To not pay for a dog my mum has found on preloved

[StarDolphins]

I’ll start by saying my mum loves animals & has always really looked after their needs 100%. She would starve to feed them etc.

However, she’s a 77yo hoarder who is bound to 1 room (only moves from the bed to the commode 1m away). She’s had 2 strokes, heart bypass, diabetes & COPD amongst others.

she has 1 dog left out of 5 so I said when she goes, I will take existing dog if he outlived her as she got him before she was immobile. This poor dog is fat (loved, but far too unhealthy) she has a dog walker everyday.

My Ainu - she’s text me to ask me to pay for a dog off preloved out of her money. This dog is 2.5 hours away but no mention of how she will get it. She’s bombarding me now asking me to reply/pay.

would I be unreasonable to find’ an excuse not to do this?, I feel so heartbroken for this dog, I have a dog so I can only commit to taking 2 when my Mum dies & this poor dog will have such a boring life in that horrible house. Loving it won’t be enough & I feel so stressed & upset. I want to go absolutely mad but she will say it’s her money etc & the dog will be loved!

Sadly there are lots of puppy farms in Wales.

Ohhh. Poor little thing

You need to be blunt with your mother. Mine had a cat that she wasn't capable of looking after properly due to her dementia - when he had an injury I had to take him to live with us and told her it was in his best interest and she just couldn't provide the level of care he needed. She loved that cat and was very upset but I couldn't see him suffer.

This is not the right dog for her. Environmental health will need to get involved eventually when there is dog pee and poop ingrained into the clutter. Grim.

Has she actually contacted the current owners about it? If not you could say it’s gone

have you asked what she wants the other £3k for too? Is she planning on taking a taxi there herself?

I'd definitely start as you mean to go on, if you are the only person in control of her money then noone else can enable this behaviour but you, that poor dog deserves better

ive reported to the ad o them as potential scam/poor thing probably been bred to an inch of is life

Have you told her no op?

You will just have to keep saying a blunt no.

No more animals.

It’s incredibly cruel - you simply cannot keep an animal that way.

can anyone see if the owner is selling anything else it wont let me unless i join

jist don’t know how she’d take a taxi there, taxi driver would have to walk her out of the house, she can only shuffle 1m to commode.

I haven’t asked about what the other money is for as she’ll either not tell me or tell me & I will be even more stressed!

bet it’s a car. 3 years ago I made her sell 3 cars from the front of the house that were covered in mold/moss after she had 2 strokes & she was still saying she would drive eventually- despite not having much use of her hands & only being able to walk aided. It’s madness.

*walk unaided

No yanbu. You would be unreasonable to assist her with this and help facilitate neglect to an animal. Just keep saying no.

please dont let her drive either i assume she isnt able to-does she still have a licence

Oh my days, a million % no.

I think you're just going to have to be really straight OP and say then unfortunately she's not up to looking after another dog and you won't facilitate her getting one.

What a nightmare, and on NYE too!

She’s not replying now but when she does, I’m going to say something like ‘I get it’s your money but I’m not going to pay them. It’s cruel on the dog & me. She’s not house trained & you can’t train her nor clean up after her. You can’t take her to the vet & I will get stuck taking her to a rescue in the future which will be heartbreaking. You’re too old & in I’ll health to have another dog’

she will then fall out with me.

We had a terrible time when we supposedly refused my lovely Mum in similar circumstances her money - carer reported it. We surprised social services by welcoming them taking over her finances. Stopped all the difficult conversations. They were not brilliant at it either but it was less stressful.

I think that’s something that sadly you will have to put up with.

She’s now in the childish role and you will have to be the adult and make sensible decisions.

She cannot look after a dog.

That’s what I’m going to do then let her deal with her own money.

ruined my Prosecco she has!

To the PP that asked if she’s in touch with them, I asked her this but she’s now ignoring me!

My mum tried similar towards the end, fortunately she was reasonable when I said it wasn’t a good idea. I think for her it was more about the idea of a dog vs. really wanting one. There were a few things that I had to talk her out of. Generally I used a paraphrase of “You’e an adult and I’m not going to say no, but why don’t you think about it for awhile “

She was generally reasonable though, which it doesn’t sound like your mum is (sorry). In your shoes I would just tell her no as you plan to do. Until then, pour another glass and put it out of your mind.

She’ll have to fall out with you then. She’ll be back as soon as she needs something doing

Damned right you should refuse!

Yes, she is your mother, but it sounds like roles have become reversed and you have become the 'adult' in this, and you really need to protect both her and yourself from the fallout of her unrealistic and irresponsible choices.

Good look.

Yes, your Mum sounds like a reasonable & normal lady. Mine is definitely not - in many ways. Thanks

Thank you & you are definitely right. Been like this for years! The most ridiculous situations, over & over again.