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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I just an ungrateful bitch?

187 replies

mumbojumbo7 · 30/12/2022 19:02

Been with DP a few months, our first Christmas. He can’t do enough for me and he’s so so lovely.
I absolutely love the little things, it’s something I’ve always said and he knows about me. I got him a pair of boots he really wanted, but I also filled a stocking of his favourite snacks and got a few little bits he really loved.

He knows I’m huge on little things too. And there’s lots of little things I have been pointing out such as ornaments for my room, types of (not expensive) jewellery I like, fave type of sweets etc etc.

He got me one big present, which was a piece of jewellery with my favourite flower on it, as well as a Prosecco glass as I accidentally broke one of mine.

It’s honestly really lovely, but he spent over £100 on this big present and I’ve never been huge on big sort of superficial gifts like that. I know I’d rather have £100 spent on lots of little things or something for us to do.

I am really grateful for it but I think I just worry that it means he doesn’t know me very well, or doesn’t listen.

Am I being a bitch? I haven’t said anything and obviously won’t, but just wanted to know if I’m being mean

OP posts:
CinnamonSquared · 30/12/2022 21:56

Oh god, for my first birthday with my partner I received 27 cigarettes (I turned 27) and a beach dress that was far too small for me. Men rarely get it right, but it’s nice when they try.

Thedogscollar · 30/12/2022 21:57

I'd rather have one lovely gift thsn a pile of rubbish ones. Yes YABU.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 30/12/2022 21:57

He got me one big present, which was a piece of jewellery with my favourite flower on it, as well as a Prosecco glass as I accidentally broke one of mine.

Wah wah wah! What a horrible boyfriend.

Do you have any idea how ridiculous you sound?

BellePeppa · 30/12/2022 21:57

susiesuelou · 30/12/2022 19:14

By far the easiest YES, YABU I've ever said on here 😂

My god I'd have been thrilled with that present.

100% this. I could hardly believe what I was reading. They sounded like lovely presents. OP sounds like a pita.

HotChoxs · 30/12/2022 21:58

Bananarama21 · 30/12/2022 19:44

First World problems

Generous that. More like first class first world problems Confused

Shimmyshimmycocobop · 30/12/2022 21:59

YABVVU

YellowAndGreenToBeSeen · 30/12/2022 22:03

What the bejesus is it about ‘favourite snacks’ these days?! I mean, my dad likes Toblerone so I got him one for Christmas but he’d never say ‘favourite snack’ about it.

Knowing someone’s ‘favourite snacks’ and someone having such a preference to fill an entire stocking? Aren’t crisps crisps?!

Am baffled.

(and have possibly had enough wine now).

LadyEloise1 · 30/12/2022 22:05

Sage396 · 30/12/2022 19:07

Jewellery with your favourite flower, and a replacement for an item you broke, seem like very thoughtful gifts from someone you've been with a few months, and both show that he pays attention and listens...

This 💯

You sound like an ungrateful little madam.

butterfliedtwo · 30/12/2022 22:05

YellowAndGreenToBeSeen · 30/12/2022 22:03

What the bejesus is it about ‘favourite snacks’ these days?! I mean, my dad likes Toblerone so I got him one for Christmas but he’d never say ‘favourite snack’ about it.

Knowing someone’s ‘favourite snacks’ and someone having such a preference to fill an entire stocking? Aren’t crisps crisps?!

Am baffled.

(and have possibly had enough wine now).

I often wonder as well, seeing that on here.

Starlia · 30/12/2022 22:07

Yes you are.

Hope that helps.

Teenagehorrorbag · 30/12/2022 22:08

I sort of know what you mean as we all subscribe to the 'lots of things to open' principle here. That means we and 2 DC all have smellies, tissues, edibles, schools socks etc - just so that we have extensive stockings (kids mainly) first thing, and then lots to open throughout the day. Those will include a few big/bigger things for DC depending on what they want/need, but we tend not to buy much for ourselves. We buy things over the year (new TV this autumn) so called that our present to ourselves.

That said - you're in a new relationship and without DCs (I assume), so things will be slightly different. I think your DP got you some lovely thoughtful things - you just need to prompt him next year that you'd like a few more bits to unwrap, so how about doing a stocking each? Or a few silly bits under the tree? Then you can stretch out the opening business over the day, as we love to do.....Grin.

Workinghardeveryday · 30/12/2022 22:11

You are being and acting spoiled and entitled.

He was thoughtful.

Get over it and let it go!

sheepdogdelight · 30/12/2022 22:11

OP -I'm wondering if you've worded this badly.

Is this a case of you don't like the jewellery, even thought it includes your favourite flower, and wish he'd just bought something small rather than spending a lot of money on something you didn't want? Because that's not how your post comes across, but would probably have got you more sympathy.

Hopefully if this is the case, you can just return it.

Starlia · 30/12/2022 22:11

Itsthewhitehat · 30/12/2022 21:33

I genuinely don’t get threads like this.

Op wants to buy her boyfriend of little gifts, because how she prefers gift giving to be. She also wants to receive lots of little gifts, because that’s how she prefers reviewing gifts.

What if he doesn’t agree. What if he thinks the one big present and a small token is the way he wants to give or receive presents.

Maybe op should take his lead and get him one higher value gift and one token gift.

I don’t understand people who are in a relationship and want things done their way all the time, completely forgetting there is another person who may have a different way of doing things. And that doing things differently doesn’t mean they don’t care, haven’t put effort in or anything negative. It’s just different. I am sure people are just addicted to drama and create it, even when it’s not there.

Also, absolutely agree with this. Your way of doing things is not always the best way or right way. Long term relationships are built on compromise, so grow up and learn about it.
Good Lord.

Ofcourseshecan · 30/12/2022 22:12

You're not a bitch, OP, but you are being unreasonable here.

He got me one big present, which was a piece of jewellery with my favourite flower on it, as well as a Prosecco glass as I accidentally broke one of mine.
He knew what your favourite flower was, so he's not unobservant, and he replaced something ice that you broke. He sounds lovely!

Ofcourseshecan · 30/12/2022 22:13

Ofcourseshecan · 30/12/2022 22:12

You're not a bitch, OP, but you are being unreasonable here.

He got me one big present, which was a piece of jewellery with my favourite flower on it, as well as a Prosecco glass as I accidentally broke one of mine.
He knew what your favourite flower was, so he's not unobservant, and he replaced something ice that you broke. He sounds lovely!

"Something ice"? Something nice!

YellowAndGreenToBeSeen · 30/12/2022 22:32

butterfliedtwo · 30/12/2022 22:05

I often wonder as well, seeing that on here.

Show quote history

Innit.

One day I might fancy some peanuts, but not again for 6 months. Are these ‘favourite snacks’?

And then, almonds… I always have almonds in the house as a low(ish) fat ‘favourite snack’ but I would be most <side eye> at getting a pack in a Christmas stocking.

It’s a minefield. A baffling minefield.

Banoffe · 30/12/2022 22:33

You’re upset because your new DP bought you a thoughtful Christmas present that clearly shows he was thinking of you and the things you like and would want?

He sounds a keeper but you sound is bit like hard work!

DillDanding · 30/12/2022 22:34

Yep, you're being a brat and he sounds thoughtful.

Most people would rather have one decent gift than several bits of tat.

determinedtomakethiswork · 30/12/2022 22:49

I would hate to get £100 worth of tat. Far better to get one main present.

SalYPimienta · 30/12/2022 22:54

SO ungrateful. It never fails to amaze me how some people take things for granted. You got two lovely, thoughtful presents and you're complaining because they weren't exactly what you wanted and you expected him to read your mind? He sounds lovely and am sure will be snapped up by someone else if you don't get a grip!

Velvetween · 30/12/2022 23:09

Please, let this poor (lovely) guy go…let him be found by someone who will appreciate him.

cantley · 31/12/2022 01:44

OP your gifts sound beautiful and thoughtful.
I think maybe you wanted 15 or so gifts to unwrap not 2?
My DH would panic about having to think about loads of different meaningful gifts for me . You should be grateful for your lovely partner.

Hippyatheart58 · 31/12/2022 02:04

Well I always feel a partner is someone who there has been a commitment of some significance created between the two people. Such as length of the relationship, intensity, emotional and physical support over a period of time (at least a year I think personally). Moving in together, children, sharing of finances.

Boyfriend is someone who the commitment to be exclusive and nurture the relationship has been made but there is yet that depth. It is a fun, carefree stage where either one can walk away with nothing but hurt feelings and no actual loss occurs (money, home, substantial time).

Of course this is just my view on it as a married woman who wants women to fully enjoy the boy/girlfriend stage without jumping the gun to quick to partnership. As we see all the time on here. Women very unhappy and being possibly abused yet leaving is complicated by x, y and z.

Yet as I write this all I can think about is Carrie calling Big her boyfriend after ten years! I think he could of gained the title of partner by then 😂

DomesticShortHair · 31/12/2022 02:10

I have the suspicion that no matter what he’d got you, it would have been wrong.

But as this is MN, LTB etc.

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