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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not pay for a dog my mum has found on preloved

230 replies

StarDolphins · 31/12/2022 17:04

I’ll start by saying my mum loves animals & has always really looked after their needs 100%. She would starve to feed them etc.

However, she’s a 77yo hoarder who is bound to 1 room (only moves from the bed to the commode 1m away). She’s had 2 strokes, heart bypass, diabetes & COPD amongst others.

she has 1 dog left out of 5 so I said when she goes, I will take existing dog if he outlived her as she got him before she was immobile. This poor dog is fat (loved, but far too unhealthy) she has a dog walker everyday.

My Ainu - she’s text me to ask me to pay for a dog off preloved out of her money. This dog is 2.5 hours away but no mention of how she will get it. She’s bombarding me now asking me to reply/pay.

would I be unreasonable to find’ an excuse not to do this?, I feel so heartbroken for this dog, I have a dog so I can only commit to taking 2 when my Mum dies & this poor dog will have such a boring life in that horrible house. Loving it won’t be enough & I feel so stressed & upset. I want to go absolutely mad but she will say it’s her money etc & the dog will be loved!

OP posts:
Original poster
StarDolphins · 31/12/2022 17:59

Theunamedcat · 31/12/2022 17:33

Just refuse if she says she no longer wants you to help with her money agree and tell her social services will do it instead they won't let her have a bloody dog either

I’m going to do this. If she wants to find an alternative of where her pension goes then that’s fine. I’m so fed up of ordering absolutely nonsense items but now there’s a poor dog’s life at stake so just going to say no, I’m not paying it, you can’t look after this dog & she will then go absolutely nuts, not speak to me & ask for her money to be drawn out.

OP posts:
HermioneWeasley · 31/12/2022 17:59

If you control her money just refuse. It’s madness

2reefsin30knots · 31/12/2022 18:01

The fact that this is the best picture they could get for the advert speaks volumes.

To not pay for a dog my mum has found on preloved
Original poster
StarDolphins · 31/12/2022 18:02

HermioneWeasley · 31/12/2022 17:59

If you control her money just refuse. It’s madness

She’s refused to get a bank account so all her money goes in my account & I transfer it to another account in my name so I know which is hers & I pay all her bills from there.

I’m going to refuse to pay on the grounds of protecting this poor dog & myself.

OP posts:
Stuffin · 31/12/2022 18:03

I’m going to do this. If she wants to find an alternative of where her pension goes then that’s fine. I’m so fed up of ordering absolutely nonsense items but now there’s a poor dog’s life at stake so just going to say no, I’m not paying it, you can’t look after this dog & she will then go absolutely nuts, not speak to me & ask for her money to be drawn out.

Then do as she asks. Withdraw her money and tell her that she has to find an alternative place for the pension to be deposited. Don't be complicit in this or anything else going forward.

Stellaris22 · 31/12/2022 18:04

Preloved and in Wales? So many alarm bells.

If she can't afford to buy the dog (which is a scam and doesn't exist) then definitely couldn't afford vet bills and insurance.

helly013 · 31/12/2022 18:04

If she's sent you the ad, can you message the person and say that your mum has been in touch, explain your mums situation and say please don't have any further communication with her as she is not right for the dog. Hopefully it's a genuine ad and not a scam!
I can see similar situations happening with my husbands Nan. Has always had animals but getting to the stage where they're just not getting looked after how they should, lots of love but they're not healthy.

Mangolist · 31/12/2022 18:05

I'm confused as to how other posters have found the dog? Have I missed something? Also, don't let her get it!!

Whichwhatnow · 31/12/2022 18:06

Oh dear, I think I've also found the advert. Still not house trained at 5 years old, not spayed, 'very shy', 'special', only a lady owner... this does not sound like an easy dog to adopt even in ideal circumstances. I also had no idea that pets were sold this way??

brusselspout · 31/12/2022 18:08

Preloved and in Wales? So many alarm bells.

Hold on, what's up with Wales? Grin

Shinyandnew1 · 31/12/2022 18:08

Don’t lie about cards and money. Just say you don’t think this is a good idea and won’t be driving to Wales to collect it. If she wants to buy a car or organise a taxi (she won’t), then that’s on her. Say you won’t be taking it to the vet or having it if anything happens to her.

No bank account though?!

FavouriteDogMug · 31/12/2022 18:10

Can I just say bank transfer or faster payment direct from your account has very little protection against scams or fraud. It's basically the same as paying in cash.

Shinyandnew1 · 31/12/2022 18:11

would I be unreasonable to find’ an excuse not to do this?

You would be unreasonable to find an excuse. If it’s not this dog, it’ll be another.

How does she buy food without a bank account? How does she get to a vet?

Biscuitandacuppa · 31/12/2022 18:11

@Mangolist look on preloved and search for chihuahua in wales. The dog is female and priced at £300. I think it’s a genuine advert from someone who can’t cope with the dogs needs anymore. It looks like it’s mainly being kept outside and the poor thing looks pretty miserable.

Original poster
StarDolphins · 31/12/2022 18:13

Whichwhatnow · 31/12/2022 18:06

Oh dear, I think I've also found the advert. Still not house trained at 5 years old, not spayed, 'very shy', 'special', only a lady owner... this does not sound like an easy dog to adopt even in ideal circumstances. I also had no idea that pets were sold this way??

Exactly- she can’t clean up after a dog or train it, she’d just let it wee & poo everywhere!

OP posts:
Original poster
StarDolphins · 31/12/2022 18:14

Biscuitandacuppa · 31/12/2022 18:11

@Mangolist look on preloved and search for chihuahua in wales. The dog is female and priced at £300. I think it’s a genuine advert from someone who can’t cope with the dogs needs anymore. It looks like it’s mainly being kept outside and the poor thing looks pretty miserable.

My Mum will say she’s ‘saving’ it from this miserable life!

OP posts:
OP posts:
bellac11 · 31/12/2022 18:15

Genevieva · 31/12/2022 17:40

She has sent you a link. You contact the owners on Preloved. You say your Mum has been in touch with them and wants you to facilitate the purchase. Please can you have a chant on the phone? When you speak to them you explain your mother is bed-bound and already has an overweight dog, so you have concerns about her ability to manage this extra dog who has not met the existing one. See how they respond. If they suggest that this is not the buyer they want then they will withdraw from the sale quietly. If they push to have the money then you can assume they are fraudsters and you tell you Mum that, having spoken to them, you think there is no dog ant it is a scam.

This is what I was going to say. And if they get pushy I would start talking about the authorities. Scare them off

CharlotteRose90 · 31/12/2022 18:18

Christ that poor dog looks traumatised. She’s also not been neutered so I’m guessing they’ve used her for breeding and are now chucking her out. Not been looked after at all. Your mum won’t cope with her. She needs someone that will give her all the time in the world .

Biscuitandacuppa · 31/12/2022 18:20

@StarDolphins oh dear, she really is quite unable to see that the life she can offer would also be miserable. Do you have a social worker involved at all? Might be worth discussing this with them.

bellac11 · 31/12/2022 18:20

Dear oh dear, I get so angry at this sort of thing, that poor dog.

Can this be reported to preloved, what are their rules about this sort of thing?

Atethehalloweenchocs · 31/12/2022 18:21

But then what do I say when she says “I’m only asking you to pay it out of my money”. Her pension gets paid into my bank, she doesn’t have a bank account only a prepay card. It’s her money & so far, she’s only asking for me to pay for the dog.

You tell her I cant help you with this. I dont support you with this.

Original poster
StarDolphins · 31/12/2022 18:22

Shinyandnew1 · 31/12/2022 18:11

would I be unreasonable to find’ an excuse not to do this?

You would be unreasonable to find an excuse. If it’s not this dog, it’ll be another.

How does she buy food without a bank account? How does she get to a vet?

I go to get per food & she does have a vet - but last time her pet went was her cat & I had to take the cat & be with her while she was put to sleep then more recently she rang in tears, her 17yo collie was in a bad way so I had to arrange a vet to go to the house to PTS😢😢sick of all the upset.

OP posts:
Original poster
StarDolphins · 31/12/2022 18:24

Theunamedcat · 31/12/2022 17:33

Just refuse if she says she no longer wants you to help with her money agree and tell her social services will do it instead they won't let her have a bloody dog either

I agree. Plus it would be less for me to do too.

OP posts:
AdobeWanKenobi · 31/12/2022 18:25

a Welsh female untrained bitch screams puppy farm breeding machine to me sadly. Reached the end of her useful life for whatever reason.