Fining children and expecting other parent to enforce it?

[SpottyDressingRoom]

Ex is angry because dc1 has not been answering exs calls and dc2 is angry with him (ex) and was rude to him on the phone.

I have had serious talk to dc2 about rudeness and would support warning and enforcement of agreed discipline for future repeat, but ex wants to fine him £25, with no warning, to be taken from his Xmas money that dc has already received and I would have to enforce.

Ex also wants to impose the same fine on dc1 for not answering calls and for me to similarly enforce it.

I don't use money fines here. I have explained my consequences which are applied and well understood by the dc, but he has decided that he wants to impose fines, £5 per transgression, enforced by me.

AIBU to object to being made into his enforcer and made to use his consequence framework which I don't use here because I don't think it's fair?

Fines?!! What the hell 😂 what a bizarre punishment. Tell him to sod off. No way would I be supporting this ridiculousness. Don’t let him take your kids money!

Whaaat? What planet is he on?

Sounds ridiculous and overly punitive. And how old are these kids?

If he insists, let him 'fine' the child and work it out himself.

This has really made me laugh. What would you do with the money? Does it belong to you or him then?

Sure, he can fine them, but he needs to take it out the pocket money he pays them.

He doesn’t give them pocket money? Well tough luck, how’s he planning to fine them?

Any suggestion that you should be imposing it must be met with “unfortunately that doesn’t work for me” and repeat.

This is just bonkers. Don't even entertain the idea of doing this. It's also wrong for your ex to demand that the DC answer his calls at all times. Rudeness isn't on, of course, assuming they were being rude in response to a reasonable conversation.

He’s bonkers. I can see why you aren’t together anymore. I wouldn’t give his bat shit opinions and ideas more air time

How old are the DCs?
Why doesn't DS want to answer his phone or speak to his Dad?

Fines only work if DCs purposely break/damage other people's property, or constantly lose things which need to be replaced.

Fining for other reasons is ridiculous!

I can see why he's an ex. Bellend. How old are the boys? I can also see why they don't want to talk to him.

'No, sorry I'm not your bailiff/bouncer.'

If he has a problem with dc then he can sort it out on his time, I wouldn't be spoiling my time with them sorting out his parenting skills (or lack of).

Tell dc generically that it's good manners to answer a phone or reply with a text and to they need to have basic manners with everyone. But only you know what ex is like and if they're likely to have an issue with him as they grow. Ex's seem to have an issue with boys who grow into men, and have opinions.

How did you manage not to laugh? No way I would be getting involved.

I’ve never heard anything so ridiculous. What’s he planning to do with the money. Tell him to get lost

Does he mean literally every phone call must be answered? So they're not allowed to shower, go to the loo, leave their phone in a different room etc? Or does he mean he wants to speak to them on a certain day? Does he always answer the phone 100% of the time?

ignore his texts and phone calls then fine yourself

Nope. Stupid idea. If this is how he parents, by bulldozing compliant behaviour with disproportionate punishments, no wonder the child is rude to him or doesn't want to speak to him.

And no, I wouldn't be enforcing his punishments for such a ridiculous rule. Especially when it's such a harsh punishment. What does he plan to do with them money? Keep it or put it into their savings?

You can't take Christmas money from your child. I would be furious if money I had given as a gift to a child was be taken from them.
What did they actually do wrong anyway. Maybe they had good reasons not to answer the calls and to be angry with your ex.

Oh come on

I mean to OP

Id tell him to jog on. How old are the children ?
Over a certain age their views are taken into account for contact. They can also refuse contact over an age as well.
Does he realise this ?

I would not be doing this.

Plus I'd be asking my kids for details.
Were they busy when dad called? How long until they got back to dad ? Did they not pick up because they were angry and didn't want to talk to him or say something that they might regret ? I'd support my child making that choice. Is he the type of dad who wants to continue his argument with dc2 through dc1? Was Dad trying to call in an urgent situation so calling back quickly was important ? (Eg trying to find dc1 for a pick up)

The anger and rudeness. Was dc angry when he was rude? Was he rude in response to his dad's anger or actions?

Who the Chuffin Hell does your ex think he is?! Fines! Has he got some kind of frustrated wanted to be in the police thing going on? Is he actually in the police? Wouldn't suprise me, at all

You're divorced. He doesn't get to control what happens at your house. End of.

Maybe switch off your phone for a day or two while you give this suggestion the deep, uninterrupted thought it deserves.

Of course YANBU. I have never heard anything so absurd, it sounds like he wants to legitimise stealing money from them. Is he skint? Or has he got some other plan for the money he steals.