To regret having children?

[Cinderellasslipper]

Anyone else miss being childfree?

YABU - no way

YANBU - yes I have regrets too

this seems to have triggered you 🙄

I don't regret my son but sometimes I do think it would be nice to have a weekend completely to myself! I often think it's expectation versus reality. Like, you expect a day at a park to be wonderful and kids running around playing, laughing and happy but the reality is usually far from it!

Mine are older now but they are the light of my life.

“I have never envied childless women”

In the above, you use “childless” although the poster you quoted used the term “childfree”. I wonder why? 😆

@Flapjackquack in that sense it is definitely easier. The involvement hour to hour is definitely less as they get older and you can enjoy doing stuff with them more as they walk and are generally in control of their emotions.

It's not the children, it's the situation, small family units where mother ( and sometimes father) sacrifices themselves way more than nature intended.

Yeah I think this is definitely a factor. I don’t think small nuclear families with geographically distant/disinterested grandparents, cousins, and other relatives is the ideal really.

The words have entirely different connotations, as you must realise. If you are childfree it implies choice and YOUR decision. Childless suggests you have list out which is a pretty unpleasant idea in my opinion.

Re. childfree v childless.

…you have lost out

Interesting. Childfree is a positive for those who use that term, childless is generally not…..

Yes, as Cam says, why substitute that poster’s choice of ‘childfree’ for ‘childless’?

Why would you even need the feel the need to tell childfree women your opinion on their choice? They really don’t need your faux validation.

YABU. That ship has sailed for anyone with children. Unless you give them up for adoption.

Mine are a bit older, 11 and 16. I'm still tied to them and deep down I'm screaming to get my independence back.

I sometimes wonder if the reason women with older children don't complain as much (on here at least) is that the whole experience has diminished them so much that they can't even find their own voice.

It gets easier as they get older but I hate being tethered. I think there is a deep human need to be untethered, but societal structures tether and saddle mothers for far too long.

I think the concepts of freedom and indivudal independence and autonomy are important. And they are highly emphasised in our individualistic, capitalist society, which partly explains (only partly) the growing number of people choosing not to have families.

At the same time, I think the importance of making strong social connections, community, and establishing a larger purpose to one’s existence are undervalued concepts. Which is not to say that having kids is the only way to fulfill those important human desires - far from it. But having kids is ONE fairly straightforward way to address those natural human instincts, which is why the vast majority of adults continue to do it - even though they understand it will often leave them overworked, with less cash and free time at their disposal!

Interestingly though, people who have kids and people who are child free always assume knowledge of what “ the other side” would be like. But the truth is neither of them know. The child free side largely only see the work involved, and basically nothing of the incomparable strength of positive emotions which the vast majority of parents get to experience raising a child. While the parents can only imagine at what notable things they may have achieved or done (if any) with all the extra hours/dosh they would otherwise have had at their disposal … though perhaps the top 1% with their hired cooks and cleaners get to experience the best of both!

@the worldhas

I had my children late (40s) and before that had a good life, professional job and freedom so I do know what it's like to be child free.

I also see that women who are child free by choice often have a very accurate insight into the realities of motherhood.

It's hard work but no regrets here. It's hard work but totally worth it. If I have a choice to be kid free or with kid again, a million time will be with DS again and again. Life isn't rosy all the time of course - either pre-kid or now with kid. Definitely only one for us though. Looking forward to when he gets older so we can enjoy a bit of luxury/travel and a lot more of our time back.

I’m bemused by how threatened some mums here by childfree mums, to the point of calling them ‘douches’. It’s almost like they can’t bear the idea that childfree women may want different things.

*childfree women

Your life changes after you’ve had children. Fact. No more uninterrupted peace, no more spur of the moment trips, no more uninterrupted sleep, no more anything which is relaxing and you are the focus

I guess your children are still quite young? Mine are 15 and 18 and we've had our life 'back' for some time now. We do everything we used to do either with or without the boys. Life is good and we have never regretted having kids for one minute.

If you’d read the rest of the post you’re quoting you’d know she was childfree.

No, I’ve had 13 miscarriages and looking at a future without any kids makes me wonder what the point of the rest of my life actually is.

I’m really sorry for all your losses. But your life having a point or not does not depend on whether you have children or not. Things will get better.

I also see that women who are child free by choice often have a very accurate insight into the realities of motherhood.

Yup. I had a front and centre insight and was like no thanks! Oddly enough men used to dangle the prospect of eternal singleness to terrify women to essentially settle, they are now rattled that the women are actually okay with that fate.

What I will say is there is very good reason why married men and single childfree women have longer lives with reports of greater satisfaction with their lot.

It took years to have DD, lots of sacrifices and fertility treatment. During that time I thought a lot about what I wanted my life to look like and it was always with a child in it. There have been hard times but mostly it’s been amazing and just gets better and better (she’s 1 year old though, maybe I’ll feel differently in the teen years!)

We are one and done though, as I’m not sure if I would regret having more.