feel pretty rubbish if I didn't have them, as I knew I always wanted DC.

I don't regret it but if you'd asked even just 4 years ago id have said I did. They DO get easier as they grow or maybe you just get more used to it? The main thing I miss is just having responsibility for myself. Now from the minute I wake to the minute I sleep I'm essentially just a person who makes sure the ipad chargers are within reach and that the krave cereal doesn't run out

You're not alone, OP.

I'm childfree and a lot of friends say they're envious and wouldn't have children if they had the choice again. It must be so tough because it's not a decision you can just undo, and you don't know what it's like until you have your own (friends tell me).

One friend in particular had a child who sadly was born with disabilities and although she gives them a great life, she's had to give up work and her hobbies, she isn't the same person anyone, her DH left and has no contact, it's just awful.

I really admire parents, I just couldn't do it. The stress, sacrifice and drudgery must take a huge toll. Are you getting much support at the moment?

Specifically addressing point 3: unfortunately if you are unlucky enough to have children with complex needs this may well be your life. And not at 7am either. More like 2/3am. Had I known the difficulties my DC would have and the impact on the rest of the family then no, I would not have have had them. Too late now.

I’m not a very motherly person by nature, never yearned for children when I was younger, never fawned over babies etc.

When my DH and I discussed trying for a baby, I had my concerns about whether it would be the right decision for me and put a huge amount of thought into it, and ultimately decided it was something I wanted.

My DC is now 18 months old and I’ve had days where I’ve wondered if it was the right choice. Sometimes it seems like an utterly relentless and thankless task to raise a child, and can be very lonely.

In the most thought, I absolutely adore having him and the new experiences that having him has opened up for me. I’ve met loads of new people and loved seeing things through his eyes - I find I look forward to doing things I previously would have found quite dull, simply because I want to see him enjoy it.

I completely understand your post and absolutely feel the same way on occasion, but for me the benefits outweigh the negatives - for now. I know it won’t always feel like this.

I'm one of those broody idiots who's tits fill with milk at the sight of a baby.
I also love the older stages, my eldest is 16 and I'm currently pregnant. I had my eldest at 19. I've also been a foster carer throughout my 20s.

I would if money and space permitted and obviously time, would have loved 8 kids like my MiL, but that would be irresponsible of me so I'll stick to this next bub being my last 😂

That said I'm brutally honest with my childless friends or friends that are on the fence, it's not glamorous.
It's a very strange time to be a parent now also, with the Pinterest/influencer/mummy blogging levels of expectations on average Jane (like me) mothers. I think that is relevant to new parents, to be informed that is all bollocks.
My friends who love travelling and lie ins and meals out and partying, who have no idea if they even wants kids, I'm very honest with. Your life changes so dramatically. Not for the worst but its a shock.

I think it's something many parents feel, regret, it's tiring, boring, constant but they're too scared to say it in case people think they don't love their kids. Doesn't mean that at all.

It's very brave to be honest plus the older they get, the more independence, the happier you'll be!

Lol maybe I would be if my DC were still small babies. But they're (a little older now) and I feel more like myself and I'm regaining my freedom. Plus I have my two DC who bring me such a wholesome joy, so NOW I can happily say I have no regrets.

Rewind not even 1 year ago though, and there was unimaginable exhaustion, pure drudgery and a feeling of hopelessness. I will honestly say I hate the newborn stage. People saying it's the early stages that bring those regretful feelings resonate with me. I do understand those with children with disabilities have a very different experiences, but for many mums, it's a temporary feeling that will pass. It just might not feel like it at the time.

No regrets. We planned for kids and we're ready for them. I don't remember much about pre kid life as it was over 15yrs ago.

No regrets, I just wish he was a better sleeper and didn't get so many bugs. Hey ho, he's very sweet and fun though, and I know I'm lucky. Everything just feels better now, Christmas was amazing shared with a baby.

I do know I had a time where I just sobbed, "I shouldn't have done this, I'm not capable" etc when he was a very screamy, colicky newborn. My mum was with me and just laughed, "Don't be daft, of course you're capable." She took him off me for a bit and let me lie down. I've not had that kind of wobble since, but I think it's normal to feel like that sometimes, particularly when sleep deprived.

I love my kids but if I'm blessed enough to have another life, it would definitely be a childfree one.

I don't regret it because I wanted children and feel very privileged to have them. But as a PP put it, there is a huge expectation vs reality gap for me. I didn't expect life to be easy with children but I didn't think it would be 95% stress and boredom, and only 5% fun. I also believed things would get easier as they get older but actually, they are just different. In my next life, I want to be voluntarily child free.

This for me too. We’re very lucky as a family but I feel like I’m running an 18-year long catering operations with brief respite breaks provided by state education.

I took my three to choose a snack recently at a cafe next to a gallery (where we were going for the children’s programme/so the toddlers could toddle around the floor). They had all these delicious looking things that were impractical for us to buy, and in the corner was this woman in her fifties, with a coffee and a slice of cake, reading a book. My god how I wanted to be that woman. I imagined waking late on a Saturday morning after a busy week at work, waking to a quiet home, maybe a flat in the city centre, getting up calmly, spending the morning reading a good book before meeting a friend somewhere or going for a walk. Meanwhile my home is a constant exercise in decluttering and we live in nappy valley SE, someone’s always ill, we’ve lost the fucking class rabbit, nights are a shitshow, I’m short tempered and I eat badly through a combination of stress, tiredness and boredom. I used to work in the City so know a fair number of women who would be living a life like I describe above.

I don’t want to minimise the raw pain of loneliness or infertility or somehow fail to count my blessings but it is difficult and I don’t think “regret” is taboo.

I find them interesting. I couldn’t have children but am at peace with it and have a good life. I was ttc in the 1990s and at that time the idea of regretting motherhood was taboo, people who chose not to have kids were still considered a bit weird and no one talked about the downsides at all. It seems there is no validation for these feelings of regret, they are either pathologised (PND), or a phase (“it will get better, it will be better when they’re older”). What if it isn’t/doesn’t?

Well that that was pretty unpleasant

Yes I miss being child free and able to do as I please, have nice chilled holidays and spend my money on whatever I liked.
I also miss being child and pet free and having a clean and tidy house with little effort.
But I know 💯 that I wouldn't be without him (or the pets) and that my life is harder but also richer and fuller with him in it.

I wish I hadn't had my son ,not because I don't love him but because I don't think I've been a good mother to him .
I was over anxious about stuff like schools and exams and his lack of friends .
He's 30 now ,still at home ,2 or 3 good friends but never had a relationship .Works .Seems happy .Games too much for my taste .
So what have I done by bringing up this lovely sweet boy ,what will his future hold ?

My boys drive me nuts at times but I adore being in their presence and I couldn't imagine life without them. Child free life was great, but even with all the challenges that life with children brings, I wouldn't give it up.

Crap excuse

I don't regret having them but was my life a million times easier before having them? Definitely.

It's so hard being needed all the time. No one leaving me alone. They literally think I'm a child's entertainer and a slave.

I wouldn't change it for the world but I do need a week off from them!!

@PuttingOnTheKitsch

I’ll agree I had children with a bellend who I am now separated from. But otherwise that doesn’t apply. Mine are now 10 and 13 and I quite often think it’s harder than ever. One is autistic and currently suffering from chronic anxiety, and the other suffers from constantly playing second fiddle to the autistic child (or certainly feels like that).

I love the bones of the them, but the time I have away from them (50% coparenting) is awesome and feels like real living. Compared to the constant bickering and peacekeeping I have to do when I’m with them.

I don’t know if I regret having children, but if I could go back I’m not sure I’d do it again.

Agree completely. I wouldn't repeat my experience.

Never, personally, but I suppose how much of your old life have given up.

I held off until mid 30s, had a long and stable relationship with DP before having kids. My best friends were in kid mode, so we saw each other less often as it was and felt a sense of ennui with my life, so it was the right time for me. Went back to work FT, so didn't give up my career.

Holidays are different and I laugh at the types of hotels that are now attractive to me (that I wouldn't be seen dead in years ago), but kids are small for a very short time and it won't last forever.

Should add, I only have one and will stick at one child!

No regrets here. I'd definitely have kids again if I started over. They are my favourite people to be with.