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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband just told me he wishes I was someone else

233 replies

FedUp2023 · 29/12/2022 23:42

Marriage not good at the moment. He’s very cold, unloving and secretive. He suffers ED so haven’t had sex for nearly 4 years, I’ve tried but been rejected and at very rare times he’s tried but couldn’t get an erection. He never shows me any affection. It’s always me who does but I’ve stopped too now.

today I tried to talk to him and asked him to tell me what he’s thinking. He said he wishes he was with someone else. In another universe he would want to be with a really “confident, in your face girl”. Whereas I’m “shy and anxious”. I’m actually very talkative but shy when I first meet people

it’s really upset me.

OP posts:
pinkpotatoez · 30/12/2022 01:09

Should of said you wished you was with someone with a working penis, horrible man.

emptythelitterbox · 30/12/2022 01:10

Why oh why are you still with this nasty fucker?

You deserve so much better than this impotent shit bag.

Please as soon as they're open ring Women's aid and some solicitors to get some advice.

pinkpotatoez · 30/12/2022 01:13

heartbroken22 · 30/12/2022 00:24

Imagine if you turned around and said well you're erectile dysfunction would turn any confident girl in your face girl into a shy anxious one.

Exactly this, fat chance finding someone who will put up with his limp dick and pathetic personality.

GrowingToads · 30/12/2022 01:18

You really hate one another don't you.

We all can see this needs to end or be interupted by something but would it help to discuss why this turned to shit. Has it always been this bad, why do you think the respect has tanked so massively.

We can all agree that his behaviour is appalling but what got you here, maybe some of that same knowledge can get you out of there.

MrsMorrisey · 30/12/2022 01:18

Yuk!!!!!!!! How gross is he and he can't even get it up!!!!! Good luck mate. It astounds me how people can be so disgusting. Financial slave, geez mate get some balls.
They probably don't work either 🤮

broodyat39 · 30/12/2022 01:19

CatchYouOnTheFlippetyFlop · 30/12/2022 00:03

Fuck the limp cock twat off. You deserve so much more.

If it was your sister/,mum/daughter married to this sack of shit, what would you tell them to do?

If it's ltb, why do you not feel your own worth?

💐💐

Haha well said Grin

Weepachu · 30/12/2022 01:21

You sound lovely OP and he’s lucky you’ve put up with his ED for 4 years.
Do you honestly see things improving?
Make 2023 the year you put yourself first. You’ll not be shy and anxious around the right person.

Rainbowshit · 30/12/2022 01:21

mathanxiety · 30/12/2022 01:01

He can be your financial slave. Make sure you get a really good solicitor.

Lmao

UniversalAunt · 30/12/2022 01:22

Ugh, he sounds both pathetic & horrible.
Enough of this charade, there is little between you to make good with any amount of kindness or clever therapy.

@FedUp2023 you’ve done your best & he’s not even meeting you halfway. Cut your losses, move on to a better life of your own making where you & your children may live without his malign cold presence every moment of every day.

First chance in 2023, go see a solicitor to find out your rights & get advice about process to end this disheartening marriage. Keep this plan to yourself. Gather & copy any documents about the marriage, incomes, pensions, savings, property etc. & store off site e.g. your workplace, cloud.

Your life is for living, not an endurance test.

Itslookinglikeabeautifulday · 30/12/2022 01:26

Tomatoblush · 30/12/2022 00:23

My very first LTB. What a horrible nasty little man he is

This

Hawkins001 · 30/12/2022 01:32

All the best op

PineconesAcorns · 30/12/2022 01:34

I don't understand what you're after here OP, you have had numerous threads before which would have offered up the therapy and leave him advice. You have stayed, which is fine it's your life and your relationship a couple of sentences on here isn't going to do much clearly. But you can see this man is trash, you don't enjoy being with him, he puts you through so much emotional suffering, you don't get any support from his family. So why do you stay? Why do you keep posting? End the cycle, show your kids a better a life and move on to a happier healthier life

Whatifthegrassisblue · 30/12/2022 01:38

Sorry OP, but I don't think there's any coming back from what he's told you. Basically that he wishes you were someone else. Perhaps ask him what he meant incase you misunderstood in some way or want to try and move forward.
Otherwise, you know what to do, maybe he wants to leave but wants you to make the first move.

StressedToTheMaxxx · 30/12/2022 01:38

He's insecure because he's not man enough to even get an erection so he's trying to erode your self confidence as well. Prick.

spuddel · 30/12/2022 01:39

Maybe when he said he wanted a confident, in your face girl (interestingly, girl, not woman) he meant someone who would not put up with his crap!

You are in a dead marriage op, you simply have to accept this is as good as it gets or get out. So sorry.

Canthave2manycats · 30/12/2022 01:46

You should have told him that you wish you were in a marriage with a real man, and to fuck off out of your life!

buttermut · 30/12/2022 01:49

SouperNoodle · 30/12/2022 00:13

"To be honest DH, I wish you were someone else too! Someone with a working penis preferably!"

Grin
BadNomad · 30/12/2022 01:50

I also think it's worth noting that he's not saying he wishes you were more confident/in your face - he's saying he wishes he wasn't with you. I cant see how there is any way back from that.

BStrange · 30/12/2022 01:51

Wow. Your children do not need their mother dealing with such a poor excuse of a man. You don't need him in your lives!
He sounds absolutely dreadful and pervertedly creepy.
He's a narcissistic douche.......
You need to realize your own worth, line your ducks up, and escape the abomination of a marriage

tiddlywinks2 · 30/12/2022 01:52

CatchYouOnTheFlippetyFlop · 30/12/2022 00:03

Fuck the limp cock twat off. You deserve so much more.

If it was your sister/,mum/daughter married to this sack of shit, what would you tell them to do?

If it's ltb, why do you not feel your own worth?

💐💐

This.
So sorry to hear what you've had to put up with Flowers

HomeTheatreSystem · 30/12/2022 02:01

OP he really is a lost cause.

mellicauli · 30/12/2022 02:10

He obviously can't make the changes he needs to make a relationship work right now I almost think it would be kinder to leave him. And certainly you would have a much better chance of happiness.

007sky · 30/12/2022 02:13

He sounds like a perv, sorry op.

Summer2424 · 30/12/2022 02:17

@FedUp2023 that's not a nice thing to say at all. I hope he realises what he said was wrong and apologies x

Beingrealistic2022 · 30/12/2022 02:20

FedUp2023 · 29/12/2022 23:42

Marriage not good at the moment. He’s very cold, unloving and secretive. He suffers ED so haven’t had sex for nearly 4 years, I’ve tried but been rejected and at very rare times he’s tried but couldn’t get an erection. He never shows me any affection. It’s always me who does but I’ve stopped too now.

today I tried to talk to him and asked him to tell me what he’s thinking. He said he wishes he was with someone else. In another universe he would want to be with a really “confident, in your face girl”. Whereas I’m “shy and anxious”. I’m actually very talkative but shy when I first meet people

it’s really upset me.

Some of the advice on this thread is disgusting abusive and pathetic you only listen to one side of a story.

First of all he’s probably looking at porn number one reason for ED in men.

Craving other women not uncommon and does he get angry?

Question are you watching porn to fulfill your needs.

I can’t stand people with shitty comments and look at one side of a story.