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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not pay for a dog my mum has found on preloved

230 replies

StarDolphins · 31/12/2022 17:04

I’ll start by saying my mum loves animals & has always really looked after their needs 100%. She would starve to feed them etc.

However, she’s a 77yo hoarder who is bound to 1 room (only moves from the bed to the commode 1m away). She’s had 2 strokes, heart bypass, diabetes & COPD amongst others.

she has 1 dog left out of 5 so I said when she goes, I will take existing dog if he outlived her as she got him before she was immobile. This poor dog is fat (loved, but far too unhealthy) she has a dog walker everyday.

My Ainu - she’s text me to ask me to pay for a dog off preloved out of her money. This dog is 2.5 hours away but no mention of how she will get it. She’s bombarding me now asking me to reply/pay.

would I be unreasonable to find’ an excuse not to do this?, I feel so heartbroken for this dog, I have a dog so I can only commit to taking 2 when my Mum dies & this poor dog will have such a boring life in that horrible house. Loving it won’t be enough & I feel so stressed & upset. I want to go absolutely mad but she will say it’s her money etc & the dog will be loved!

OP posts:
AGoodDayForSomebodyElseToDie · 31/12/2022 17:05

God no, don't buy the dog. Especially not off bloody preloved.

AnneElliott · 31/12/2022 17:05

Definitely don't do this - you'll end up looking after it.

Itsthewhitehat · 31/12/2022 17:06

how sure is she that the dog actually exists?

PeekAtYou · 31/12/2022 17:07

I agree- don't do it.
Not fair on the dog or you when you'll have to pick up more responsibility

whyhere · 31/12/2022 17:07

No no no! But you know that :-) Sorry you're in such a tough position.

WiddlinDiddlin · 31/12/2022 17:10

Heck no.

But ask for the ad, then tell her you rang and the dog has gone already, or that you think it is a scam if you think that will work.

You could tell her that if she gets any more dogs, when she dies the new ones will go back into rescue, but I suspect shes likely to choose not to hear that, and if she thinks you flat out won't help, shes likely to find some other way to send money and the people MOST likely to take her money via whatever cock-eyed way she figures out to send it... will be the scammers!

Warspite · 31/12/2022 17:10

Do not buy that dog. Just don’t. Dogs are like busses. There’s always another one, in just as much need, coming along behind.
Her current dog is used to the status quo. The new dog could need much more exercise and be troublesome to keep within her circumstances. No no no from me I’m afraid.
PS: I’ve had dogs in the near past and I love dogs but they have needs and your mums circumstances sound far from ideal.

Theunamedcat · 31/12/2022 17:11

Tell her the fog has already been sold to someone else

Tell them she is "mentally unwell" and they cannot proceed with the transaction

Dancingdragonhiddentiger · 31/12/2022 17:14

I’d be direct but not argumentative e.g I can’t support your choice in this so won’t be able to help you get another dog. Love you …
When she goes mad, I’d just keep saying on loop “you know how I feel, let’s stop discussing it. I don’t want to argue with you”

Original poster
StarDolphins · 31/12/2022 17:16

Now she’s text asking can I also transfer £3700 days not her card😱 she’s either going to send a taxi for it or buy a car (she’s not left the house in 3 years, let alone the front room). Goodness me, she only has total £6k left.

I just can’t let her get this dog. I’ve text saying I can’t transfer money until I’ve been to her to get her card but to be clear, I’m having nothing to do with this dog, not taking to vets, nothing, I’ve been lumbered far too many times sorting pets so I’m not doing it. But I know I will becaise who else will be able to take an Ill dog to the damn vets.

OP posts:
Itsthewhitehat · 31/12/2022 17:17

I think she is being scammed. Why is she so desperate to get this specific dog.

ShakespearesBlister · 31/12/2022 17:18

For god's sake DO NOT GET A DOG FROM PRELOVED FFS!!!

Original poster
StarDolphins · 31/12/2022 17:21

Itsthewhitehat · 31/12/2022 17:17

I think she is being scammed. Why is she so desperate to get this specific dog.

She sent me the preloved link & it says can only live with a lady & so she said she’d be perfect. She’s been looking since her last dog died a few months ago as I’ve seen her Google search - all chihuahua for sale near me etc

OP posts:
Original poster
StarDolphins · 31/12/2022 17:21

ShakespearesBlister · 31/12/2022 17:18

For god's sake DO NOT GET A DOG FROM PRELOVED FFS!!!

100% agree.

OP posts:
Dillydollydingdong · 31/12/2022 17:22

£3700? What breed is this damn dog ffs? That's absolutely ridiculous. She's defo being scammed.

Original poster
StarDolphins · 31/12/2022 17:23

Dancingdragonhiddentiger · 31/12/2022 17:14

I’d be direct but not argumentative e.g I can’t support your choice in this so won’t be able to help you get another dog. Love you …
When she goes mad, I’d just keep saying on loop “you know how I feel, let’s stop discussing it. I don’t want to argue with you”

I tried that when she mentioned it before Xmas, she just said “that’s fine, I won’t ask” but then when the dog’s I’ll, she’ll ring me & will know I can’t leave a dog suffering. It’s an awful position.

OP posts:
Atethehalloweenchocs · 31/12/2022 17:27

I wouldnt make an excuse - I think you need to tell her you are not happy about supporting her to get another dog because of her age and health.

Whoneedsleep · 31/12/2022 17:27

I think you need to be really blunt with her here as awful as it is.

Mum you cannot have another dog because it’s cruel.

Hopefully she reconsiders.

2reefsin30knots · 31/12/2022 17:27

It sounds like if you don't do the transaction, she can't have the dog.

So WHY are you agreeing to do the transaction??

KathieFerrars · 31/12/2022 17:28

Could you bear to go and look at this highly likely non existent dog and then tell her that it was poorly and not well enough to be bought, ie, whatever fib works and then tell the owner, breeder, scammer that on no account are they to call your mother else you will report them. If you can get someone big and hefty to go with you... i know it is hours away but it may save a lot of angst.

Original poster
StarDolphins · 31/12/2022 17:29

Atethehalloweenchocs · 31/12/2022 17:27

I wouldnt make an excuse - I think you need to tell her you are not happy about supporting her to get another dog because of her age and health.

But then what do I say when she says “I’m only asking you to pay it out of my money”. Her pension gets paid into my bank, she doesn’t have a bank account only a prepay card. It’s her money & so far, she’s only asking for me to pay for the dog.

OP posts:
Theunamedcat · 31/12/2022 17:30

StarDolphins · 31/12/2022 17:29

But then what do I say when she says “I’m only asking you to pay it out of my money”. Her pension gets paid into my bank, she doesn’t have a bank account only a prepay card. It’s her money & so far, she’s only asking for me to pay for the dog.

Show quote history

There is no dog the dog has gone

Original poster
StarDolphins · 31/12/2022 17:31

KathieFerrars · 31/12/2022 17:28

Could you bear to go and look at this highly likely non existent dog and then tell her that it was poorly and not well enough to be bought, ie, whatever fib works and then tell the owner, breeder, scammer that on no account are they to call your mother else you will report them. If you can get someone big and hefty to go with you... i know it is hours away but it may save a lot of angst.

It’s 2.5-3hours away in Wales (we’re in Peak District) & I have work, my DD & my DDog & cat to look after.

OP posts:
Forthelast · 31/12/2022 17:31

Absolutely not.

MargotMoon · 31/12/2022 17:32

Tell her you're not prepared to pay the money across because you know about so many scams on Preloved?