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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Husband just told me he wishes I was someone else

233 replies

FedUp2023 · 29/12/2022 23:42

Marriage not good at the moment. He’s very cold, unloving and secretive. He suffers ED so haven’t had sex for nearly 4 years, I’ve tried but been rejected and at very rare times he’s tried but couldn’t get an erection. He never shows me any affection. It’s always me who does but I’ve stopped too now.

today I tried to talk to him and asked him to tell me what he’s thinking. He said he wishes he was with someone else. In another universe he would want to be with a really “confident, in your face girl”. Whereas I’m “shy and anxious”. I’m actually very talkative but shy when I first meet people

it’s really upset me.

OP posts:

Maya678 · 30/12/2022 00:12

Why the fuck are you with him OP? He sounds absolutely pathetic and horrible. Get some self respect and leave him. I say that with kindness, I’ve been there. Please leave. Apart from having your children it will be the best thing you ever do.

Soothsayer1 · 30/12/2022 00:13

just graciously stand aside and let him find the princess who is no doubt waiting to obey his every wish😶
how dare he put you down like that, he's just lashing out to try & cover his 'inadequacies'

SouperNoodle · 30/12/2022 00:13

"To be honest DH, I wish you were someone else too! Someone with a working penis preferably!"

Guiltypleasures001 · 30/12/2022 00:15

He wants a dominant woman like his mummy
Seriously op it's too far gone and ingrained
Kick his arse out

catandcoffee · 30/12/2022 00:15

FedUp2023 · 30/12/2022 00:02

He’s crying now and saying he’s really sad and unhappy. I have no energy. I’m getting up every hour or so as both kids are unwell. I just feel so alone all the time. He never steps up and helps me emotionally or practically.

So he serves no purpose in your life.

Imagine not having him take you down and then sitting there crying.... you'll cope much better without him dragging you down.

dolor · 30/12/2022 00:16

Well he can piss off and be a selfish prick elsewhere.

toocold54 · 30/12/2022 00:17

I remember your old thread.

I do have sympathy for you but ultimately you choose how you live your life.

You have tried very hard and put up with a lot but there comes a time when you have to say enough is enough and I don’t want to waste any more of my days on a relationship that doesn’t work.

What needs to happen to make you think to yourself that you deserve better than this?
Why are you staying with a man who doesn’t give a shit about you?

If he didn’t have ED I can guarantee he would have left you by now.

honeylulu · 30/12/2022 00:18

What does he think will happen if this dream woman turns up? I doubt she'll stick around for long when his floppy cock problem comes to light.

Get rid of him. He's dragging you down in every way. You deserve so much better.

roseretrox · 30/12/2022 00:18

I’m not being funny but I would have replied to him with “same”. Acting like he’s the perfect partner and that your relationship isn’t miserable 😅

Berlinlover · 30/12/2022 00:18

I would very rarely advise anyone to LTB on Mumsnet but seriously, it’s time to LTB.

frazzledasarock · 30/12/2022 00:18

What do you want from this thread OP?

you know he’s not going to change, he clearly has weird porn addiction.
Is he spending family money on trying to get women online for sex?

what are you getting out of this marriage?

why are you staying with him?

kimchifix · 30/12/2022 00:20

OMG - I'm sorry OP but I agree - you will be so much better off out of this. get your energy back & then get out. It will be the best thing you ever do.

Regularsizedrudy · 30/12/2022 00:21

So he said something incredibly cruel and unnecessary to you… yet he’s the one crying? Funny that isn’t it.

OP he is a freak. A sexual deviant. I’m sure he is deeply unhappy because frankly there is something deeply wrong with him. He is using you as a front to appear normal, but it’s game over. You know what he’s really into and it’s not normal. You know who he is now, so why stay?

KAYMACK · 30/12/2022 00:21

How horrible for you.

There are lots of people on here who would love to comfort you and give you a nice hug, unfortunately they have to be virtual.

You sound such a nice person - and how nice that you are a mother.

Ilovelurchers · 30/12/2022 00:22

Oh seriously love, fuck him! (I mean, not literally - fuck him off is what I mean). I am usually not quick to say LTB, as I know we all have our faults in relationships, me included, but he'd like a different woman would he? Then he can go and fucking well try and find one, with his unappealing fetishes and inability to sustain an erection and all ....

And how confident is any woman likely to be, with him speaking to her like that? Seriously, he sounds like an utter cunt from the way you describe him.....

Tomatoblush · 30/12/2022 00:23

My very first LTB. What a horrible nasty little man he is

WarmBeerAndSandwiches · 30/12/2022 00:23

He sounds like a fucking weirdo and you deserve better. Find the courage to leave him - please!

heartbroken22 · 30/12/2022 00:24

Imagine if you turned around and said well you're erectile dysfunction would turn any confident girl in your face girl into a shy anxious one.

aintnothinbutagstring · 30/12/2022 00:25

He sounds like a creep and a creep that cries when things are not going his way - not sure why you've still got any respect or patience for him, not to mention attraction or affection. He sounds gross.

He's mugging off you, and your kids, with his weird fetish. Who cares if he wishes you were someone else - why would that upset you? Surely you also wish you were someone else.

aintnothinbutagstring · 30/12/2022 00:27

*with someone else

Kingoftheroad · 30/12/2022 00:27

im so sorry that you’re going through this - I think that you know that the relationship is over. He’s abusing you and it’s gone on way to long.

Id start by making a plan, writing it down and when you’re up to at start setting things in motion. Personally I’d need to get some space from him and would ask him to leave until you decide on your next move

simplefree · 30/12/2022 00:28

I'd open the door and tell him to go find 'her'

Mulhollandmagoo · 30/12/2022 00:31

I'm sure you wish he was someone else too, am I right? Someone who loves, respects and supports you? You deserve a million times better than this! LTB.

Museya15 · 30/12/2022 00:31

Why on earth are you still with him? How odd.

SnowlayRoundabout · 30/12/2022 00:31

Why have you stayed with him? He seems to have absolutely no redeeming features. Tell him you wish you weren't with a twat.

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