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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be angry that my family banned me from Christmas for having covid

768 replies

tantrumingcoldchild · 02/01/2023 02:42

I flew 4000 miles to see my parents for Christmas. I unfortunately have to live in a different country from them.

I am asymptomatic but had to test due to being exposed to someone with COVID.

My parent was supposed to pick me up from the airport but decided not to after the positive test.

I see my parent once a year at most. They don't travel to see me. My parent and the rest of their family went ahead with the celebration but I was uninvited.

Fortunately, my other parent picked me up and let me stay with them (my parents are divorced)

They have agreed to meet me in a park tomorrow for an hour, which will be the extent of my time with them for the next year.

AIBU to consider this relationship basically over?

OP posts:
CantGetDecentNickname · 03/01/2023 19:03

Can't believe some of the nasty comments on here and some of the refusals to believe that OP didn't set off initially with Covid, not to mention was responsible in testing once they knew they had been in contact which is something a lot of people are refusing to bother to do now. I do agree that the DPs would not have wanted to put OP up while they had it and that this is understandable, but they could have helped OP to find a place to stay instead. The clincher for me is from one of OP's own posts:

"I was supposed to see them/stay with them/etc but when I told them that I had COVID they basically said that they didn't want to see me. I replied that I would make alternative arrangements and then I heard nothing more from them for three days."

They didn't even send a text in the next couple of days to check that OP was ok and not ill. Who wouldn't follow up with their own DC if they had tested positive? This does show that they don't really care and I'd be saying that I couldn't afford to visit in the future. Sorry OP.

JustAnotherManicNameChange · 03/01/2023 19:05

Bekstar · 03/01/2023 18:56

If you want to travel for Christmas in future I recommend you consider isolation times and where you would isolate in your plans. Instead of asking your family to literally roll over and die for you.

Oh get over yourself!

Loula271 · 03/01/2023 19:06

You obvs don't think you are being unreasonable but I don't get why you asked if you are unwilling to accept others opinions.

justasking111 · 03/01/2023 19:07

Flu is more serious and common than covid this winter.

Twillow · 03/01/2023 19:08

Well, your username says it all. You are having a tantrum and are completely unable to see it from their pov - you have said that you are still pissed off even after you've seen them and realised they are genuinely terrified. Please don't cut off your nose to spite your face. They want to come and visit you in your country of residence - that's great isn't it? Is anything about your behaviour the reason they haven't visited before, have you considered?

ichundich · 03/01/2023 19:09

Sundayvibes · 03/01/2023 18:44

You’ve had Covid 6 times and nearly died 3 times?

Really??

Show quote history

The mind boggles.

Gagaandgag · 03/01/2023 19:13

Hopeistaysane · 03/01/2023 18:46

I can understand your family being worried about catching COVID. However I can’t understand the way you were treated, ignored and abandoned by a parent. I think it’s quite disgusting and I can understand that you must have felt very hurt and rejected. I’m afraid I wouldn’t want to waste my money, time or holiday on family that couldn’t even be bothered to be supportive when I needed them most. My mum would never have done that to me. So sorry OP.

Yes Op I agree with this. Even if you had covid and they didn’t want to see you that is perfectly fine. What isn’t fine is the way they have treated with you with so little love and care. This is why you are upset and I get it x

AnnieSnap · 03/01/2023 19:13

You are being unreasonable, but not in thinking the relationship is over, but in condemning your family for refusing to spend time indoors with you when you have Covid. Vaccination protects us from becoming seriously ill and dying. It does not protect us from contracting the disease. It isn’t always mild these days. Omicron BA 5 is making people as ill as the first variant. DH and I have had/have it. We started 7 weeks ago. We were really ill in bed, both lost several days that we have no memory of. We are much better now, but still have little energy and strength, bad chests and coughs. I am being driven nuts by sore, itchy, watering eyes (apparently common wit Omicron). It’s simply unlucky that you contracted on a long, expensive trip to see your family, but good health is the most important thing we have. Your post makes it seem that you have only thought about yourself and your journey.

Danielle9891 · 03/01/2023 19:13

I'm surprised you'd even want to risk giving it to them. I nearly lost my dad to covid last year and he's only in his 50s. Why take the risk? I wouldn't let you in the house either.

I've just recovered from having covid over Christmas and New year and it was terrible the second time around. I've had 3 jabs and I had it in April but this time was 100% worst. I'm still not able to climb the stairs without being out of breath and coughing. I've got no health issues as well.

Maybe delay your return flight and see them then, once you've got over it. My partner only tested positive for 3 days.

Zanatdy · 03/01/2023 19:14

You’re being very unreasonable. What if your parent saw you anyway and caught covid and died. Would you be ok with that? Yes you’ve traveled thousands of miles and if you just had some symptoms and hadn’t tested positive I’d say they were OTT not seeing you, but with a positive test I can understand their viewpoint. You’re being very childish about it, and I feel for your parent.

ichundich · 03/01/2023 19:15

Pliudev · 03/01/2023 18:51

Sounds like you are looking for a reason not to bother visiting them again. Covid is not over and for some people has long term consequences. I can't understand or sympathise with anyone self centred enough to visit people knowing they may be passing it on. Maybe they should be deciding to go NC with you? I'm speaking personally here because someone tried to do what you describe to us this Christmas and I was lucky enough to prevent it happening.

It sounds as though they've had a lucky escape!

meins · 03/01/2023 19:17

It's such a shame and the timing is awful. I would be do disappointed. However I would not go to anyone's house if i knew that I had covid. You have done the decent thing and told them and they have said no. My parents would say no aswell. I feel your disappointment.

Caelan2018 · 03/01/2023 19:18

Just wondering what age you are?? You sound extremely self absorbed and selfish i had covid when my son was 7weeks old during summer 22 I defo wouldn't wish it on anyone I have never had a Headache or sore throat like it my sil sister just travelled from Canada and my sil got covid ans couldn't see her or spend them with them but she is not a selfish person like you .. imagine saying I am not spending money to come see them again!!THESE ARE YOUR PARENTS you only get one set of parents I get your annoyed but your post comes across totally selfish and horrible.... I feel sorry for them to be honest

Bekstar · 03/01/2023 19:18

Yes professionals will no longer tell you you can only catch it once.

I got it at beginning of pandemic and first time I was spent 4 weeks in hospital on oxygen. Ver close to being put in ventilator. I then caught it again in the March and this time spend two month in hospital and was on a ventilator, the third and fourth I was ill but managed to catch it early. 5th again I was on ventilator and spent nearly 3 month in hospital. I then caught it again but although I was ill managed to stay at home.

I was vaccinated after the first time and had every booster on time. Until COVID I was considered relatively healthy although I do have disabilities that don't affect breathing etc. I only had a very mild form of asthma that was triggered by pollen and plant allergy. Since then the affects of long covid have had a massive affect. I also suffered a pulmonary embolism since which has only added to the risk now.

It's a myth that it can only be contracted once even the world health organisation will tell you that's not the case. All the vaccines do is minimise the risks of serious health issues if you do contract it. It doesn't stop the spread only common sense will stop that.

Noodles1234 · 03/01/2023 19:18

You have spent a lot of money and time invested to see loved people, I can see you are understandably upset. This is the problem with Covid, and many are still very concerned about Covid (rightly / wrongly - depends on people’s views), whether people are vaccinated or not. Usually older people are more concerned as it affected this age group the worst. In some countries they are more flexible or worse when it comes to Covid. Was there a possibility of retesting every day to see if you were negative after arrival?
I would feel also upset, but your anger belongs to the disease, not your parents. It is annoying, but not worth ruining your relationships over.

Isthatyourname · 03/01/2023 19:19

YABU. Also you’re moaning about having to travel so far but sounds like you’re the one who moved 1000s of miles away so travelling to see people should be up to you.

FabFitFifties · 03/01/2023 19:19

YABU to expect to still stay with them. It sounds like they handled it terribly though - did they really not help you to make alternative arrangements, particularly as you travelled with their grandchild? I wouldn't argue or be unpleasant, but would leave initiating of contact up to them from now on (without saying so, so you can't be accused of a tantrum). It doesn't sound like they add much to your life.

BabyDriversMummy · 03/01/2023 19:19

tantrumingcoldchild · 02/01/2023 02:55

@Floralnomad i spent thousands of pounds and took a lot of time off work to travel with my young child to see them. Everyone involved is vaccinated and has had COVID. I think that this demonstrates that they don't care much about me.

My best friend is in really good health.
She has had 4 Covid jabs (two Boosters).
She has been horribly sick with Covid since Christmas. God only knows how ill she would have been if she’d not been vaccinated.

flirtygirl · 03/01/2023 19:21

Some people really didn't read any updates past the original post. They only really wanted to jump on op.

Op met up with them and is now negative, but still Meeting in a cold park. How unfeeling! Let alone no contact for 3 days after she let them know. Most people would be angry and upset apart from some idiots on here who saw the word covid and got very upset and forgot to use their critical thinking.

And yes I do know how dangerous covid is, long covid has wrecked my life, I've lost more people than most including my dad. That does not negate the ops right to be angry because her parent has been disinterested, uncaring and unfeeling.

Op don't bother visiting them again, bother with people who care about you like your other parent. And take this thread down. Don't let these idiots with agendas keep posting.

OMGyoucantbeserious · 03/01/2023 19:22

I feel really sorry for you. YANBU. Our Xmas was sort of cancelled last year because 2 family members had covid. This year, one did. We asked granny, who's 80, did she mind her DGS coming as he had Covid, asymptomatic, but had tested as his wife had it. She wasn't at all bothered. In fact 11 of us weren't. And none of us have been ill since Xmas day. It's going to be around forever. We are all jabbed etc Think your parents were being ridiculous tbh.

sussexpud · 03/01/2023 19:23

wow the responses. They are vaccinated and have had covid so not sure why they wouldn't let you visit....I personally wouldn't have left you stranded and am surprised at the number of people here who would. But that is what this pandemic has done, exposed who people really are. THEY are the selfish ones.

meins · 03/01/2023 19:24

Also i would explain how all this has made you feel. I hope they make an equal effort to arrange something!

AliceOlive · 03/01/2023 19:28

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

ichundich · 03/01/2023 19:31

flirtygirl · 03/01/2023 19:21

Some people really didn't read any updates past the original post. They only really wanted to jump on op.

Op met up with them and is now negative, but still Meeting in a cold park. How unfeeling! Let alone no contact for 3 days after she let them know. Most people would be angry and upset apart from some idiots on here who saw the word covid and got very upset and forgot to use their critical thinking.

And yes I do know how dangerous covid is, long covid has wrecked my life, I've lost more people than most including my dad. That does not negate the ops right to be angry because her parent has been disinterested, uncaring and unfeeling.

Op don't bother visiting them again, bother with people who care about you like your other parent. And take this thread down. Don't let these idiots with agendas keep posting.

I agree and think the OP should step away from this thread because the haters and Covid lunatics are just relentless. Half of them have clearly not even read past the first two lines of the opening post, but feel they must add their vitriol and uninformed opinion anyway. I wouldn't cut off this parent OP, but I would not travel to see them again unless they sincerely apologise for treating you like this.

XmasChocs · 03/01/2023 19:32

Quite a few of my friends caught COVID around Christmas. Some got over it after a few days, a couple are still suffering with it and said it has ruined their Christmas.

YABU to not be concerned for the health of your parents. You don't know how COVID would have affected them, and they are obviously still being careful.

Your flippant attitude is quite staggering.