Husband just told me he wishes I was someone else

[FedUp2023]

Marriage not good at the moment. He’s very cold, unloving and secretive. He suffers ED so haven’t had sex for nearly 4 years, I’ve tried but been rejected and at very rare times he’s tried but couldn’t get an erection. He never shows me any affection. It’s always me who does but I’ve stopped too now.

today I tried to talk to him and asked him to tell me what he’s thinking. He said he wishes he was with someone else. In another universe he would want to be with a really “confident, in your face girl”. Whereas I’m “shy and anxious”. I’m actually very talkative but shy when I first meet people

it’s really upset me.

P.S I’m not sure if you work, savings, how much you earn but potentially have you thought about starting a claim to benefit to start the ball rolling to get a first payment in as soon as possible for example universal credit:

It’s very polite for you to do profusely thank us OP, but you have done the same on your other threads about your husband.

You are not going to do anything are you?

Some people want sympathy, and then to carry on as before. I get it. Change is hard. OP may believe that she fundamentally deserves no better. Not true, but again, nothing about any of this is rational.
OP and her DH may prefer to destroy each other and their children rather than take responsibility and change things. It's like that sometimes.

What a catty and condescending little comment.

It's kind of the op to be grateful. Get the word very polite and profuse out of your vocabulary when you're speaking directly to someone, especially if they're feeling vulnerable.

It's quite possible to say thank you and take action at the same time, no idea why you'd think the two are mutually exclusive.

I'm not sure whether the sympathy makes it less likely some people will axt, tbh. Sometimes mn is a safety valve. Takes off just enough pressure so things can go back to the same old same old.

People make their own choices, in the end. Leave them to it

Great so not only is this poster living in hell on New Year’s Eve they have to deal with such catty posts on here.

she shouldn’t even have to leave with the kids it should be him packing his bags and changing those locks.

Yes, people let off a little steam and then go back to their unliveable life until next time.
They post and repost about the same thing and do nothing, and perhaps it's worth noting that, in case they haven't.
For the record, it's a very normal and relatable thing. Humans do this a lot.
And other humans being a lot of support and good advice and really care a lot about people like OP, and to some extent that enables the OP not to step up.
Serial posters don't want the change... they want the replies.

I think recent posters are forgetting there are young children being subjected to this toxic environment and a father showing perverted tendencies.

So yes, I do think the Op is failing them but seeing action as just starting multiple mumsnet threads and thanking posters for their contributions