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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be angry that my family banned me from Christmas for having covid

768 replies

tantrumingcoldchild · 02/01/2023 02:42

I flew 4000 miles to see my parents for Christmas. I unfortunately have to live in a different country from them.

I am asymptomatic but had to test due to being exposed to someone with COVID.

My parent was supposed to pick me up from the airport but decided not to after the positive test.

I see my parent once a year at most. They don't travel to see me. My parent and the rest of their family went ahead with the celebration but I was uninvited.

Fortunately, my other parent picked me up and let me stay with them (my parents are divorced)

They have agreed to meet me in a park tomorrow for an hour, which will be the extent of my time with them for the next year.

AIBU to consider this relationship basically over?

OP posts:
diddl · 02/01/2023 09:13

tantrumingcoldchild · 02/01/2023 04:16

@Undertheoldlindentree the other parent does travel to see me. The one who uninvited me doesn't.

Sounds as if you might as well drop the uninterested parent then.

ichundich · 02/01/2023 09:13

luckylavender · 02/01/2023 08:46

Rubbish. People with contagious illnesses should stay at home. Always. Very selfish to just carry on. Who wants to get ill?

Show quote history

Can you read? OP didn't have covid when she left home.

echt · 02/01/2023 09:13

Wheresthebeach · 02/01/2023 08:58

OP I’m glad your other parent stepped in and you were able to see them. I’m surprised so many people would say ‘tough shit’ to their child who had flown thousands of miles to see them.

Literally no-one has suggested "tough shit" to their child.

Confusion101 · 02/01/2023 09:13

If I had a vomiting bug I wouldn't go.
If I had a cold I wouldn't go.
So I don't see why you would still attend if you had covid.
They are contagious. They cause your loved varying degrees of illness. So why would you want to put your family at risk like that??

Orangebike · 02/01/2023 09:16

tantrumingcoldchild · 02/01/2023 02:55

@Floralnomad i spent thousands of pounds and took a lot of time off work to travel with my young child to see them. Everyone involved is vaccinated and has had COVID. I think that this demonstrates that they don't care much about me.

They’re vaccinated and have had covid? Then they’re being paranoid.

If I hadn’t seen my child who lived 4000 miles away in that long, no way covid would stop me if I were vaccinated and have had the virus (which I have).

Wouldn’t stop me anyway now - we have to live with this thing, it’s not 2021 anymore!

Brefugee · 02/01/2023 09:17

i spent thousands of pounds and took a lot of time off work to travel with my young child to see them. Everyone involved is vaccinated and has had COVID. I think that this demonstrates that they don't care much about me.

piffle. Utter piffle. You tested positive and they don't want to take the chance. Not catching an entirely unpredictable illness with several horrible variants currently spreading is their choice to make for themselves, not one for you to make for them.

Distance and cost is a huge PITA for you, but neither here nor there when it comes to: their body their choice.

You say it shows how they don't care about you. I think it is entirely the opposite. You don't care if they potentially catch a debilitating illness because you made a bit of an effort.

Maybe they didn't want to meet up more with you (under covid safe conditions) is because you kicked up such a hissy fit when they told you?

cookiesbeforepookies · 02/01/2023 09:21

Maybe they didn't want to meet up more with you (under covid safe conditions) is because you kicked up such a hissy fit when they told you?

They’ve offered to meet for an hour in the park. They can fuck right off hopefully.

passiveaggressivenonsense · 02/01/2023 09:21

They were unreasonable. We've had family for Xmas and one case of Covid. The one with Covid wore a mask, we ventilated and I was careful cleaning door handles/ loos , hot wash on cups and cutlery etc. No one else caught it.

SnowlayRoundabout · 02/01/2023 09:22

Perhaps they reasonably don't want to risk contracting long Covid? It can be very nasty indeed.

silverclock222 · 02/01/2023 09:24

ichundich · 02/01/2023 09:13

Can you read? OP didn't have covid when she left home.

Show quote history

No, OP says almost definitely didn't have it. Almost.

silverclock222 · 02/01/2023 09:25

OP, AIBU? 81% yes, OP, no I'm not. Username says it all.

luckylavender · 02/01/2023 09:26

@ichundich - in this example 'at home' means the hotel

Rainbowsparkles29 · 02/01/2023 09:26

OP it's really quite unclear at what point of the illness you would have been at. It does make a difference. If you'd been at day 5 or more I would say family are overreacting a bit and I would have had you as a guest and let other family make their own choice. Day 4 or less I would probably not be keen to share a stuffy room for prolonged periods with you. Either way if it was my child and GC I would've been sympathising deeply with you, dropping you off a Christmas dinner at least and making plans to spoil you before you left again so for this I think they ABU

It's ultimately their choice how much they want to expose themselves to infection but I'd let them know how much this has inconvenienced you and be making it very clear that if they want to see you again then it'll be in your home country so they better get saving

If your parents have always been apathetic towards you then grant them the same favour back. Don't lift a toe to help them or facilitate them seeing you or your GC. Just live your own best life. You don't need them. Concentrate on the child who needs you x

Rainbowsparkles29 · 02/01/2023 09:31

You don't care if they potentially catch a debilitating illness because you made a bit of an effort.

Come on this is clearly downplaying it. She's travelled presumably for many hours with a small child and she's probably spent a fortune. This is the kind of thing people save up years for. It's not 'a bit of an effort' and it's not an effort I'd be willing to be making if my family didn't at least act like they want me there...

Dontwakeme · 02/01/2023 09:32

I completely understand your frustration OP. Personally I wouldn’t have tested in your circumstances knowing this may have been the reaction. Where I live you can’t even get tests easily now at all, even healthcare staff are not encouraged to test - revert back to standard practice, if you are unwell you are unwell regardless if covid or not.
If I were you I’d also be sharing my disappointment with family and wouldn’t be rushing to travel to them again.

Choconut · 02/01/2023 09:33

tantrumingcoldchild · 02/01/2023 02:59

@CharlotteRose90 I was perfectly healthy when I left. I probably picked it up from family in the other city.

If you were asymptomatic then you have no idea if you were healthy when you left home or if you already had it. It's hardly your parents fault you had it, you might as well blame the person with covid that you were exposed to. I wouldn't want someone with covid staying with me any more than I'd want someone with the flu staying with me - and especially as your parents are over 60 I think it's very selfish of you to think you should stay with them.

Heronwatcher · 02/01/2023 09:34

Some people are genuinely still terrified of covid and I am amazed you can’t understand that.

Plumbear2 · 02/01/2023 09:34

I would have asked you not to come aswell. My sister is currently very ill with COVID, someone else I know is in hospital on a ventilator. You need to realise it is you who is unreasonable.

maddy68 · 02/01/2023 09:34

I also live in a different country.
It costs a lot ofo ey to fly home to see parents. But there is no way I would go an visit them of I had covid. Because I care about them how selfish of you to think that was acceptable. I know it's difficult when now we just treat it as a flu.

RampantIvy · 02/01/2023 09:36

Northernsouloldies · 02/01/2023 05:30

I'm struggling to understand the 'left in bad position at airport because it was several hundred miles away'. If you landed at Heathrow for example that means they would have to reside at the northern tip of Scotland. Mmm thinking this is exaggerated or simply not true.

We don't know which country the OP flew to. It might not be the UK.

Georginathatsme · 02/01/2023 09:37

tantrumingcoldchild · 02/01/2023 03:04

@Wombat100 grow up?

I can tell you that I won't be pissing away thousands of pounds to try to see them again.

Why post and ask if you are being unreasonable, when you have already made your decision? You are perhaps not certain it’s the right thing to do if you are here questioning it, otherwise you would just make that decision in your mind and move on

clairelouwho · 02/01/2023 09:39

YABU regarding the Covid situation. Some people are still anxious about Covid and would much rather not catch it and not be around someone that is knowingly positive for it-than risk it.

I personally wouldn't be all that bothered-ideally, I'd not be around someone who was ill with an infectious virus, but sometimes it does happen, but I accept that everyone else is entitled to set their own boundaries/comfort levels even if they differ wildly from my own.

YANBU in relation to the other things you've mentioned. It's clear that this isn't your only gripe with this parent, and I'm sorry for the situation. It must be really tough, especially when you're the one putting in all the effort to get so little back.

If I was in your shoes, I'd be focusing on maintaining the good relationship with your other parent and pull back from the uninterested parent. Not saying I'd go NC, just LC and not go out of my way to see them and let them put some of the effort in. If you start pulling back, you'll be able to see what they do in response. That'll tell you all you need to know.

MarshaBradyo · 02/01/2023 09:42

I’m not sure op will be back to answer but I’m intrigued re tye testing part. Were you in a country where people are readying regularly?

I assume I’m exposed to Covid quite a bit but it wouldn’t cross my mind to test. If I travelled I’d do it if required but otherwise I wouldn’t, especially if asymptomatic

MarshaBradyo · 02/01/2023 09:42

Testing regularly..

SallyWD · 02/01/2023 09:43

If I was you I would have refused to see my parents after testing positive, even if they really wanted to. I know people who've died of Covid and people still suffering from long Covid nearly 3 years later later. My wasted air fare would be nothing compared to potentially making my parents ill for a very long time.
I am genuinely really shocked at your attitude.