To regret having children?

[Cinderellasslipper]

Anyone else miss being childfree?

YABU - no way

YANBU - yes I have regrets too

Too quickly. I miss Bing!

The early years are hard. You feel stuck sometimes. But now mine is 6 I miss it so much.

Bloody Chuggingtons are driving me to distraction at the moment! And Tish Tash - what IS that!?

@DixonD - you miss Bing?! Are you quite well?

Quite apart from the utterly laughable anecdata that couples without children are more likely to stay together, and having babies wrecks your body - both untrue in my experience - especially with me and that of most women I know, I have noticed a running theme in this type of thread ...

Many of the childfree, do NOT like it when someone with children is very happy with their husband or wife, they have a great marriage, and they are still together after 30 or 40 years or more and still happy (like me and my DH.) In addition, they cannot POSSIBLY get their head around the fact that MANY people are very happy they had children, they love them to bits, and they would not change a thing.

It doesn't fit their 'children ruin your life!' agenda. I mean just how DARE you not have a shit life when you have children??? Everyone I know hates their kids, and even my own mother!!!' LMFAO! 😂They actually seem quite annoyed at the idea of people being happily married, and STAYING happily married, even when they have had CHILDREN! 😁And God FORBID a woman's body still looks good after having children. Noooooo, can't have that!!! PMSL, some posts on here are so ludicrous!

Same can be said for the doom-mongers who regret having their children. Refuse to believe anyone has had a different experience to them, and is actually very happy. Just can't accept it, because that has not been THEIR experience. It's too bad your experience of marriage and children has not been what you imagined, but don't assume everyone else's experience is the same!!!

Me and DH have 2 kids btw. Both late 20s now! Left home about 8 to 10 years ago.

What a ridiculous outlook you have, with a very negative judgement of childfree people.

Those who are childfree do not have an 'agenda' and genuinely couldn't care less how long you've been married for or how much you love (or regret) your kids.

They just don't want kids themselves. It's not any more complex than that.

I do think that there is definitely a bit of an odd agenda on MN sometimes - agenda probably isn’t quite the right word, but not sure how else to put it - for those without children to gleefully jump on these sorts of threads and tell us all how right they were and how wrong we were.

But the problem with that is they are not us. I don’t find every moment of child rearing pleasurable: far from it, but I have also always known that I want a family around me. So I will power through the tough early years, in the same way that you diet because you want the long term results I suppose.

Neither do I think everything about having children is miserable. But I do think relentless sums it up, you can’t just take it easy. Nursery helps in this respect!

I am due another in July and I don’t doubt there will be a new set of challenges but love for my children keeps me sane (just about) - equally I don’t expect or want others to make the same decisions I did, but please don’t tell me how awful my life is. It isn’t!

Many of the childfree, do NOT like it when someone with children is very happy with their husband or wife, they have a great marriage, and they are still together after 30 or 40 years or more and still happy (like me and my DH.) In addition, they cannot POSSIBLY get their head around the fact that MANY people are very happy they had children, they love them to bits, and they would not change a thing.

TBH I think it goes the other way too. People with kids often don’t like it when someone is happily childfree. They want to be able to pity them. They cannot possibly get their head around the fact that some people can be very happy without children, even if originally they wanted them.

No but regularly fantasise about putting them on pause so i could have a break without worrying about them back home !!!

@Getinajollymood

I do think that there is definitely a bit of an odd agenda on MN sometimes - agenda probably isn’t quite the right word, but not sure how else to put it - for those without children to gleefully jump on these sorts of threads and tell us all how right they were and how wrong we were.

Yep this. ^ Methinks the ladies doth protest too much. And as I said, they can't STAND it when people are HAPPY with their children, HAPPY with their relationship, and have NOT lost their figure. I think it irks them. Shame.

This is how I feel too. It's been far easier and more enjoyable than these sorts of posts on Mumsnet led me to believe. I liked my life before having a child (and would have been okay with a childfree life). However, I also enjoy my life since having a baby.

I also still have a good career and I don't feel as though my baby has stolen my identity.

No regrets whatsoever - admittedly I'm only at the toddler stage, though.

I don't like to hear about any marriages failing especially when children are involved. I find it sad that so many children have divorced parents.

Considering the divorce rate is almost 50% and the majority of couples have children that is a hell of a lot of couples with children whose marriages fail and then, far too often, their children suffer.

I personally never said anything about women losing their figure. Lots of women have fantastic figures after having children. I said about the damage done to a woman's body and, sorry, but it is well known that childbirth does fairly often cause damage in one way or another even if it is only a weak bladder (although that is bad enough).

Of course many women don't regret having children but plenty do. Some are brave enough to admit it but many are not.

Absolutely, some parents have to shout how happy they are (...not convincing anyone) as those childfree happily living their lives, minding their own business, offend them. It's crazy. They maybe protest too much?

It's interesting reading through all these comments and learning how people experience this differently.
I honestly love my toddler ds but if I could turn the clock back I wouldn't do it knowing what I know now. For me it's mostly all shit, boring, repetitive, exhausting having to do everything. Home life now is so stressful. My dh is always grumpy these days too, never used to be like this.
The thought of having another personally fills me with horror

I don’t see any reasons why we need to argue over this. If the couples decide to have no kids and think “they have made the best choice” so be it. So as the couples decide to have kid(s) and think “they have the best choice” ! No need to argue and convince people to have or not have kids, and also no need to make the others feel worse off with their choices.
For the couples decided not to have kids, it’s maybe better off for the “imaginary kids” not to have these “miserable” couples as parents anyway!

This is a perfect example of a parent should not decide to have kid in the first place!

I’ve said upthread that I am happy for those who are happy to be parents. I just don’t understand why they can’t be happy for those of us who ate happily childfree.

I miss being single more...

Thing is it’s the people that are struggling that initiate posts! Giving an enormously skewed view of parenthood. No one is going to start a thread saying “my teens are lovely and my Dh is great” are they?

I rest my case.

Dd 2 was a horror as a toddler. She's now in primary school and is lovely company. The toddler stage doesn't last. Unless your child has disabilities, the sleep-deprived stage doesn't last either.

As for your DH being grumpy all the time, why is that the fault of a small child? I'd be regretting the DH, not the child.

Awful answer. And pretty rude/ offensive too.

I hope you’re ok, OP.

I have two much longed for children, conceived after a long time of infertility and IVF. I love them with all my heart and wouldn’t change a thing but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t occasionally think longingly back to my child free days - the freedom, the extra money, time to myself etc. We visited my family in my hometown for Christmas and I really missed the days when I could just take myself off for a walk, go for a coffee or go to the pub with friends on a whim - I can still do all of those things now but it takes a lot more planning and help! I don’t regret having children at all, but I think it’s human nature to look back at other happy times of our life with some longing.

Yes, of course, childfree people are all miserable bastards that hate children.

Yes I regret it. Unlike a lot of people, I found the early years a joy. I had those fabled incredible sleeping babies, straight through from the day I got back from hospital, I had to dream feed. Very happy and smiley, moving onto happy, smiley toddlers.

Then it became clear that they had ADHD. School and home became problematic, although they were still happy (and wild). Then the constant attempts by school to control their twitchy behaviour (never aggressive) caused a negativity spiral that basically depressed them.

Then the anger started at home, the school refusal, the defiance at school. The suspensions, the permanent exclusion.

Home life is shit most of the time. DH and I are still together, just. Obviously we have good moments, but that's all they are, moments.

I think when it comes to regretting having kids, an awful lot depends on what your kids are like.

It also depends on what your parenting style is like, if you give them almost every minute of your day then of course it will be relentless drudgery.

Plus life and parenting has challenges never seen before. Too much pressure, too much social media, too much helicoptering, too much of everything.

I agree. I feel like they're almost trying to over compensate. It's very strange that someone should care if someone else has children or not.

It's not really that strange. People like having their own choices validated by other people.
People have admitted on here that they regret having kids, they might not want to say that in real life though, especially to someone who does not have kids.
I worry that I have brought children into a terrible world. I kind of hope they don't have kids. But if no one has kids the world will just stop, and the older years of those with and without children will be misery as society slowly grinds to a halt.
So those without children should be glad that someone is having children at least, and maybe that works both ways.