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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I just an ungrateful bitch?

187 replies

mumbojumbo7 · 30/12/2022 19:02

Been with DP a few months, our first Christmas. He can’t do enough for me and he’s so so lovely.
I absolutely love the little things, it’s something I’ve always said and he knows about me. I got him a pair of boots he really wanted, but I also filled a stocking of his favourite snacks and got a few little bits he really loved.

He knows I’m huge on little things too. And there’s lots of little things I have been pointing out such as ornaments for my room, types of (not expensive) jewellery I like, fave type of sweets etc etc.

He got me one big present, which was a piece of jewellery with my favourite flower on it, as well as a Prosecco glass as I accidentally broke one of mine.

It’s honestly really lovely, but he spent over £100 on this big present and I’ve never been huge on big sort of superficial gifts like that. I know I’d rather have £100 spent on lots of little things or something for us to do.

I am really grateful for it but I think I just worry that it means he doesn’t know me very well, or doesn’t listen.

Am I being a bitch? I haven’t said anything and obviously won’t, but just wanted to know if I’m being mean

OP posts:
SavoirFlair · 30/12/2022 19:05

Yes.

MumUndone · 30/12/2022 19:06

Yup.

Tinkerbyebye · 30/12/2022 19:06

Yes

Haus1234 · 30/12/2022 19:06

If you’ve only been together a few months then of course he doesn’t know you that well in the grand scheme of things?!

Was it your first present exchange? If so perhaps he’ll learn a bit more from your example this time for the next one. There is much much more to a good relationship than the ideal present though.

TheGuv1982 · 30/12/2022 19:06

Yes but at least you’re recognising it, so it’s not all bad.

MichelleScarn · 30/12/2022 19:07

Yep

Sage396 · 30/12/2022 19:07

Jewellery with your favourite flower, and a replacement for an item you broke, seem like very thoughtful gifts from someone you've been with a few months, and both show that he pays attention and listens...

Stressedmum2017 · 30/12/2022 19:07

Omg yes you do sound incredibly ungrateful and spoilt. I spent years getting absolutely nothing not even a card on major dates I would have loved this.

AChristmasCaro · 30/12/2022 19:07

He bought you a lovely, generous and very thoughtful present. Stop being a dick.

Petesbowtie9 · 30/12/2022 19:07

Yep

Badgirlriri · 30/12/2022 19:08

Yes

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 30/12/2022 19:08

Yes sorry. I said to DH should we do stockings and he said no as we already get each other presents. I was fine with this.

cansu · 30/12/2022 19:08

yes you are being ridiculous. Your post is the very definition of superficial. You are moaning because you feel you would prefer it if he spent lots of time and energy buying you things. He bought you a nice gift but that isn't enough.

Moonshine160 · 30/12/2022 19:08

Sorry but yes. Those sound like lovely gifts

MadameCholetsDirtySecret · 30/12/2022 19:08

One item of value rather than lots of cheap stuff is much better. You sound foolish OP.

BlueSuffragette · 30/12/2022 19:09

Yes. I think he gave some thought to what to buy for you. You seem hard to please.

Notimeforaname · 30/12/2022 19:09

It really isn't something to worry about.. it's a present. Chill out.

YouWouldNotBelieveIt · 30/12/2022 19:09

Yep, massively ungrateful.

Amipreg1 · 30/12/2022 19:09

I wouldn't say you're being mean as you haven't said anything to him but I think you need to just appreciate that he made an effort. It's early days in your relationship, you're still getting to know each others likes and dislikes. Maybe he wanted to spoil you or maybe he just didn't realise that you would have preferred different gifts. That's fine, you've only only been together a few months.
In the long run I would find ways to hint again so that hopefully next time he has a better idea of what you would prefer.

PlaitBilledDuckyPuss · 30/12/2022 19:09

Is the purpose of this thread to be a 'stealth boast' OP? I can't imagine anyone would genuinely be disappointed with a present that was clearly very thoughtful and quite expensive, and an additional gift that was practical and again, thoughtful.

TangledWebofMincemeatDeception · 30/12/2022 19:11

Why on earth is one thoughtful gift more superficial than ten thoughtful gifts?

Sugarsandwiches · 30/12/2022 19:11

I would say this is the opposite of a superficial present. If you want £100 of tat to unwrap then just tell him so he knows for next time.

FlissyPaps · 30/12/2022 19:12

The gifts he got you sound really lovely and thoughtful OP.

Have a read of some of the other threads on “Christmas”. Some women got nothing from their partners. One woman got a an experience day to drive race cars, even though the woman has a disability and cannot drive.

It’s about quality here not quantity.

You sound ungrateful, yes. But not a bitch.

Try and think positive on what a great job he’s done, rather than thinking of the “what he could have got”.

TheCraicDealer · 30/12/2022 19:13

Spending £100-plus on “lots of little things” sounds exhausting for the person doing the buying. I’m sorry I just don’t have the time or headspace for that carry on, when he still got you at least two thoughtful and personal gifts. And you got him a big ticket item too; there’s not too many pairs of boots you could get for less than £60 or £70, so what exactly did he do so differently to you? YABVU.

susiesuelou · 30/12/2022 19:14

By far the easiest YES, YABU I've ever said on here 😂

My god I'd have been thrilled with that present.