Husband just told me he wishes I was someone else

[FedUp2023]

Marriage not good at the moment. He’s very cold, unloving and secretive. He suffers ED so haven’t had sex for nearly 4 years, I’ve tried but been rejected and at very rare times he’s tried but couldn’t get an erection. He never shows me any affection. It’s always me who does but I’ve stopped too now.

today I tried to talk to him and asked him to tell me what he’s thinking. He said he wishes he was with someone else. In another universe he would want to be with a really “confident, in your face girl”. Whereas I’m “shy and anxious”. I’m actually very talkative but shy when I first meet people

it’s really upset me.

That’s so horrid, I’m so sorry. One day I hope you meet someone who cherishes you xxx

What a bastard.

It's not often I say LTB but in your case I'd say it's your best option.

Op he is horrible. He clearly has his own issues, yet instead of accepting the love and support you’ve offered him, he is projecting into you, and trying to drag you down to make himself feel better. What a spiteful little man.
you deserve more. 💐

Truth is, nobody would bloody want him! You, on the other hand, sound lovely. Life is too short for this.

What a twat. You deserve better x

I’m quite sure that in another universe, you’d have liked to be married to a lovely man who wasn’t incapable of having sex, but here you both are. I’m not sure there’s any coming back from the situation as things are now. Is there anything that’s keeping you there?

Wow. What a twat to marry someone the opposite of what he says he wants. I'm sure all the in your face women would be falling over themselves to try and cure his ED.

Sorry that wasn't very helpful but sounds like this relationship is over. I hope this has given you the confidence to leave

The thing is I’ve really tried with him. I’ve posted numerous times about him, I’m going to try and find my old posts and link here. But basically a brief run down if what I’ve dealt with over the years:

1)no support from his abusive mother, she caused me so much anxiety over the years and when I finally got pregnant with my eldest via IVF she made my life hell.

2. I found private email account that he made using another name (I actually found lots not just one). I saw some sick things and mumsnetters at the time told me it’s called “findom” so basically he was emailing girls saying he will give them money and in return he wants to be their financial slave. I also found adverts where he said “free designer bag”, when firms messaged he said he “wants to lick them out in return for any bag they want”

he has never discussed the above with he. He starts crying.

not just these 2 incidences. There have been so many

*girls messaged not “firms”

Yep, he's a twat.
That's going by what he's just said to you and that emailing he's engaged in.
You deserve far, far better.
Honestly, I'd bin him regardless of his illness.

Hurry up and leave him.

Thank you everyone for your replies. Yes exactly I do feel he’s trying to put his issues into me! He had 30 years to try and find a confident in your face girl. I told him just now he shouldn’t have asked me to marry him if he wanted opposite of what I am.

It was very cruel of him to say he wishes that you were someone else.
Some people would LTB based on that alone and I would fully support them.

OP he's absolutely vile. You can never be anything but deeply unhappy living with such a pig. Please let this give you the impetus to divorce him.

He’s crying now and saying he’s really sad and unhappy. I have no energy. I’m getting up every hour or so as both kids are unwell. I just feel so alone all the time. He never steps up and helps me emotionally or practically.

Fuck the limp cock twat off. You deserve so much more.

If it was your sister/,mum/daughter married to this sack of shit, what would you tell them to do?

If it's ltb, why do you not feel your own worth?

💐💐

I honestly don't get threads like these. I don't get it. Why, why haven't you left him op?

Honestly - move on. He’s a nightmare and he’s only going to get worse.

Call a solicitor to make an appointment tomorrow, gather all your joint financials over the weekend, have the appointment next week and have a swift plan to divorce. Don’t warn him till you have all your ducks in a row as the MN saying goes.

I presume you’ve been finding endless excuses not to leave him. Stop kidding yourself now and get rid. Only you can get yourself out of this, and there is nothing you can do to change him.

New year coming so time to move on. What is he actually adding to your life at this point?

Hes not going to change.

Are you going to carry this cycle of misery on again and again?
Leave him.

Oh my God. What a hideous shitbag. Any one of the things you've mentioned here would be enough all by itself for you to put him straight in the bin (with tongs, who'd want to touch the perverted little wanker). Taken altogether? WHY are you still with him? HOW do you feel anything for him at all except revulsion and contempt?

You mention two kids and I assume this is the reason. He's a sick cruel fucker OP. You don't want him around your children.

Ultimatum time. He can seek proper therapy and medical help NOW and engage with it properly, or he can leave and go try to find the confident in his face girl who he thinks wants him and would magically solve all his problems. You and your DC deserve better.

Why are you asking us? You know the answer.

LTB

he doesn't exactly sound like much of a catch, I'd tell him I wished he were someone else too!

Oh boo fucking hoo. He's "sad and unhappy"? Is that why he's being so cruel and unpleasant? Or maybe he's "sad and unhappy" because he's a disgusting excuse for a human being and happiness can't grow in such barren soil?