To be angry that my family banned me from Christmas for having covid

[tantrumingcoldchild]

I flew 4000 miles to see my parents for Christmas. I unfortunately have to live in a different country from them.

I am asymptomatic but had to test due to being exposed to someone with COVID.

My parent was supposed to pick me up from the airport but decided not to after the positive test.

I see my parent once a year at most. They don't travel to see me. My parent and the rest of their family went ahead with the celebration but I was uninvited.

Fortunately, my other parent picked me up and let me stay with them (my parents are divorced)

They have agreed to meet me in a park tomorrow for an hour, which will be the extent of my time with them for the next year.

AIBU to consider this relationship basically over?

I think it’s 2 things really. I can understand if your parents are so scared of Covid and they are isolating, avoiding gatherings, etc but they still went ahead and threw a party.
There could have been a lot of asymptomatic people at the party who they would have been mixing with or people who are positive and decided not to test or not to tell and they would have mixed with them anyway. Because of that, I feel they are quite mean.
Like I won’t just leave my child high and dry after travelling for so long in the airport, I’ll find a way to get them, maybe we all wear masks, we leave the car window open and they sit at the back etc and then if maybe rent an hotel room close to me where they can self isolate and I can still see them in the park daily, bring them some of the Christmas meal, etc. like they’ve spent so much to come and see me.
I know some people are still so paranoid about covid which is okay as you can’t really tell people how to react but with your parents still went ahead and threw a party so I feel they just can’t be bothered with you. I won’t be coming to see that parent in a hurry, maybe once every 5 years now.

I'd have seen you but it seems like a lot of people are still determined never to live normally again. Seeing my kid who lives so far away and who has made that kind of journey trumps the possibility that I might be off colour for a few days.

I'm with you OP. I live 5 mins from my mum but she'd still want me there at Christmas even if I had asymptomatic covid. I cannot imagine being turned away, let alone stranded at an airport.

But then, my family are in contact with various colds, flu and covid on a daily basis (2 teachers and a TA) so we're pretty relaxed about it now. The first few times of "miss, I tested positive for covid last night" were unnerving but you get over that reasonably quick when you've got no choice!

I know several (3 close to me - several acquaintances) people that have had long Covid for over two years. It’s destroyed their finances due to not being able to work in the same way as before. Has left them depressed and with much depleted social lives. It’s essentially left them with a disability. All were in their 40s, fit, healthy and active with good careers.

It’s Covid your family didn’t want, not you. It would be a total shame to end relationships over this.

OP, no, YANBU.

Tell us, is this your dad who has remarried? Did you mum let you stay with her? I truly hope it's this way round.

Again, YANBU.

i have caught Covid as the result of a Christmas guest not telling me they had Covid. I sat next to them and they started coughing I assumed it was a cold but unfortunately it was Covid. I caught it and am really unwell as have an underlying illness that makes complications more likely

i had it 3 months ago too and am triple vaxed. Now as a result of having it I have to work out whether I will be well enough to look after my DS dogs this week as he is taking his wife on a birthday surprise getaway. I can understand your parents reaction to be honest as everything has a knock on effect so me catching it could mean my DS can’t take his wife away as too late to arrange alternative dog sitters

Come on this is clearly downplaying it. She's travelled presumably for many hours with a small child and she's probably spent a fortune.

well if you had quoted the rest of my post you'd have seen that i did sympathise.

And clearly OP has issues with her family (dripfeed? maybe) but based on the original post and question, i still think she's being U. Understandably cross but as with all things: we cannot compel people to do things. Their bodies, their choice.

It is clear, if you test, that there may be consequences that you don't like. So the question is, really, why test? if you tested positive but would just carry on as normal, why test? (was it compulsory? I have had some low-level-exposure notifications - I'm in Germany - on my app. I haven't tested because i was with my DH and we don't go anywhere except the shops. And we wore masks, just to be a bit safer, and didn't get close to people.

If you test and negative - all good. carry on. But it's the positive result that must give people pause for thought.

I hav to applaud OP though for being honest with her family about it. Many people wouldn't. Given the history, is it a case of subconscious self-sabotage? who knows.

I would never do this my to my child either! The thought of not seeing them for ages makes me feel sad let alone if they had traveled to see me and then I didn’t try and work out a plan. I think people are being really hard on you in this thread.

Oh. And I have two friends currently ill with it. One has been in bed for over a week. The other is slowly getting better now.

it’s not ‘just feeling off colour’ for a great many people and we don’t know how to tell the difference.

I would never dream of expecting to stay with my family or friends if I’d tested positive (for anything) - I’d be devastated not to see them but would book a hotel and Skype them.

tbh if it were my child who had made the effort (and cost) of coming to visit, i would have gone to visit them if there were people in my household who were vulnerable or worried.

I certainly wouldn't only have suggested an hour in the park.
But. Since we don't know if OP threw all their toys out of the pram and had a bit of a tantrum, we can't be sure why this happened. If there is already estrangement it doesn't take much for some people to shut down exposure to the perceived toxic individual (in this case, sadly, that's maybe how the family see OP?)

so it's a bit shit. But from reading other pp, i also wonder if this is the dad / step-mum? or something like that

Some of these comments are ridiculously heartless and frankly narrow-minded. If my parents had travelled 4000 miles I wouldn't abandon them at the fucking airport. What on earth would you have done if your other parent wasn't there? Jesus christ. Everyone telling you to grow up - I feel sorry for your kids when they grow up! If they lived 100 miles away then uninviting them is fair. Not 4000 miles and having come all that way to see them.

Personally, I wouldn’t go and spend time indoors with anyone if I knowingly had covid and they didn’t. I would be much the same with flu, D&V etc. Regardless of the amount of time and cost of your travel, it is not your choice to make if other people feel comfortable sharing space and coming into close contact with you.

In your opening post you said you have to live in another country to them, why is that?

I would have made an allowance for the fact you travelled so far, spent so much money and had a child with you.
Unless they have vulnerabilities they were unreasonable and yes, I'd not be bothering to travel to them again.

You said your parent was supposed to pick you up from the airport.

But what do all this people do when someone in their household has covid?

Throw them out? Nuts.

This family didn't even bother to text or call when OP was by herself. Awful family.

I presume, it's dad who remarried and the wife can't be bothered with OP.

OP, what goes round comes round. Build a wonderful life for yourself, all those on here who say OP is unreasonable, do you go to work? Do you let your dc go to school? If yes you are all unreasonable because covid can be anywhere. So hypocritical. OP could have popped over wearing a mask and said hello on the patio or whatever for half an hour. Your family or step family were very rude indeed. If nothing else, why not have a video call? or drop a present off for you or similar?

i agree

My sister is not vulnerable but was very ill and still suffers from long COVID. My other sister who is not vulnerable has severe COVID right now. Someone else I know who is not vulnerable is in hospital on a ventilator. So absolutely I would not be seeing anyone with COVID, being vulnerable is not a factor it can severely affect anyone

I agree op. I have lived with all my family members whilst they had covid and I certainly would not turn away my child especially if I rarely see them and they had travelled a long distance. That is a bizarre and cruel reaction, even pre vaccine. But post vaccine is horrible way for family to behave

I’m surprised at the replies. My family and I live in separate countries and are all on the cautious end when it comes to Covid. I imagine in this scenario we’d agree that I’d mask up and stay in a different part of the house. They wouldn’t want to miss seeing me and they would at the very least helot to make alternative arrangements for me in terms of transportation and a place to stay.

Yes it's a strange turn of phrase isn't it?

As the other divorced parent is in the same country I'm guessing it's the OP who has moved 4000 miles away rather than the parents who emigrated. I kind of think this is relevant to whether they would see her or not

And that is the crux of the issue here. I can't imagine not making any effort to include you in some way if you were my child, after all lots of people did the outside, distance socialising in the pandemic. It can done if the motivation is there. Doesn't seem like they checked up on you either.

You can't make uninterested people care and this must have hammered that home to you. In your court to how much effort you make with them now.

I wouldn’t have tested or told them I had anything. Too much money to waste over a sniffle.

I think it's bizarre and cruel to inflict COVID on other people.

OP, I'm 100% with your parents.