To be angry that my family banned me from Christmas for having covid

[tantrumingcoldchild]

I flew 4000 miles to see my parents for Christmas. I unfortunately have to live in a different country from them.

I am asymptomatic but had to test due to being exposed to someone with COVID.

My parent was supposed to pick me up from the airport but decided not to after the positive test.

I see my parent once a year at most. They don't travel to see me. My parent and the rest of their family went ahead with the celebration but I was uninvited.

Fortunately, my other parent picked me up and let me stay with them (my parents are divorced)

They have agreed to meet me in a park tomorrow for an hour, which will be the extent of my time with them for the next year.

AIBU to consider this relationship basically over?

What an irrelevant post. She DID tell them she has it.

And telling her she should be thankful is so patronising. Get some empathy.

What a rude post. She makes perfect sense.

OP I’d be so disappointed too. Did you know they felt like this before you travelled? I wouldn’t bother going to the park today to be honest and just go home!!

I would be furious if my parents did that to me. I don’t blame you OP for being upset. I suspect there is a reason that you decided to live in a different country to them, and I suspect this isn’t the first time your parents have treated you like that. If it was my kid that I hadn’t seen for a year I wouldn’t have cared if they had covid, it would have just been like if they had a virus or something and I would have looked after them - not excluded them from Xmas day! I would have done the complete opposite. I’m sorry your parents are crap.

Yeah I’m surprised they left you to sort out accommodation. I’d have my child sick or not, and have them self isolate in a room. Just like I have with my teenage dd when she’s been sick. You don’t just leave someone who’s travelled thousands of miles o fend for themselves.

Well, you bloody didn’t catch it then because it takes days to show up on a test. YABU and ridiculous and selfish. Your poor parents. Why did you test if you weren’t going to do anything differently? Why did you tell them if you didn’t think it mattered?

To be fair, OP doesn’t make any sense.

1. She’s angry that she wasted thousands of pounds to see her parents when, back in reality, she saw a whole bunch of other relatives too and actually wasn’t that bothered about seeing her parents at all - ergo, no money actually wasted.
2. She tested to see if she had covid even though she doesn’t think it matters whether or not she has it and she didn’t have any symptoms.
3. She told her family she had covid even though she didn’t think that they’d mind or that it’d make any difference.
4. She’s refused to accept she’s being unreasonable but pretended to accept it - literally “everyone says I’m being unreasonable but I’m doing the same thing I’d have done either way”.
5. She’s dripfed why her parents are awful people anyway as people always conveniently do when they’re “losing”.
6. She’s annoyed that they’re seeing her in a park but has said she’d have been perfectly happy to see everyone on the porch…but no explanation what the difference is there (because there isn’t one).

So, no, her behaviour doesn’t actually make sense.

Well my love, as someone once said to me… “More fool you.”

yup, I was shocked too tbh. 😄

she continued “why would you expect anything different from someone who’s never been any different towards you”

fair point i thought.

sure it hurts like nothing else. But it’s time to face facts. That parent is never going to be the parent you want/need them to be. So drop the load. You don’t have to carry the weight in this relationship anymore.

meet them in the park IF YOU WANT TO, otherwise tell em you’ll see them another time. Petty, maybe but fuck it. A dose of their own medicine won’t kill them.

have you ever seen the thread on here in relationships? But we took you to Stately Homes

it’s for those of us who don’t have the parents we need to have.

Your choice. I always wonder about people who have illnesses and carry on because it suits them. And I've always thought this, long before COVID. I don't want anyone's cold / flu / stomach upset etc etc. Stay at home.

Rubbish. People with contagious illnesses should stay at home. Always. Very selfish to just carry on. Who wants to get ill?

If you bother to read op's comments she stayed a few days elsewhere on her trip and caught covid then.

@tantrumingcoldchild my dd was supposed to fly to us and caught covid the week before, we were lucky that she could rearrange her flying out date although it gave her less time with us.
The covid test had a faint line on the day she flew out but we were prepared to take the risk and told our friends locally we wouldn't be mixing with them for 2 weeks to be sure we didn't inadvertently pass covid on.
We were all fine.
I can't conceive of not seeing my dc in your circumstances.

I wouldn't abandon my family member who'd gone to the expense and time to visit me.
There would be some precautions like windows open and maximising time outside.
My children get ill, I care for them. I don't exile them to save my own skin.

We never saw MiL again as a family. Last visit was our routine trip in Oct 2019. We went over in summer 2021. Plans were on/ off as travel restrictions flip/flopped around, and by the time we could legally go over, her health was very fragile and she was subject to strict carehome restrictions. For her last year she flipped between the control of care homes/ hospital and family visits were not viable again. She died summer 2022. She had no immune system left. Anything could (and did) kill her. All the infection control measures did was eek out a long, painful, tedious decline towards the inevitable while removing the opportunity to see family again. My DSs were 6 & 8 the final time they saw her alive. They were 9 &11 when they got to see her lying in an open casket.

Healthy people who willingly shun their family for years over fear of a routine, common illness (there's a lot more out there as damaging and can't be tested for) absolutely mystify me. They have no right to complain when the results of their actions is for their former loved ones is to leave them to it.

Horrible situation, obviously, but I would never put my parents at risk. I'm not sure why you would want to willingly expose them, or anyone else, to it. My very healthy fitness mad aunt was vaccinated and ended up in ICU with Covid and she's only in her 40s.

It affects people different ways. While you jet off home again, you could leave one of the them seriously ill. I don't really understand that, regardless of financial implications. Rather than show that they don't care about you, it shows that they don't care about them.

We all tested this Xmas including 8 visiting US relatives who would have abandoned xmas day if there were positives as we have vulnerable and older people in our midst.
last years xmas was cancelled for a positive test.

Our entire Christmas has been ruined by Covid. Me, DH and 3 year old DD have been unable to function for 9 days now. Really, really unwell and it’s going nowhere. I wouldn’t want to see anyone with Covid either.
This isn’t about Covid, you obviously have a huge backstory with your family. That’s fine, but don’t blame Covid. Their behaviour regarding that is right. They might be awful in other ways.

OP I’m glad your other parent stepped in and you were able to see them. I’m surprised so many people would say ‘tough shit’ to their child who had flown thousands of miles to see them.

I did read her comments and they make no sense. She didn’t catch it when travelling to see her parents if she tested positive at the airport near her parents. She might have caught it when she flew to see other relatives days earlier but she explicitly said she thinks she caught it when going to see her parents - which was immediately prior to taking the test.

Why did you not talk this through with them before you ever set out? You could simply have asked what they would do. Also frankly what was your plan for if you caught it while travelling? When we reunited with family we had made a plan, and as it turned out we needed it - as you have done. But it was easier because we’d spoken about it and no one was surprised by anyone else’s feelings about it.

How and why did you get on a plane knowing you had COVID?

Why did you do the covid test? Was it compulsory? How did you expect things to be if the test was positive? I wouldn't knowingly expose myself or anyone else to covid or any other contagious illness

Agreed

Did you even read the post I repied to? I said @Badger1970 makes perfect sense.

Honestly, this place 🙄

Same. It's bonkers.

It's a horrible situation OP and I have empathy both sides, there are no easy answers here, and the issues are obviously bigger than this one incident. However, I do feel sorry for your other parent who has taken the risk and put you up that you are now saying there is no point flying in in future of there is a risk of this happening again. Isn't the parent who has taken considerable risks for you worthy of effort anyway?

Can I ask who it was who emigrated in the first place - you or your parents? You say you 'have' to live in a different country, but someone must have taken the decision to move initially and I think it's their responsibility to shoulder more (not all) of the cost and inconvenience of travel to see each other to be honest. So that would partly affect my view.

Assuming you tested, so if you are positive you can stay away from others who don’t want covid. Otherwise there was no reason for you to test. So if you tested and were positive that’s that then. No point being angry at your parents. Be angry at getting covid!