Husband just told me he wishes I was someone else

[FedUp2023]

Marriage not good at the moment. He’s very cold, unloving and secretive. He suffers ED so haven’t had sex for nearly 4 years, I’ve tried but been rejected and at very rare times he’s tried but couldn’t get an erection. He never shows me any affection. It’s always me who does but I’ve stopped too now.

today I tried to talk to him and asked him to tell me what he’s thinking. He said he wishes he was with someone else. In another universe he would want to be with a really “confident, in your face girl”. Whereas I’m “shy and anxious”. I’m actually very talkative but shy when I first meet people

it’s really upset me.

I can't really understand what you're saying Beingrealistic2022- OP's husband does sound undeniably awful in many ways.

The email stuff alone is VILE.

why haven’t you left him sooner?

Sounds like he wants a manic pixie dream girl to fix his life and make up for his inadequacies. It’s such a common male fantasy, it even has a name.

Ok in a very obvious mn way.si why are you with him?why are you staying with this man?

Hurt people, hurt people. Explain to him that he has really hurt you, and that you would like him to think about why he did that and possibly think about marriage counselling.

It's only a matter of time before the police come knocking for this one.

LTB.

Horrible, you should have been horrible back and said I wish I was with someone else too, someone who'd go to the bloody drs and get some tablets instead of blaming me for everything. X

I've just read a bit I missed ask him to leave he's a fucking weirdo. X

Why do you stay? What do you get out of this except heart ache and self esteem issues?

Send him off with your best wishes to find a nice dominatrix. ?

I'm so sorry for what you've put up with for so many years. You deserve so much better.

You know what? You'd probably like to be with someone that doesn't have ED but have you said that to him? I assume not because it would be insensitive.

You've put up with a lot and it's affected you in ways you might not have even realised yet. Have you or he even considered that what he's done over the years has made you into the person that he says he doesn't want anymore?

Life is so short. It's a scary thing to be out their alone with your kids. I know it's easier said than done, but you'd be better off without him. Give yourself some time. Take your kids somewhere to get some space, or have him look after them for a long weekend while you go and have some space to yourself.

If it was me, despite the children, I'd be making plans to leave. You'll be so much happier without him once you've got past the initial shock. Trust me.

Oh cry me a river. Boo hoo.

Dump the dead weight.

You're shy and anxious because he's a massive TWAT.

What a saddo ?!?! Offering financial incentives / gifts for sexual favours.

His life could have been so different, he'll learn the hard way.

Start divorce proceedings now. Don't waste anymore of your life. Fly away and be free. Go have a fabulous life away from him.

Oh OP, he sounds vile. A real creepy sex pest with those ads! Please, think of your mental health and leave him. You CAN do it - without his gross dead weight, you can be free to
find your own happiness. Don’t just stay for the kids - two unhappy parents don’t make for happy children. Sending you love x

The ironic thing is that the very fact that you put up with him and stay, despite the emails, despite the cruel words, will all reinforce his belief that you are timid and anxious. You deserve better than this.

He sounds vile.
He deserves to end up completely alone. Some men have massive egos and think they deserve the world, without noticing they already have the world living in their own home. You deserve better than this shitty treatment, the difference is you will probably get it. Start the New year as you mean to go on. Leave him to his meals for one and ridiculous expectations and find a life that you deserve.

You know this isn’t about you at all. Snivelling little turd needs all of this advertised to all and sundry - colleagues, friends, family. You’ll soon see it’s all on him. Utterly gross little man

He is a perverted freak OP. There are many reasons to leave, none to stay. Advertising free handbags? Predatory behaviour...I agreeit with PP only a matter of time before police come knocking. Get your kids away from this twisted freak.

He sounds like an ex of mine.

He's emotionally blackmailing you with the crying. Either you put up with his passive aggressive bullshit (trying to make you apologise for being the person you are), and let him squander the family finances on another woman/women, or he'll cry.

Four years of no sex is one thing. But four years of no sex because of his secret fetish he has actually acted upon, even if 'just' messaging girls at this stage? He is not invested in you. I would leave. As hard as it would be with 2 kids, and I know, I have them too. But he sounds like a pitiful waste of your time and attention.

That's no way to live, honestly this will never get any better. If he's so unhappy then leaving suits all of you best. Find someone who cherishes you not treats you like absolute shit.

This. Your marriage is dead in the water.

We walk through this life just once. Don't waste time.

If I was married to him I think I'd be sat there wishing he was with someone else too.

Stay and be miserable with him or go and try to live your life in the light, filled with joy.

LTB. You will be so much happier without this loser. Your parting gift to him can be a shit-hot female divorce lawyer, so that he can experience having a confident woman in his face.

Time to kick him into touch, OP. You and your children deserve better.

WTF are you still there. He won't change but you can. Get thee to a lawyer first appointment they have.

Let some free spirited in your face type sort him out. He could not be more offensive if he tried. Do it for the kids if you won't do it for yourself.

Absolutely this all day long 👆🏻👆🏻👆🏻

You’re worth more OP, What a prick