To not pay for a dog my mum has found on preloved

[StarDolphins]

I’ll start by saying my mum loves animals & has always really looked after their needs 100%. She would starve to feed them etc.

However, she’s a 77yo hoarder who is bound to 1 room (only moves from the bed to the commode 1m away). She’s had 2 strokes, heart bypass, diabetes & COPD amongst others.

she has 1 dog left out of 5 so I said when she goes, I will take existing dog if he outlived her as she got him before she was immobile. This poor dog is fat (loved, but far too unhealthy) she has a dog walker everyday.

My Ainu - she’s text me to ask me to pay for a dog off preloved out of her money. This dog is 2.5 hours away but no mention of how she will get it. She’s bombarding me now asking me to reply/pay.

would I be unreasonable to find’ an excuse not to do this?, I feel so heartbroken for this dog, I have a dog so I can only commit to taking 2 when my Mum dies & this poor dog will have such a boring life in that horrible house. Loving it won’t be enough & I feel so stressed & upset. I want to go absolutely mad but she will say it’s her money etc & the dog will be loved!

I'm assuming your mother to be older than me, so I may be wrong but I'm not sure there was much help for trauma then?
There definitely was help for alcoholism, so yes that was a choice, but when I went through all hell both as a child and a young woman, nothing was on offer, I was just supposed to get on with it and not talk about it. There was no talk or understanding of how trauma might affect people later. You were still alive, therefore you were supposedly ok.
Later when I actively asked the GP for help with depression following the death of some of my children I was told to take up Latin dancing. I understand the connection now, but certainly didn't then, and just felt it was a very cruel stupid answer to asking for help with being overwhelmed by grief. I didn't go back.
By the time a few more events had taken place, the internet and social media had become a thing, and we all got to discuss this stuff and try to look for help.
I do understand your point about generational trauma, I've ended up NC with only sibling who made it to real adulthood, (after not being able to do as they demanded so cut off) and their children have ended up NC with them too. The damage easily drips down. I wish you the best.

@StarDolphins just wanted to echo what some others have said.

You are doing so so well to stand up to your mum, well done.

There are similarities in our mums. Mine has traits where when I confront her she goes into child mode and acts all sad and scared or she goes in a mood and goes quiet for days. Some things like the hoarding are easier just left, I get it.

You have to take time for yourself too x

everything ok when you went round op?

Wales is the centre of so many puppy farms so if this dog exists it will probably be an ex puppy farm breeder so it will have no toilet training all sorts wrong health wise and no people skills

Any updates op?

Hope
You are ok.