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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I just an ungrateful bitch?

187 replies

mumbojumbo7 · 30/12/2022 19:02

Been with DP a few months, our first Christmas. He can’t do enough for me and he’s so so lovely.
I absolutely love the little things, it’s something I’ve always said and he knows about me. I got him a pair of boots he really wanted, but I also filled a stocking of his favourite snacks and got a few little bits he really loved.

He knows I’m huge on little things too. And there’s lots of little things I have been pointing out such as ornaments for my room, types of (not expensive) jewellery I like, fave type of sweets etc etc.

He got me one big present, which was a piece of jewellery with my favourite flower on it, as well as a Prosecco glass as I accidentally broke one of mine.

It’s honestly really lovely, but he spent over £100 on this big present and I’ve never been huge on big sort of superficial gifts like that. I know I’d rather have £100 spent on lots of little things or something for us to do.

I am really grateful for it but I think I just worry that it means he doesn’t know me very well, or doesn’t listen.

Am I being a bitch? I haven’t said anything and obviously won’t, but just wanted to know if I’m being mean

OP posts:
Isjbot · 30/12/2022 21:07

You can't help how you feel but he was trying. If things work out then I'm sure he'll learn what you like. I'm 15 years deep and about 3 years ago my dh realised I like a few little things as opposed to a big thing. It's fine, as your relationship grows and you get to know each other more, he'll get to know what you like. X

Charlieiscool · 30/12/2022 21:10

OMG the negativity. Are you always compelled to moan and be miserable?

WestwardHo1 · 30/12/2022 21:10

Oh FGS.

Thatiswild · 30/12/2022 21:11

I get it as this happened to me with my now dh and it was a beautiful necklace too, one lovely gift. I had to adjust my expectations and understand that to him, he had chosen something based on what he thought would suit me and something special I was worthy of. I never felt that comfortable with big gifts but I learned that i was worthy actually! I still buy him lots of things with his main gift as that’s what I grew up around. He still buys me one big thing - but he does now always pick at least one small thing, 23 years on and I still love his gifts because they’re always a true gift - something I’d never treat myself to - and always amazing and he knows me better than I know myself sometimes. Give it time but yes for now you are being ungrateful and the fact it’s your favourite flower shows he does know you and that he cares what you like. Have patience, he could be a keeper!

ZeldaFighter · 30/12/2022 21:11

My husband of more than 1 decade asked if I wanted a coffee maker for Christmas because I love Costa. I said no, because what I love about Costa is the relaxing experience of someone else making me a drink and cleaning up afterwards. My husband got advice from all my friends and spent lots of time reading the reviews to get me the best coffee maker he could. I threw a fit and made him send it back.

I get the OP's worry that he doesn't get her but he has shown thought and care so be happy and grateful, there's plenty of time to perfect things. Don't overthink, worry or ruin it.

candycane10 · 30/12/2022 21:15

Sage396 · 30/12/2022 19:07

Jewellery with your favourite flower, and a replacement for an item you broke, seem like very thoughtful gifts from someone you've been with a few months, and both show that he pays attention and listens...

Agree. He actually sounds more thoughtful than 99% of the male population would be after a few months of dating.

Also it's a personal thing. You prefer lots of little presents, doesn't make it "right"
How would you feel if he was a on a forum saying you bought him lots of little cheap presents and he'd have preferred something bigger instead

Imnoexpert · 30/12/2022 21:16

OMG 🙄YABU

Newmum0322 · 30/12/2022 21:23

Yes massively ungrateful. And honestly, I hate when people buy me ‘little bits’! A load of old shit that’ll fill my cupboard, when they could have invested in one nice gift.

But still I smile and tell them I love it. That’s what you do. that’s what your boyfriend did for you when you went out and bought him ‘little bits’!!! Just because you like tat doesn’t mean he does, you’re no better than him, at least he had the grace to put on a show and make you believe he ‘loved it’!

Barkin2themoon · 30/12/2022 21:23

You’re the sort of woman that gives all other women a bad name, grow up !

JoyeuxNarwhal · 30/12/2022 21:25

Yes. Yes you are.

Unicorn717 · 30/12/2022 21:25

Hopefully he spends his next £100 on someone more grateful.

WilsonMilson · 30/12/2022 21:26

Totally selfish and ridiculous. Surely you’d rather have a single gift of value than a load of cheap tat.

ScroogeMcDuckling · 30/12/2022 21:29

yes

sheepdogdelight · 30/12/2022 21:29

I would put money on DP absolutely hating the stocking and the few little bits he pretended to love and wishing you'd bought him one proper present ...

you and DP need to have a proper chat about expectations around gifts. And you need to realise that yours may be too high (most people don't have time to go round buying lots of small but very thoughtful gifts).

Hesleepswiththefishes · 30/12/2022 21:29

Have not read the full thread
but there is a saying about knowing the cost of everything and the value of nothing

poor guy

chilly32045 · 30/12/2022 21:31

Is this a joke? Your not 5!

NeedAHoliday2021 · 30/12/2022 21:31

Why would anyone want little bits of clutter over a nice piece of carefully selected jewellery?

butterfliedtwo · 30/12/2022 21:31

This is the easiest YABU ever.

You really need to have a look at yourself.

NeedAHoliday2021 · 30/12/2022 21:32

Also, does everyone else add up what their dh spends on them? I’ve no idea but he bought me lovely gifts - music, chocolate and jewellery (my favourite things).

Itsthewhitehat · 30/12/2022 21:33

I genuinely don’t get threads like this.

Op wants to buy her boyfriend of little gifts, because how she prefers gift giving to be. She also wants to receive lots of little gifts, because that’s how she prefers reviewing gifts.

What if he doesn’t agree. What if he thinks the one big present and a small token is the way he wants to give or receive presents.

Maybe op should take his lead and get him one higher value gift and one token gift.

I don’t understand people who are in a relationship and want things done their way all the time, completely forgetting there is another person who may have a different way of doing things. And that doing things differently doesn’t mean they don’t care, haven’t put effort in or anything negative. It’s just different. I am sure people are just addicted to drama and create it, even when it’s not there.

Branleuse · 30/12/2022 21:37

why would you want £100 worth of small bits? wouldnt that just be clutter? Are you very young?

Prettypennies · 30/12/2022 21:38

They’re lovely gifts. If you prefer smaller presents maybe suggest next year that you make up stockings for each other instead

sheepdogdelight · 30/12/2022 21:42

Prettypennies · 30/12/2022 21:38

They’re lovely gifts. If you prefer smaller presents maybe suggest next year that you make up stockings for each other instead

Or perhaps DP should make up a stocking for OP, and she should get him a gift or gifts or no gift at all based on his gift receiving preference?

HotChoxs · 30/12/2022 21:53

YANBU, judging by your message he should have gotten to know you a lot better before spending so much on you.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 30/12/2022 21:55

What?

I’d rather have £100 spent on lots of little things or something for us to do!?

What?

Maybe shut up and say thank you??