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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect them to put the heating on?!

260 replies

womanontheedge2022 · 29/12/2022 23:01

DH and I have just got back from 2 nights with our oldest friends. We are as close to them as family for context. We have been absolutely freezing for the entire 48 hours! One of them just refuses to put any heating on. He has form
for this but has got worse. He has always been extremely tight, improved slightly with age but sometimes reverts to type. I get that heating is far from cheap atm but there are no categorically no money issues and it was sub zero, worse than camping. We asked him repeatedly to put heating on, even offered to contribute but he is stubborn and dug his heels in. We nearly went home. His other half is always diplomatic but I'm sure agreed with us! AIBU to expect a bit of heat in December in a draughty old house Mumsnet?!!

OP posts:
harrassedmumto3 · 29/12/2022 23:03

YANBU. No matter how good their hosting is otherwise, THIS is what will be remembered. And that's pretty sad!

BCBird · 29/12/2022 23:04

I don't think.yiu are being unreasonable. It is miserable being cold.

Original poster
womanontheedge2022 · 29/12/2022 23:06

Thank you both it was really miserable and DH kept moaning to me about it! We couldn't wait to get home. We didn't even want to shower because although there was hot water it was too cold to get in and out!!!

OP posts:
Forestwalks · 29/12/2022 23:11

Everyone has their own preferred temperature they like their house at, do you know what the temp was in their house? What do you usually have yours at in your own house?

We are not really heating people in our home, it’s currently 12 degrees and we are not cold. Heating hasn’t been on since the snow a couple of weeks back.

RampantIvy · 29/12/2022 23:12

DH and I would have just gone home early. I wouldn't care if the host might think us rude, but it is extremely inhospitable to make your guests so uncomfortable with the cold.

My BIL hates being hot, but he gets hot as soon as the tmperature hits double figures. I never visit my sister in winter.

Afterfire · 29/12/2022 23:12

Are you sure they don’t have money issues? The energy price increases have really affected many people.

RampantIvy · 29/12/2022 23:14

it’s currently 12 degrees and we are not cold.

Are you a polar bear?

That would be far too cold for DH and me, and we would be sitting with our coats on and still feel the cold. And yes, we would go home. 12 degrees is 4 degrees less than the legal minimum for working in an office.

Original poster
womanontheedge2022 · 29/12/2022 23:14

We have said that we won't go in December again! I think it was about 12. Ours is between 18 and 20. atm. I think we do feel the cold a bit tbf but this was extreme!

OP posts:
Original poster
womanontheedge2022 · 29/12/2022 23:14

Afterfire · 29/12/2022 23:12

Are you sure they don’t have money issues? The energy price increases have really affected many people.

Absolutely certain

OP posts:
Wisterical · 29/12/2022 23:14

YANBU. Recently I was meant to be staying at a friend's house for three nights but left a day early because she wouldn't put the heating on, instead she gave me a hot water bottle in the evening. And seemed surprised when I asked if I could refill it after a couple of hours. I'm frugal with heating but I always put it in when I have guests!

Original poster
womanontheedge2022 · 29/12/2022 23:15

Wisterical · 29/12/2022 23:14

YANBU. Recently I was meant to be staying at a friend's house for three nights but left a day early because she wouldn't put the heating on, instead she gave me a hot water bottle in the evening. And seemed surprised when I asked if I could refill it after a couple of hours. I'm frugal with heating but I always put it in when I have guests!

Glad I'm not alone!

OP posts:
VerifiedBot2351 · 29/12/2022 23:18

I would have gone home because I could not have stood it.

Beansprout30 · 29/12/2022 23:18

YANBU. I would have left early, they shouldn’t have invited you as guests if they weren’t willing to make you comfortable

Forestwalks · 29/12/2022 23:19

RampantIvy · 29/12/2022 23:14

it’s currently 12 degrees and we are not cold.

Are you a polar bear?

That would be far too cold for DH and me, and we would be sitting with our coats on and still feel the cold. And yes, we would go home. 12 degrees is 4 degrees less than the legal minimum for working in an office.

Guess we must be judging by how warm everyone likes to be🤷🏼‍♀️

SpottyStripyDuvet · 29/12/2022 23:21

Did they warn you in advance that they were taking this stance? We went to BIL's over Christmas. His house is always cold, particulary downstairs, so we take oodies etc.

ShakespearesBlister · 29/12/2022 23:21

Mine is around 17 now and I'd love to turn it up a notch. I like the heating on.

BogRollBOGOF · 29/12/2022 23:21

We went visiting earlier in the week and were really glad we remembered to wear our long johns. Our lounge was 16⁰C when we got home, so hallway cooler and it felt much warmer in comparison.

I'm all for being outdoors in fresh air in most weather, but that tends to involve moving around to keep warm; sitting around in someone's house while they attempt to replicate an igloo is bloody miserable. These family members have a long history of trying to keep the house as a wind tunnel, long before energy costs went up, and will open the bloody windows back up even if you're shivering.

Heated gilets are fantastic for visiting people who have palpitations at going above 12⁰C.

HaggisBurger · 29/12/2022 23:23

Eff that. Can’t bear being cold when it’s unnecessary. That’s just downright rude and inhospitable. I’d have left too.

I had the opposite problem staying at DP’s mums over Xmas. The heating would come on full blast in all rooms at 7am and we had to open a window in the bedroom as the rad had no thermostat. Felt v guilty blasting all that heat out the window given how people are struggling to heat their homes atm.

Original poster
womanontheedge2022 · 29/12/2022 23:25

SpottyStripyDuvet · 29/12/2022 23:21

Did they warn you in advance that they were taking this stance? We went to BIL's over Christmas. His house is always cold, particulary downstairs, so we take oodies etc.

No warning and was worse than usual. Suggested an Oodie to his other half but not sure it would be enough!

OP posts:
FuntCase · 29/12/2022 23:26

Forestwalks · 29/12/2022 23:19

Guess we must be judging by how warm everyone likes to be🤷🏼‍♀️

Show quote history

Another polar bear family here. I don’t understand how people are comfortable in 20° heat. It’s stifling, warm, stale radiator air .. but different strokes I suppose.

Currently staying with my parents and their house is very warm, currently 18° in the bedroom and very uncomfortable (can’t find the key to open the window). Sleeping with just a fleece blanket.

2chocolateoranges · 29/12/2022 23:29

I hate being cold and I would hate any guests to be cold too.

I would have left after one night.

My mum doesn't feel the cold and I find her house quite cool but she always puts the heating on when we visit.

Crikeyalmighty · 29/12/2022 23:30

I don't like overheatedbedrooms but do like rest of house warm. Once stayed at my bils and his wife's over Xmas and it was unbelievably cold - I was too embarrassed to say something.- and came back with a stinking cold- def wasn't money worries either.

MrsMitford3 · 29/12/2022 23:34

I loathe hot houses-they make me feel unwell.
Just to offer an alternative view-we def have a cold house-not for cost but preference.

We would put the heating on for guests to take the chill off but we would not have the heating on when it is 12 degrees. except underfloor heating where the dog and cat sleep

jannier · 29/12/2022 23:35

Forestwalks · 29/12/2022 23:11

Everyone has their own preferred temperature they like their house at, do you know what the temp was in their house? What do you usually have yours at in your own house?

We are not really heating people in our home, it’s currently 12 degrees and we are not cold. Heating hasn’t been on since the snow a couple of weeks back.

Omg it's 19 and I'm freezing

Didicat · 29/12/2022 23:36

Controversially you know what they are like, did you take thermals, slippers, an extra blanket? I always warn visitors our house is leaky with regards to heat, tell them to bring cosy layers, also put electric blankets on the beds.

the lounge is usually warm as we have the log burner going but the rest of the house is about 14/15 my husband like other posters can’t bear stuffy rooms.

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